"So dim that spotlight/Tell me things like I can't take my eyes off of you/... Just another wide eyed girl who's desperately in love with you"

Oh! I just looked at the word count in my Word Document and it is 40,000 words exactly. This made me excited that I happened to glance at that exact moment. Why? Does 40,000 mean anything to me? Nope, besides the fact it is a big, rounded, even number. So that's exciting. Hooray for lots of words!

I went to Starbucks today (I should really get paid for how frequently I name drop them on here. Or a sponsorship where they give me free coffee) and I was working on the book. Since it's been raining basically all day today, the place was rather busy and at least 6 people had laptops out so my guilt was kicking in high gear since I had the outlet. By the way, I have since discovered two more, one is behind a comfy chair in the front and another one is near the espresso machine. Why do I continue to update about outlets? I'm not sure. Just keeping you informed. :) But when I discovered the one near the espresso machine where people don't usually sit (due to the noise and the fact your clothes reek for about sixteen hours afterwards) I actually gasped out loud and scrambled over to it to claim it. It was a real highlight that day.

Anyway, so I was working on chapter twelve and I could not for the life of me think of, "you know the word where an actor is delivering a long, lengthy speech to the audience. Mono-something. Monogram? No, that's not it. Monophone? No, that's not even a word. Joey from Friends had to do one and he either did Star Wars or the book I'll Love You Forever" Sure, I came up with soliloquy earlier in the sentence but couldn't come up with the other word. I wish I was kidding when I say that I sat there for a good two minutes, head in my hands, as I tried to produce the word from the back of my mind where it was deliberately hiding just to drive me crazy. It was getting to the point where I was about to ask a Starbucks employee (like Mike-or-James since he was there today) or someone sitting near me and then I got it * light bulb *monologue. I know, I know, you had it all along. Good for you. And you think I'm stupid but I blame my mental block on 1) it was raining and no one is productive on dreary days 2) I am spending way too much time with Microsoft Word and words are beginning to lose their meanings and are truly random combinations of letters 3) I really got stuck with the word monogram since it's kinda similar. "Mono", the "letter g" and vowels. This is why I suck at that game Scattergories, I just think of words with that letter and try to make them fit into the categories but then get stuck on certain words. It really is ironic that I am hoping to make a career out of using words.

Oh and the real thrilling part today was when I claimed the table near the outlet and put my bag down in the chair. I had my umbrella in it so that must have thrown off the equilibrium and it fell over in the chair and starting heading towards the floor, with the top part open allowing stuff to spill out. I hurried to grab it before it hit the floor but something fell out and made a loud noise on impact. I actually closed my eyes as I looked under the table, mentally preparing myself to see my laptop in smithereens but it was only my umbrella. The sigh of relief was audible. I bet people think I'm really crazy cause I'm rather expressive in these public settings.

Oh I've also discovered when I am writing, it is very obvious when I really have a scene going on in my head and I am trying to describe and transcribe it before I forget. Because in these sections my grammar completely sucks. But I am trying so hard to get all of the words down on paper so I don't lose it that grammar just has to take a backseat. I can always edit later. And I do and I actually hang my head in shame at some of the mistakes I make.

Also, I'd like to say something: Unless you're family (and even then I'm skeptical but they have to love me unconditionally) I don't really talk about my book on my own accord (outside of this blog of course). That just means I am never going to be like "Hey want to hear about the book I'm writing cause for some crazy reason I think I have the skills and creative power to do so?!". I don't know. It's sort of self-indulgent or something in my opinion. So if you want to ask or have any questions, feel free. Or, you know, if you are rooting around for a name drop. I just probably won't volunteer the information on my own, well, ever. Well besides the fact that the plot is still as secretive as the series finale of Lost. Was that a stretch? Oh well. Anyway, so yes, feel free to ask just don't think "Oh she only told those three guys about it, she must not want me to know about it". I don't even know if people have these thoughts but it worries me if people think I don't want them to know. I care way too much about what other people think. And hey if you show interest in the book, you might be one of my resources later on, if you are particularly knowledgeable in an area. And that means I don't have to sift through lots of google results. So, really it's a win-win for everyone. Is this whole paragraph self-indulgent because I think people actually care? Probably. But I'm trying to be nice by making sure no one feels left out! Give me a little credit, please.

Oh and the deluxe edition of Taylor Swift's album "Fearless" came out this week. I love her and she is providing quite the soundtrack to this writing process. And my life. So yay for new songs for new inspiration! *does happy dance*

P.S. Question: What do you say if someone moves from Georgia to let's say New York or Boston? That's not a bi-coastal, nor is it really "moving across the country", so what could you say? To the other "corner" of the country? The other end of the country? The other half/hemisphere? Is there some traditional way of saying that concept cause I'm not coming up with one. Granted, I also couldn't come up with monologue so who is to say this is surprising. Input in the comments section por favor!

ETA: The term "East Coast" is the front runner at this point. Any other suggestions?

ETAx2: I know that the Boston and New York are in the northeast of the United States. I was more so asking if there was a phrase for moving up and down in the country since moving "across" wouldn't apply here. It makes sense in my head.

"They know just where I stand/ It's all a part of me/ That's who I am"

Isn't it funny how it can take you a long time to figure out something that defines you and it's always been right in front of you? I experienced this freshman year in my english class.

Our first assignment was to write a personal narrative about an experience that truly defined us. My teacher said she didn't want it to be something cheesy or cliched like getting your license or graduating but rather something that really affected us in our past. So I went back to my dorm room and pounded out a three page paper (oh how lengthy those seemed then. Now I think that would be a piece of cake) on when my dad passed away when I was thirteen. And surprisingly that's not what I discovered as truly defining me (even though it obviously did but that's not the point of this post). Anyway, so I wrote this paper and brought it to the next class meeting where we had a peer review session. So I'm reading some random girl's paper making some comments and then switching papers every few minutes with the people sitting around me. Keep in mind this is the first week or two of college so we had no idea who anyone else was. So at the end of the fifty minutes, we are all scrambling around trying to find our papers so we're not late for our next class.

"Annie?" this nerdy, talkative, CNN-obsessed, preppy kid called out, holding up my paper.

Great, I thought to myself. Of course that kid is going to be the one to get my paper. He probably ripped it apart. I shuffled over him to grab it and get out before he launched into explanation correcting me about how I used who when I should have used whom.

"This is one of the best papers I have ever read," he told me.

I actually laughed in the kid's face as I said "You're kidding right? I know it's crap."

"No, I'm serious. This may be the best paper I've ever read and I'm so honored I got to read it," he told me as he touched my arm.

I mumbled out a thanks and ran out of the room was completely dumbfounded (okay, and maybe I called my mom freaking out. It was my first paper in college! Give me a break! I was still baffled).

ETA: CNN-obsessed kid is one of the nicest guys ever and if he runs for president, I will vote for him. Fellow UGAers, yes you are thinking of the right person.

Even today, reading through that paper I think I sound like a complete 8th grader but his reaction had an impression on me (plus I think that contributed to my writing style. I prefer the simple and straightforward. No one is studying for the SAT while reading my book so no need for overly grandiose vocabulary and perplexing syntax). My teacher, a grad student, also had good things to say about it and suggested I include it in the portfolio we had to submit at the end of the semester including two revised works and a biography. She wanted us to have a theme that tied everything together so I stumbled across mine when I met with her for the required one-on-one conference. She said she could tell how much my family meant to me so I should incorporate that into the rest of my portfolio. And boy did I ever. My picture (required in the bio) was one of all of us (12 at that point in time) on the beach trip from that year. And I wrote about myself through the lens of my family in the biography and I learned, wow, my family really defines me and I didn't even realize it. It's like it was just such an obvious and given thing that I never actually noticed it. But I ran with that theme in a couple more personal narratives and required journal entries I had to write in college. So it shouldn't be a surprise that....

My family is going to be a part of my book! Because like I've said a million times, I've really come to define myself through them, ALL of them, so I have to include them, right? I've always identified with the girl I am writing as my main character and so I am sort of modeling her after myself. Now that in no way means this is an autobiography. I've accomplished nothing. Who wants to hear about my life (...then why are you writing this blog? Good question, reader! I'll get back to you on that. Maybe...)? So I always think well, I can do the opposite of what I know or I can write what I know. And I think the paper on my dad showed that I should write what I know, to a certain extent at least. So let's run with that.

Initially I thought, eh I don't want to have to keep track of 4 siblings plus spouses plus children. So I thought about changing it to one brother and one sister. But then that's only three kids and that's not really "a big family" (though today, that is starting to be considered a big family. I don't agree. Big is five or more) so then I thought about upping it to a brother and two sisters and combining my actual three sisters into two girls but then I knew my sister AE would automatically assume I lopped her off. So then it was back to square one with three sisters and a brother. Oh and then you add in spouses: Two brothers-in-law. And a sister-in-law. Oh but we can't forget about the nieces. Maybe I could downsize the seven of them into like... three or four girls. Which may or may not be my current plan now. I did tell my family members about my plan on the beach trip but don't want to give away everything involving them so my lips are sealed about that from here on out. But hey, you got a little bit of info about the book. A girl is the main character and she has... many family members. All I know is that I hope no one announces a pregnancy anytime soon cause I don't know if I can cram anymore characters into this thing (That's a lie! The little ones are already almost a year old. We need more babies!)!

And for some reason my family thinks in spite of the fact I've chosen to include each and every one of them in my book, that I hate them and I am looking for ways to get rid of them (even though that would cut down on the dialogue and detailing I have to pass around among ten adult characters). My brother JP and sister AE asked if their characters are mean and nasty. My brother asked me if I was going to have his character have an affair or something (My response: Nope. Not with a woman anyway). I went with my mom to visit previously mentioned brother and his family last weekend in Alabama. He flicked my ear for saying something rude or something, I don't recall those details, but after he did it, he said he was worried to say/do too much to me because he is scared of what I am going to do to his character in the book. But I don't know why they are all concerned about something bad happening to their character. I mean this is a post about how much I love my family so their fears should be put to rest now. :)

And I leave you with this snipet of a gChat conversation with my sister LA when I was explaining my "name dropping" technique:

LA: It's quite a complicated system you have there

Me: Not really, it's pretty simple. And it's a guaranteed crowd. Mwhahaha.

Me: Don't make me kill off Ren

LA: I'm just glad the power hasn't gone to your head

Me: ...... not yet.

Oh and just a fun little easter egg for those who really care (Hi, mom and LA!) I actually used the title of my book somewhere in this post. Happy hunting! Feel free to post your guess in the comments section. No promises about confirmation but if someone actually guessed, I might actually have to fess up. Key word: might.

P.S. I know I've written several times how I am worried about using the word "just" too much but I would like to point out at least three of my posts' titles have used the word "just" from various songs. It's more common of a word than you think, that's all I'm saying!

"And I never knew just what it was/ About this old coffee shop I love so much"

A sort of funny story from my daily visit to Starbucks today:

I standing in line to order behind a girl. While I was waiting, I decided to order a Pumpkin Spice Latte, mainly because my mom bought these amazing pumpkin chocolate chip cookies from Whole Foods. I accredit the fact that they are amazing to the pumpkin ingredient so I decided to get it. The girl in front of me also got it, so I thought, huh we better pay attention and not get the others' drink. So then I ordered my drink and the woman asked me if I wanted whipped cream on it. I said no because a girl in my Lit. of Horror class senior year was a barista and she said there are an insane amount of calories in the whipped cream. She also said it was rather oxymoronic when people would order a nonfat drink and get the whipped cream since it pretty much cancels out the "trying to be at least slightly healthier" aspect. Well, I'm all about cutting out unnecessary calories so I never get whipped cream.

So I said no thank you and one of the male baristas and I had a quick conversation about the formerly mentioned points. Now, the pumpkin spice latte takes a little bit longer to make (in comparison to a simple iced coffee) so I am standing there for a while. And then the lady said "Here's your drink Amy" but she had an accent so I thought well, maybe it's for me? I've also been called Anita, Ashley, Anna, Anne, and Annalee before so you never know what those baristas hear over the noise of the espresso machine. But like I said, the girl in front of me also got the same thing, so we both started to slowly shuffle up to the counter to get the beverage. But we were saved from stupidity because my actual drink ("And here's your drink ANNie") was also ready. We all had a little chuckle over the slight confusion.

Oh but it gets better. Amy (since we now know her name) sat down at the table across from me and made some comment like "Oh I'm glad that wasn't a mix up" and I said "Well it's okay cause I noticed we ordered the same drink" and she said "Yeah but I'm one of those nonfat but still get the whipped cream people". Doh! I just kind of mumbled, well that's okay, it's just not for me and then I promptly whipped out my iPod.

"I'm gonna give all my secrets away"

In the vein of twitter, let's celebrate Music Monday. Not like I have much to contribute minus these six songs that I cannot stop listening to:

1. Keep Holding On -Glee Cast Version. Oh I already lost some of you didn't I? I know it's an Avril song but seriously, I love Glee and I think they did a great job. Hooray!

2. The Perfect Space -The Avett Brothers. Liking the new album. This one always captures my attention though when I play through the whole thing.

3. Secrets -One Republic. Anything with strings will always capture my attention. Well instrument-wise. Not like an actual string. I'm not a cat.

4. All Love -Ingrid Michaelson. A nice little ditty with some less than sunny lyrics.

5. Pony (It's OK) -Erin McCarley. Love love love this one. It's in the top 25 most played list. Very whimsical and inspiring. I like the Wizard of Oz imagery too cause let's face it, that movie is awesome.

6. Down -Jason Walker. I enjoy the male/female voice combination. I wish more artists featured this. Well maybe it should just be I should listen to more music like this. Duly noted!

"Who says I can't be free/ From all of the things that I used to be/ Rewrite my history/ Who says I can't be free"

Observations/Thoughts while writing at Starbucks:

(This had to be posted afterwards since SB doesn't offer free wi-fi. I'm pretty sure it's because if they did, they would be able to take over the world. But I just jotted stuff down in a Word document and transfered it so it's still legit)

-Starbucks is so wonderful on a rainy day. I usually like to write outside and take advantage of the last few days of nice temperatures (even though, who knows with this climate? I remember wearing a dress, flip flops, and only a light sweater a few days before Christmas last year) but sitting inside sometimes can be nice.

-Starbucks only has one outlet. ONE. Well technically there is another one (you know, one with FOUR plugs) over near the merchandise but there isn't a table near that one. Smart design plan there Starbucks. And the outlet is currently being used by a man. That's fine, I can wait my turn. That or I will be leaving in hour when my battery runs out. Let's hope it's the former.

-Alright, this isn't okay, the man isn't even using his computer (it's closed) and he is sorting out change. Seriously?

-Sweet! The man left and I grabbed the table. The outlet is mine, all mine. But see I still have guilty conscience and anytime a person who has a laptop comes in, I feel guilty. Why? I should be able to use it just as much as any other person but I still feel bad using it. Starbucks should just spring for a surge protector so five people can use it at once. You make millions, you can afford a $15 surge protector.

-There are two men sitting near me who look like my Uncle S. And no, they do not appear to be related.

-One of the guys is shaking hands with like every person that walks in here. He is also sitting in a group of four or five people. Is this some local celebrity I don't know about? Some politician or something? And I've seen him here before. I need to crack this case.

-I don't understand why restaurants can't adjust the temperature inside according to the temperature outside. It's raining, that equals a bit colder. Let's not have the AC blasting. I'm even wearing a long sleeved shirt (I anticipate the cold) and I am still cold. It is October after all.

-Oh! A guy just walked in who is a shorter version of Stephen Merchant. It's all in the glasses. And something about the hair too. Maybe a knock off Ricky Gervais will be meeting him here! That would be totally awesome.

-No such luck on the Ricky lookalike. Bummer. I would have had to take a picture or something though if that had happened.

-Words I use too much: Just (still), Sort of, and Kind of. Apparently my characters are meek. They need to be definite.

-How is it the thesaurus can generate a list of words but it can't differentiate between the different variations? Always such false hope (well momentarily) when I click on "tendencies" only to have to it suggest "tendency". Can't you just add "s"s to all of the other suggestions for tendency, Microsoft Word and save me a couple of mouse clicks?

-Aw. I asked a nice old man to watch my computer and when I came back he said "I never took my eyes off of it" and I almost believe him because he was turned at a weird angle in his chair. So nice. We need more people like him in this world.

-OH! A guy just walked in who looks like Charles Kelley from Lady Antebellum (country band for those who don't know).

-Well now he just looks like one of the TA from my entomology class last semester.

-Clearly, I like playing the "doesn't he look like...." game.

-Loud people are obnoxious. There is a group of three people sitting here being so loud it is actually ridiculous. Like if they leave before me, I will gladly start a slow clap as they walk out the door because other people have to be annoyed too.

-They are BURSTING into laughter on average, every 45 seconds.

-Oh great, now the most obnoxious lady has begun clapping along with her boisterous laugh every thirteen seconds.

-This is what I don't understand about loud people: Is it because you are not self aware? Or is it because you want everyone in a fifty foot radius to know just how much fun you are having and how cool you and your friends are? Cause I remember reading in a magazine (seriously, it was probably Teen or Teen People or something involving the word "Teen") that if you want other people to be interested you should talk quietly in such public settings. For example if the guy you like is sitting nearby, don't throw your head back in exaggerated laughter every five seconds and screech and yell. People don't like the obvious. People like to eavesdrop. So if you are being quiet, they are like "Oh I can eavesdrop on what these interesting looking people are saying". When you are loud, people stop caring and just want you to SHUT UP!

-I don't think I can adequately describe just how loud these people are being. I keep wanting to turn up my iPod but the loud iPod in conjunction with how loud they are being, is hurting my ears. Plus, my sister MR just went to the doctor and apparently has "some slight hearing loss" due to her days of rocking out at concerts and listening to her iPod. I've listened to mine practically every day for the last four years so I am screwed. So now I am terrified of having the music too loud.

-One of the women is pregnant, I mean extremely pregnant. And she has a Victoria Secret bag sitting next to her. Seriously? What could you possibly have in there? On second thought, I don't want to guess.

-I have now noticed that the place has cleared out because of these people. THAT'S how loud they are being. I can leave whenever I want, I just feel sorry for the workers who have to be here because these people look pretty comfy.

-Aw Mike-Or-James isn't here today. Who is Mike-or-James you ask? Well, I frequent this Starbucks quite a bit. And there is one guy who works here (I actually think he is the manager) and I see him frequently. It's gotten to the face recognition point and we make small talk. Well I actually think he thinks I am someone else because this is the conversation we had a few weeks ago.

MoJ: Hey, how's it going? So do you have lots of schoolwork to do today?

Me: Well, actually I graduated from UGA in May. I'm trying to find a job now.

MoJ: Wow! Really? I can't believe you've already graduated! That's crazy.

Me: ..... Yeah, I know.

I'm really thinking, oooookay. Cause I've only lived here for a year so you've only known me for a year and the majority of that year I was in Athens so it's not like he's known me for a year let alone not during the four years I actually was in school. *gasps for air* That was a run on sentence. I'm just saying, I think he thinks I'm someone else.

-Plus I don't even know his name. I just call him Mike-or-James in my head because, well, he looks like a Mike or a James to me.

-But Mike-Or-James will occasionally upgrade my drink for free so if he thinks I'm someone else, I will continue to play along in this little game.

-Listening to songs from Glee. I just love that show. I'm excited for tonight's episode. And Matthew Morrison is my new crush. He is adorable. And the boy can sing! Gold Digger anyone? Not me, his version of the song. Though I bet he is making serious bank off of that show now.

-I heard they are thinking about doing a musical tour when it ends this summer. My birthday IS in May, just for future reference.

-My new fear about my computer is that the keyboard is going to break. I don't know, something about the keys just feels... off. Please don't break. I'm going to tell myself that I am having irrational fears as my life work continues to grow longer and longer on this computer.

-Ew. I just glanced out the window and there is a HUGE spider in a very intricately woven web outside. It's like a real live Halloween decoration. And it completely grosses me out.

-Okay chapter ten is done, the people are beyond obnoxious now, and the spider is seriously creeping me out. Time to call it a day.

"Now look at you kicking off your shoes/ Dancing for the world to see"

This girl is currently my inspiration (well and I sort of hate her for accomplishing everything I want to do). She graduated from UGA two years before me and at the moment: 1) Her first novel is in stores, 2) The second is coming out in June 2010, 3) She is currently in the final stages of editing her third and she is also 4) Writing her fourth novel. That's insane! She's 25 and she has four books. But at the same time, it gives me hope that hey, what I want to accomplish is possible and not entirely farfetched. So that's a good motivational tool, right?

I started working on chapter ten today. I got a little flustered cause it was one of the first chapters where I didn't know exactly what it was going to be about. I'm also starting to worry that the whole purpose of the book, which is driving everything that happens, I'm not explaining and describing well enough. And that's, you know, just a tad bit of a problem. It's mainly because I so badly do not want to ramble like I know I tend to (I'm sure you're thinking: What, Annie rambles? No, not possible. I had no idea) so I'm trying to keep everything clear and concise. But at the same time, I'm not sure how much character development is going on. I'm writing it in the first person so I can only give insight into what my main character is thinking. Trust me, I don't want to give insight into any other characters (the main and secondary character count is up to about 18 or 20. And that doesn't count name dropping. These are people who have substantial dialogue). But it's hard to balance how much I want my character to think, describe, and evaluate AND how much I want her to converse with other characters. See, I'm trying so hard not to ramble that I've gone heavy on the dialogue. Oy vey.

But at the same time, even though I am editing as I'm writing, this is still essentially a first draft. So I don't need to panic too much at this point in the process. At least that is what I am telling myself so that I don't abandon the project all together.

Oh and thanks to everyone who reads this nonsense and especially those who had complimentary things to say! HW and TW, you two were name dropped in the book today. :) Just knowing that people who aren't related to me by blood also like this blog and what I am writing about (and therefore my writing style) is definitely motivating and inspiring! So thank you, thank you, thank you.

"Okay part two/ Now clear the house"

Random observations/thoughts while job hunting at Panera:

-I got an outlet spot: Prime real estate. I've determined there are four outlets in Panera. Three near the front and one near the back. I feel bad hogging it the whole time but my battery seriously lasts for an hour (even on the better energy savings setting). I know I'm gonna be here for while so I gotta snag it while I can.

-A guy just sat down at the table across from my table. We are facing each other due to the positioning of our laptops. I anticipate lots of accidental eye contact will ensue since we are all of two yards apart (He is cute so I don't mind too much).

-Eye Contact Final Count: 2

-Since said boy was cute and he may have been the guy that I asked to watch my computer last week, I tried really hard to stare solely at my screen. Too bad, I thought that game would be more fun. Next time, next time.

-The lady sitting near me is reading Jodi Picoult's latest book "Handle With Care". I'm a big fan of the Jod-ster but that book was a disappointment. It was like "My Sister's Keeper" but... not as good. I almost want to ask her if she has read other books by Picoult and if she's enjoying this one.

-I asked her to watch my computer while I went to the restroom and almost asked her if she was liking the book when I came back after saying thanks but I chickened out. I don't want her to think I'm weird.

-I'm listening to my "Recently Added" playlist on my iPod. This includes the latest album from The Avett Brothers (I love it. Or should I say I and love and it? hahaha), the new single from OneRepublic, and lots of songs from the show Glee. The playlist has truly become the highlight of the job search. At least if I am about to cry I can bop my head along with the mashup of Halo and Walking on Sunshine from the Glee girls.

-I always have Gmail opened in another tab or window. At the moment, the three contacts/ friends that are "active" (green light) form AT&T when you glance down at the first letters of their names. I enjoy this.

(Sidenote: I always want the lights to form a stoplight looking pattern (Red, yellow, green). I always think I am about to discover a way that yes, it will work if I make myself "Busy" and therefore red, but because they always bump "idle/yellow" people to the bottom, it will never happen. Simple concept right? Well I always somehow trick myself into thinking "Yes, it can work!" and I get so excited but then I quickly remember that no, it's not possible because of aforementioned "green will always be above yellow" issue and I get sad.)

-I think I broke Monster.com. Every time I try to enter my email and password it says there is an error. I thought maybe I forgot my password so I tried to change it. Monster.com did not enjoy this. I'll give you a little break Monster and come back tomorrow.

-I am liking this LinkedIn website. Probably because it doesn't involve any actual job searching immediately, just making connections and filling out your profile. But like I said in the previous Job Post Rant Post, this is a website that actually breaks it down into nice categories. Industry: "Writing and Editing". YES. Simple right? But seriously none of the other websites have that as an option. Thank you LinkedIn, thank you. Also thank you to those who have already linked me. Majority are family members or family members of said family members. But thanks nonetheless. :)

-Picoult Lady is gone. And now sitting in her seat is a guy who walked in and I thought I recognized him from orientation freshmen year. So while pondering if it was in fact "Matt G-something" I accidentally made eye contact and after he got his food and sat down at the table right near me even though the restaurant is essentially empty. Sorry guy, false recognition. It wasn't a come hither look. Enjoy your bread bowl!

-iTunes receipts are always such a letdown. "Oh I have a new email! From a potential employer? New family pictures? Athens Blur Newsletter? Another person Linking me?! Oh... no. Just Apple letting me know I paid them $1.29 for the Glee song I purchased last week."

-Question: Can you get refills of coffee at Panera? I saw one guy doing it and my cup is low. But that's not very fair cause then wouldn't every one just get the small cup and keep filling it up and save .60 cents instead of getting the huge cup? This logic has prevented me from trying.

-So on LinkedIn, it will tell you how much progress you've made in filling out your profile. It also tells you the percentage you will get if you do something, like adding a picture. I wanted to get a bigger percentage so I was perusing my iPhoto library and family members' picasa websites to find a decent one. Right as I was flipping through "Annie's Graduation" on my sister's picasa account, the Panera girl asked if I needed anything and had clearly been standing by my table for a couple of seconds (iPod is on so I am unaware). She saw me flip through like ten pictures of myself, she probably thinks I'm really vain: sitting in Panera and flipping through pictures of myself. It's so I can find a job! I swear!

-It is freaking cold in Panera. I swear I am always sitting directly under a vent no matter where I sit in the restaurant. Aggravating.

-I'm predicting back problems in my future. I'm always hunched over my computer these days either writing or searching these career websites. My back is burning. Maybe that's reason enough to call it a day.

-I have also learned blogging while job searching makes it immensely more fun. I shall keep this in mind for future excursions. Like tomorrow....

'And I could a book/ The one they'll say that shook/ The world... and I could write it down or spread it all around"

27,251.

Does that number mean anything to you? It wouldn't to me either under normal circumstances. But as of right now, that's how many words there are in my book. Ha, my book. I feel lame saying that. And let me repeat: I fully expect nothing to come of this. But at the same time, absolutely nothing will ever happen if I don't ever try. And for some reason, some people believe in me (mom, sis, Miss K) so that makes me at least believe a little bit in myself so why not try?

So that being said, I have written 92 (double spaced) pages in Microsoft word. It's funny because I mainly work on it at Starbucks or Panera (I get too distract if I work on it in my house) and I'm drinking coffee and I'm there for a couple of hours so inevitably, I have to go to the restroom at some point. I usually ask a respectable looking person (usually one who is typing away on their own computer) to watch mine while I'm gone (for all of two minutes). But as the document gets longer and longer, I really contemplate taking my flash drive with me in the event that someone does steal it or if it gets knocked off the table by some hyperactive child. And fears about my laptop completely crashing have become more frequent. It is pretty old. Please hold on, Mac. I did just buy you a new battery and hard drive last summer. You can do it!

(Sidenote: I shouldn't write this cause my mom will kill me, but really, it's four years later, it never happened so it's okay. Much like writing this book, I wrote papers or studied at Starbucks/ JJs/ the SLC when I was still at UGA. I would be there for hours so yes, I would have to go to the restroom. Sometimes I would ask someone to watch my computer, sometimes I didn't. But I would always take my iPhone with me to the bathroom. I'd leave my computer (cause it would look silly dragging it along) and my iPod but never my cell phone. And then I noticed everyone does this. Even people who had non-smart phones (not to sound like a snob, just saying, they are not as expensive) will take theirs with them. That just shows how much we have come to depend on cell phones. Your laptop is a couple hundred bucks, nearing the thousand dollar mark, and has all of your music, photos, and documents on it and you take your phone. Just sort of funny. Sidenote to the sidenote: Do you ever worry that the very person you ask to watch your computer will be the very one to steal it? It really is the perfect crime. You sit in Starbucks or Panera and look like a nice, friendly, respectable human being, and wait for someone to ask you and once they are out of sight, you swipe it and sell it on eBay. Not saying I will ever resort to this or anything. Just makes me rush in the bathroom that much faster.)

Wow, I diverted so much that I just had to make that sidenote its own paragraph. Sorry! See I ramble. This is one of my main concerns when it comes to writing. I am trying not to ramble which almost makes me skip over and skim stuff even more. This just might get interesting is all I'm saying.

Oh yeah, I still won't tell anyone the plot of the book. I almost broke down and told my sister LA on the beach trip but alas she never asked so I never confessed (Way not to be pushy LA, especially if you purposely were trying not to be. But maybe you were just distracted by the fun and the sun. So close, yet so far). It's funny cause I really could care less about what people I don't know think about my idea. But my family, my friends, knowing, that kinda scares me. This book is my little creation, what if the people I love absolutely hate it? I know I am going to have to get over that but no one can read it until it's done.

That is what everyone asks (all ten people that know about it). "Can I read it?" My answer: "Well, um, uhhh, maybe. When it's done. Maybe. Don't hold me to it though!" I'll tell you this much: I essentially think of the book as being two acts. The second act is the part that I came up with six years ago. And while I am itching to start writing that part, I cannot write out of order. I can move stuff around somewhat once I write it (meaning switch a paragraph up or down a few spots so it makes more sense), but I have to go in order for the most part. So right now, I'm writing act one which is, in my opinion, the foundation and background for act two. I sort of feel like I am wasting my time since act two is completely etched in my brain but at the same time, since I have known the second act for so long, I am unintentionally and subconsciously dropping hints in the first act. So that's sort of awesome. Good job brain, didn't know you could do that. Granted they could be hints that only I get but maybe other people will too. Let's hope. But I'm about 3/4 of the way done with the first act. I think the second act will go faster but I am so particular about it, it might take even longer. So, who knows?

The fun part about writing: It's my book so I can do whatever I want. That being said, I've almost started to bribe people about it (I figure it's the best way to get future readers/buyers if it is ever published). My family knows about it but very few of my friends do, minus those who read this blog which I am willing to bet is all of two of them (Hi, friends!). And since I am still unemployed, everyone keeps asking me how the job hunt is going. I kind of mumble an answer about how I'm still looking and the economy is terrible. But I have discovered that guys will really press the issue and want an explanation as to what exactly I have planned for my life (... like I even know). So after a lot of vague answers and persistent questioning, I have confessed to three guy friends that I am in fact working on a book. The reaction has been pretty consistent: Surprised with some variation of, "Wow. I didn't know you had that in you. But that's pretty cool. Can I read it?" One boy is one of my best friends so I had thought all along that there would be some sort of character based on him. There is. I told him. He was psyched and had a great reaction. Awesome. Boost of confidence? You bet!

So I've learned this is a good tactic. The other two boys, both messaged me within a few days of mentioning it, one (jokingly) offering to edit and the other asking if he could read it before it was released to the general public. As a result, I've decided when you show support, you get name dropped. Well one of two things: I'll use your name somewhere in the book. It might just be a "oh so and so's friend, [fill in the blank] was at the party too" or you might get a random line or two of dialog (this is the case with friend VM. For now. He might get tossed a few more lines cause he's been way supportive). Boy who asked to read it, TW, got a character named after him and is going to have a way bigger story line than I initially thought. See, when you show support, big things can happen! Or option two: You get a character that is highly based on you. Formerly mentioned best guy friend, RY, has a character based on him but with a different name. Oh and if you're super supportive you can name the character based on you. This honor has only been bestowed upon my mother (since she is financially supporting me at this point in time) and my sister LA (she also encouraged this blog. So if you don't like it, you can take it up with her). So maybe this can be a little incentive not to laugh in my face when I say I am working on a book.

In relation to naming characters, it can be tough so feel free to donate some names. I have discovered I have some, let's call them issues, with name association:

1) I don't want to play favorites with my friends' names too much. "Oh I named that character after my friend I met junior year. But what about the friend I've known since high school, he/she might get offended". I know that's dumb reasoning but it worries me.

2) I struggle with the names of people, hm, how do I say this, that I don't especially care for. Like I could never name a character [this girl's name] because she dated the guy I liked senior year. Immature, sure. But at the same time, it's just like hearing a particular name and a face immediately coming to mind. I just don't want to glorify or literally put someone's name in black and white that I don't really want to... commemorate? honor? That sort of thing. Or it's like not wanting to name a character Angelina because who popped up in your head? Angelina Jolie. I would never. (Team Aniston!) Besides, I don't want you to picture some "reformed" goth girl, with an army of kids trailing behind her in third world countries. There are even "bad" characters in the book but that doesn't automatically mean that they get the name of the girl/ guy I didn't like in high school/college. Like they'd even read the book, but I'm not giving them any smug satisfaction. I've really over analyzed this but names can really make or break a character. So now do you understand my somewhat scattered logic?

3) I no longer have names for my future children, that is if I ever have any. I have used up the entire name bank at this point. And if this book ever gets published and if I ever have children, and said child one day asks me how I picked his/her name, I'll have to mumble some nonsense involving "Well honey, it's the name of the character in Mommy's book". It'd kind of be like how Gwyneth Paltrow named her son Moses after the song that Chris Martin wrote about her. A little self indulgent maybe?

So please, offer up some names you like. I don't think I'll be adding too many more, but a stockpile never hurts!

So yep, book writing is still going on. I finished chapter nine on Friday. It gave me some problems but ending up being the longest one yet. I say it "gave me some problems" but granted I did start actually looking for a job so that's cutting in on my writing time. I just feel like it took me a week or so instead of a day or two cause I wasn't writing consistently.

That being said, I might try to increase the amount that I write on here. If nothing else, my mom and sisters will be more so informed about the book cause I sorta clam up about the details when verbally asked. So... win for them? And you? Maybe?

P.S. In relation to the post's title: I totally do not think that is going to happen. I am not writing anything revolutionary here. As my brother JP so aptly put it, it's a "summertime read for the beach-going crowd". It also adds to the irony that only guy friends really know about it so far because it's completely not their cup of tea. Hence my scheme of naming characters after them. :)

"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt"

How to sum up trying to find a job in a single phrase: It sucks. If you want to feel like a worthless, invaluable, waste of space and life-- just try looking for a job and that will be accomplished faster than three clicks of your mouse.

And someone needs to improve this whole online process. I consider myself to be a somewhat intelligent human being and I went to a respectable university but I get stumped at some of the stuff on these career oriented websites. Considering all of them promote how "easy" it is, I have struggled trying to decide which of these predetermined areas, industries, and categories I fall into. I'm just saying, break it down a little more, please.

After a lot of hemming and hawing, yesterday I entered the rat race of trying to find a job. And I'm essentially feeling like the rat that broke her little paw getting out of the gate and I'm limping behind everyone else racing ahead of me with their interviews, briefcases, and smart business suits. Well, that might be giving me too much credit. I'm more like the rat that is cowering in the corner, crying and resisting the urge to call her mommy. I can't believe I compared myself to a nasty rodent not once, but twice. What is my life coming to? Nothing, that's what.

Now it's my own fault, I'll be the first one to admit it because I did very little to prepare myself for "the real world" in college. Especially considering I want to write or edit, you know, something that requires experience and skill. Well I lack those apparently. I didn't have an internship (Sidenote: I mainly blame this on my high school. I got lunch with my friend EC at the end of the summer and we talked about how our school did not prepare us at all for college or the real world. No one promoted internships, or work study programs, or anything of the sort. I didn't even know what an internship was until Lauren Conrad said she had one with a clothing company on the second season of Laguna Beach. At least that show can say they taught someone something new) and I didn't try to write for the Red and Black or Stillpoint or UGAzine. I respect the students who did and balanced school, more power to them. But after doing poorly in a math class my freshmen year, I spent the remainder of college desperately trying to bring my grades up so school became my main focus. My last four semesters of college I was either taking 18 hours (which you're not suppose to do. The cutoff is 17) or taking four english classes (along with an elective) at the same time. That being said, I had a bit of writing and reading to do for myself. Honestly, it became a joke. Anytime my friends called me, they would just ask me how Jittery Joe's was and how the paper was going because I was there every single day working. I know, I'm making excuses but really, consider them to more so be explanations (...of my current failures).

I've signed up for Monster, CareerBuilder, DAWGlink, and Idealist over the past two days. But it's the old chicken/egg situation: I need experience to get a job but I need a job to get experience. So..... how do I go about fixing this? Cause I searched internships for over an hour today and.... they don't want college graduates. They want underclassmen. And all of them are unpaid. I'm not even above an unpaid internship at this point, I just need something. And then you look for jobs (where there aren't a lot of postings for writers or editors just so you know) and there is always a catch. Well the catch is usually in the form of "must have at least two years of experience in [fill in the blank]" Well.... what do I do if I don't?

Back at the end of July when I went to talk to my Career Advisor, she told me to not look for just any old entry-level job like being a receptionist or administrative assistant. Oh no, no, no. She said that wouldn't further me in my area of interest. True, but is sitting here sifting through numerous websites and finding nothing furthering me? I don't think like it is. She told me to look for an internship. Thanks for that super advice (see previous paragraph).

And it's not like I'm giving up or saying that two days of searching obviously means I am never going to find anything (as much as it feels like that), I just think colleges should require students to take some sort of course about this sort of thing or be more understanding about balancing internships and coursework. Cause while I was wasting away writing my 36 english papers for my classes (give or take one or two), I certainly wasn't preparing myself for the future. Oh how I'm kicking myself in the butt over shooting myself in the foot now.

All I know is: I am unprepared, I want to cry, and I must be highly entertaining to my fellow patrons at Panera because I drop my head on my table, rub my eyes resisting the urge the cry, and scoff or act incredulous when another link doesn't work or leads me to another dead end, a couple times every hour. Oh also, don't be an english major unless you want to teach. Otherwise, you're screwed.