"All that work and what did it get me?/ Why did I do it?"

Soooo the Survivor finale was almost two weeks ago but I haven't had time to do a three hour recap. If you like the show, you watched and know what happened so I am going to just hit the highlights instead of scene by scene. Plus, even though I've made a very conscious effort to cut these things down in length, I'm still getting complaints (you know who you are) so here's the abbreved version. Enjoy!

This episode is titled "Anything Could Happen". It might as well be labeled as "Anything Could Happen.... Besides Russell Winning". Jeff recaps, you know the drill: Heroes. Villains. Boston Rob. Immunity. Idols. Russell's a douchebag. People make the dumbest moves ever (coughJTcough). Sandra and Poverty are the only two who deserve it at this point. Let's see what happens.

After Rupert's ousting, Russell says Sandra played an idol that was totally worthless. Poverty calls him out as says "You did it too!" Twice. +1 Pov-ster. Russell says that Sandra lied to him about having the HII. Sandra smacks him down saying he never told her about his idols until after he played them. Touche Sandra. But really, it's Russell so logic is pointless with him. He accuses Poverty of lying to him and she calls him a toddler. I think that's being generous. We get the obligatory misleading info where maybe Colby won't be going home but we all know he is. I like the Colpster but really WHAT a disappointment this season. Credits.

Treemail. Clue about the challenge in China with actual china (racist). Russell wants to be in the top 3 with Jerri and Sandra since neither "played the game" and "the jury would almost have to vote for me". I think they would vote for Hitler to win before you.

Challenge: Balancing and stacking dishes with one hand. Shockingly, Sandra is out before Colby for once with nine dishes. Anytime Jeff notes how many there are, you know someone is about to fail. Jerri is out with 14. Then Russell with 16. Who knew stacking dishes could be so suspenseful? Poverty is a challenge beast and wins again. She is really making me start to like her.

Colby says "Hey, I know I'm going, let's just enjoy the day". The we get an awkward interview where there's twenty seconds of silence while he tries not cry and says he isn't giving up and has one last attempt. Colby tries to reason with Russell (already a poor choice) about getting rid of Sandra so he, Jerri, and Russell can all try to beat Poverty and eliminate her the next round (yeah cause you've really dominated challenges this season). Russell says he is considering it and that's just so we don't know who is going home 29 minutes into the episode.

TC in the TH: Colby is out surprising exactly no one. I miss BA Colby. I look forward to seeing you in Schick commercials and a small role in thrillers starring Rachel McAdams.

Talk about needing to get Poverty out. Russell says the jury thinks she's some big strategic player but she's not (false) and Jerri says P was just tucked under his wing the whole time (kettle? Meet pot. Minus the fact this is NOT true).

Treemail where they go on the stupid journey to see all of the "fallen comrades". Boring and I don't have to say anything for ten minutes. Well besides RIP Boston Rob. Sad emoticon.

Challenge: Navigating a maze blindfolded while collecting four necklaces. First one to the immunity necklace, wins. WHAT?! No endurance challenge? Boohockey! It's a glorified version of Marco Polo (which I would excuse if this took place in China but it doesn't so fail). Poverty is banging into stuff. Sandra is following P's voice. Poverty and Russell get their last necklace at the same time and he is shoving her and pushing her all over the place. Classy. Also probably trying to cop a feel. It's a suspenseful ending as Jerri, Poverty, and Russell are all inches away from the immunity necklace. Russell gets up on his tippy toes and manages to reach the necklace. Russell wins but let's face it he wasn't going anywhere since they all know he is the ticket to the million. Jerri is all excited thinking she is guaranteed a spot in the final three. Russ makes Jeff put on the necklace. Douche.

Russ tells Sandra she is in a real good spot. She knows it's because she already won the million and no one will vote for her again. "That's alright, I'll take the 100,000." For real. But then she says Russell doesn't think she will get a single vote "But I don't know about thaaaaaat." I love her. Russell wants Jerri gone cause she is a guaranteed vote on the jury. Yeah, I'm sure people always vote for the person that burned/blindsided them. Has he ever watched this show before?

TC in the TH: Ping ponging between Jerri, Poverty, Jerri, Poverty. Poverty says she has been protecting Russell the entire time. His face is one of anger, frustration, surprise, and disbelief. She tries to dislodge her foot from her mouth and say they've been protecting each other. I immediately worry this is going to be another Danielle-like ousting. Aaaaaand Jerri's out. Let's face it, she needed to go. She could maybe beat the other girls since she has never won and a freaking palm tree could beat Russell at this point. So see ya later Jer!

Day 39! Breakfast feast, natch. Russell interviews that he brought people he could beat this time around since "it didn't work last time". I honestly think this was filmed on a green screen because it sort of looks funny AND I checked out the dates and the finale of Samoa wasn't until a good three months until after HvV finished filming. Don't say I didn't do my research (coughWikipediacough). Maybe he is basing this on the Samoan jury reaction but I don't think he knew the votes during the filming of HvV. He did after all launch RussellGotScrewed.com practically seconds after the Samoa finale premiered. I'm just saying.

At Russell's prompting, Poverty says that if she had ended up on the jury that she would have voted for Sandra. Russell says his game was better than Poverty's. False. Sandra says she is going to burn his hat and goes and throws the fedora in the fire. Awesome. Give her the million now. Such sweet justice for him burning Jaison's socks (twice) on his first season. Sandra says Russell has a big bald spot he doesn't want anyone to know about "but we've been out here 39 days. I've seen it a whole lot of times." +100 Sandra. Give this woman a tv show! You'd almost feel a little sorry for him if he wasn't such an arrogant jerk.

Poverty burns down the shelter and like always I think this is very environmentally unsafe. Sandra says she never hid behind an immunity idol. Touche. (Sidenote: Watching this again after knowing the outcome, there are a LOT of Sandra interviews. Should have been this coming).

Final TC and Reunion in the next post to split it up a little! I'm wordy! Trust me, this is WAAAAAY shorter than it could have been.