"And you told us to decide what we want today/ But I don't know"

Happy New Year! Okay, so I am a little late on that but hey, at least it is still January. I was going to write a post about how I suck at New Year's Resolutions. I think since I was eight years old it has been to stop biting my nails. This year, I lasted about a day. But then I watched a particularly intense episode of Dexter and all hope was lost. Then it was to write a blog post every day for a year. Then before I knew it, it was January 2nd. Fail. Maybe I can try again in February. And my other usual one is the cliched eat better/work out more. Then Snowpocalypse 2011 hit the DAY I was going to start so that meant I couldn't go outside and we only had nonperishables in the house so what can you do?

I worked on the book some today. Still editing. I know. It's a long, tedious process. As I've said, I work at a Preschool. And apparently I like trendy names because the two main characters I have in my book are the names of kids in my class. But that's okay, they are cute kids, I don't feel like I have to change them. But the name of the girl everyone hates in the book is unfortunately the name of one of my girls too. Oh no. At first I thought I would just power through it but now I really feel bad. So the hunt is on for a new name. It's hard picking a name you like but for a "bad" character. I've already said how I have strong connotations to names. Angelina-- Jolie (Did you know that was the 86th most popular name in 2010? Seriously?) Amelia--- Earhart. Mariah-- Carey. And those are just celebrity ones. Throw in the names of kids at work, friends of my nieces, cousins, and it gets tricky. And I can't pick a name I hate because I am still going to be using it. I care way too much about trivial stuff. But it's not trivial in the scheme of things. Or at least that is what I am going to tell myself. So the search continues. I'll let you know what I decide.... maybe.

"Interjections .../ They're generally set apart from a sentence/ By an exclamation point/ Or a comma when the feeling's not as strong"

Commas. Oh how you are my nemesis.

I feel like I use WAY too many. Sometimes they are all I see on a page when I am editing. A comma here, a comma there, a comma everywhere.

And awesome MS Word makes it so that when you do a quote, it will autocorrect the comma into a period because it thinks it is the end of a sentence as opposed to something being spoken. So point being, I'm inserting a lot more commas into this thing.

I need to poke around MS Word and figure out how to stop the autocorrect cause it will surely drive me insane.

Book update (I KNOW!): I've physically edited the second half of the book. The pages all marked with sharpie and yellow highlighter. Now I'm going back and making all the changes on the word document. It's taking forever but I did make a lot of mistakes so it's okay. I want this thing to be perfect. So all in all, about 25% done with the editing process. That sort of makes me want to cry. But instead I'll just keep highlighting, deleting, and typing so I bump up to 26% by the end of this Starbucks session.

"Part of you will live in me/ Way down deep inside my heart... /Please remember me"

Everyone (hopefully) has had a few influential teachers in their lifetime. Some say a certain college professor, others a teacher from high school. While I did have a few professors in college that I admired and my AP English teacher will always have a special place in my heart (and his surname was borrowed for the book), the most influential teacher in my life was my third grade teacher, Miss K.

I was in her very first class and by now she's witnessed us graduate from high school AND college. I can remember being so sad when I graduated from elementary school because it was such a close-knit, adorable little school and even in the 10 years since I left, it has managed to stay almost the exact same (with the except of the gym in place of the blacktop where I had PE and more trailers). And maybe I'm strange because I still go back to visit. I went to Family Fun Night when I was in middle school, once I got my license and a car of my own I would stop by and visit every few months after school. Even in college, I went back to visit at least twice (I never went back to my middle school and stopped by my high school once during my fall break freshmen year). It's a little sad because all of my teachers are gone with the exception of a few, but Miss K luckily has remained (not just so I can easily stop by and see her but for the dozens of other kids that have gotten the privilege of having her as a teacher).

I moved away from my hometown two years ago (managing to stop by one afternoon randomly, catch Miss K as she was getting into her car to leave for the day and chat in the parking lot the week before my family left) but met with my friend RY on Monday since he was home for a few days for spring break. I told him I would come back so we wouldn't have to navigate a new city or try to find a halfway point. And then the bright idea dawned on me: If RY and I finish up by 2:30, I could pop on over and say hey to Miss K. So I emailed her and it all worked out. We got to have a lovely two hours of catching up. It's so funny cause I almost treat it like a therapy session. I remember one time in high school telling her about how my best friend and I were in a fight and then this visit, I talked about some boy problems. Miss K truly is the best. Haha and it probably is a little strange to talk about boys with a girl she can probably still sees as an eight year old clad in overalls and oversized glasses and used to think boys had cooties (Not really, I was never one of those. Fun fact: My first crush was in Kindergarten on a boy named Matthew).

But the true reason I wanted to go back and talk to Miss K was because she is one of the driving force behind me trying to write this book and get it published. At the end of each school year, there was an award ceremony where the much coveted subject awards were handed out. Miss K presented the Language Arts award and said she would be first in line at the book signing of the recipient one day. And I was the winner! We actually talked about this when I went to see her on Monday. She said I said "Really?" with a dubious look as she handed me the certificate. I also won the Spelling award that year ("Cause if you're gonna write, ya gotta know how to spell, right?" she explained). Clearly I didn't see any potential in my third grade self when I was still reading the Babysitter Club books and writing stories about Tommy Oliver and Kimberly Hart getting married after defeating Lord Zedd and Rita (Power Rangers for those who don't know. And yes I really did write a story on MS Word when we first got a computer. I didn't understand what "Save Changes?" meant so I said "no" and it was deleted. Too bad cause that was one epic tale that the world will never know). But apparently she saw something in me and that little speech has shaped what I hope to be the rest of my life/career. At the very least, it's had a huge impact on my life for the past eight months. It's amazing that my third grade teacher has had this much of an impact on my life. But she is an amazing, wonderful person so it's not too hard to believe. :)

She and I walked down the seemingly-slightly-smaller halls to see if one of my old teachers was still in her classroom (she wasn't) and Miss K stopped to see if another teacher and I had overlapped in our years (we hadn't). And Miss K explained the Language Arts award and her speech and how I really had written a book (not yet published was immediately explained by me) to the lady and I think it really hit me then how much this woman, who claims she had no idea what she was doing since it was her first year teaching, has essentially molded a good bit of my life. So thank you so much Miss K! I hope (and know) that you will continue to influence so many other students in the years to come.

Haha Miss K also shared with me the April's Fool Day prank she played on our class. She apparently wrote us a note saying she had to switch grades and was going to start teaching the fourth grade that very day and we were going to have a substitute. She had this note waiting for us on our desks when we got to school that morning along with the scary substitute Miss Wilham sitting at her desk. She told the sub to come get her twenty or thirty minutes later to let the joke set in and really seem real. Apparently our class only lasted about five or ten minutes. One girl broke out in hives, another was sobbing on the floor, I was crying, the boys were angry and pouting in the corner, and everyone was absolutely freaking out. But then our beloved Miss K came back and informed us it was all a joke making us laugh through our tears. And then we decided to take the notes home to our parents and play the same prank on them. I didn't remember this when she first brought it up (I thought she told us they lost our ITBS scores and we had to retake the test) but once she told the story, it came back to me. I think I probably blocked it out because I was so traumatized but once she mentioned the scary substitute teacher and the fact that a girl was sobbing on the ground, it all came back to me. And thank goodness it was just a joke or everything would be completely different for me right now. And the character named Dr. Kelly in the book would be someone completely different and probably not as cool and awesome.

"And now you can say what you needed to say/ And that's just a risk you're willing to take"

...... and send.

Oh. My. Gosh. I did it. I sent the book to my sister. My hands are actually shaking as I type this. But I'm trying to tell myself that if my own sister doesn't like it (and there is a character based on her), then no agent, editor, potential reader would ever like it, so might as well jump over this hurdle now. * deep breath * This thing has been sitting on my desktop for a week and I just couldn't find the courage to send it. But now it has soared through interwebs all the way to Seattle and has been received by sister's Gmail account and is sitting there, waiting to be read. Yikes.

Well and one big prompt was the fact that our desktop computer crashed yesterday and even though I've been saving the book on a flash drive (this is honestly the number one question I get asked about the book: "Do you have it saved somewhere else than your laptop?" Do you people think I'm an idiot? On the other hand, maybe you do, and now you'll be impressed with the book even if it's just mediocre. Win?) it will be an additional form of insurance to have it sent to my sister in a PDF and MS Word doc. Just in the event a contagious, icky, mean, hell-bent computer virus is creeping around our house. Gotta play it safe.

Oh and as a little bonus for you reader, since why should my sister get all of the fun, the title of the book is * da da daaaaaa* Square One. I've actually used that phrase in a couple of posts as a little hint (I'm like the writers on LOST, I just give you a little bit and it's so small you probably didn't even realize it. But I DID use it in the "guess the title" post so I did give some fair warning). I don't know why I was so secretive about the title. It's not like you can really take anything away from that. But if you want to try, sure. Go crazy about guessing the plot.

Okay, time to be a in a perpetual state of almost vomiting while I wait and worry. * fingers crossed *

UPDATE: So far so good. Our resulting gchat conversation:

LA: i just opened it. square one- cute! ooh, annie, i have all the answers. i'm going to leak it!

me: NO! you cannot

LA: ooh, i love it. i just started, i couldn't help myself. i'm on page 2. this is so exciting!

me: haha thanks. did the first sentence hook you? i tried really hard

LA: why am I nervous? yes, it did

me: YES. thanks

Well at least she's liked the prologue so far.

"I'm like a bird/ I'll only fly away/ I don't know where my soul is/ I don't know where my home is'

Twenty-five out of twenty-eight chapters done for the second round of editing. I have never been so sick of myself in my life. Reading words I wrote, characters I created, little lines I thought were so cute and witty--- I hate it all. And it's not even like I can simply skim over it. I have to actually read it for little mistakes like "begin" when it should really be "being". Ugggggh. But apparently you are supposed to really hate and lose faith and never want to look at the book again for a few months before sending it out. So that's good news cause I am totally there.

I basically spent my entire weekend at Starbucks editing. I would start off so enthusiastically: "Oh I am starting on chapter 6. I can probably make it to chapter 20 in a few hours and call it a night." ...Two hours pass... "Oh no, I'm only on chapter 8. How did I waste two hours on two stinking chapters. Okay let's try to make it at least to chapter 15." ... Two more hours pass... "Chapter 12 is done? Okay, all finished for today."

But I mean really, it is 359 pages and 111,043 words. TOO. MUCH.

Do you enjoy little stories about my stupidity when it comes to editing? Well here come some!

- Leaving off the "-n't" completely changes the sentence. Obvious? Yes. But I know what I am trying to say but sometimes I don't read what I've actually written. I've made this mistake at least twice in crucial sentences.

- I have a lot of "gripping" in the book. Seats, chairs, podiums, tables, banisters. But I guess that makes sense since my characters don't breathe properly. They need all the help they can get.

- ERRONEOUS COMMAS. Seriously, I use them like they are going out of style and I found them on super clearance with an additional fifty percent off. I have to stop.

- There are only so many ways to say someone wraps/ curls/ slung their arm around your waist or shoulders. And I pretty much just listed the three ways to do it.

- Luckily in my Advanced Composition class (a fancy way of saying non-fiction writing) we talked about editing and how to get the most punch out of a single sentence by omitting unnecessary words (even though we students argued that we put in the fluff to meet the teacher's ridiculous page/word length requirement). But this has come in handy while editing especially in terms of possession and the word "of". Why say "the edge of the table" when you can just say "the table's edge"? Sure it only saves me two words but multiply that by 1,000 and this thing is probably 2,000 words shorter than it could have been.

- And thank you B'Way in AP English for teaching me not to split the infinitive. See? I even did it just now: "not to split" instead of "to not split".

- "Just" is still a problem. But I've just accepted it by this point. And no I did not purposely use it just then. Or then. I'll stop now.

- Definitely found a few spots where I used my sibling's real name instead of their character name. Most certainly will be doing a search of each person's name before this whole thing is done. So pretty much in three hours.

- Two of my favorite words I like to use: Nonetheless and albeit. Don't know why I love 'em but I do and always have.

- I have overused the word "surprised" and its synonyms. Apparently my characters are easily impressed (well, that or dumb).

- And the absolute worst part of editing: I have the scenes so clearly imagined in my head. I know what I need to say, I know what I need to get across. So I will be editing and find a word that I don't care for. So I think for a minute before coming up with an awesome new amazing word. So I delete and replace the stinky word with the new word. I give myself a mental pat on the back and continue on my way. Only to skip down three lines and... oh... I already used the perfect word here. So that's why it seemed so perfect. And it's back to square one.

And seriously, people watching at Starbucks never disappoints. Yesterday the terrible twosome reappeared with their mom and her much younger boyfriend/fiance who felt the need to make out in the middle of the place. Classy. I also found out the satanic children's names and am fighting the urge to change my brother's name in the book since it is the same as one of the little demons. Here were the highlights from our encounter:

1. The older boy came in and yelled, no, make that screamed, at one of the workers that he needed a cup of water. George the Worker held up a finger (not the one I would have chosen) and said "One minute, I'm with a customer". Well the kid kept screaming until finally someone else got him the cup. Which he promptly took to a table and wrenched the lid off and spilled, I'd say, 1/4 of its contents on the table and floor, stuck his straw with the paper still on it into the cup, and ripped off the now wet paper and threw it on the ground. It was at this point that I actually gave the children, yes children, dirty looks. They were behaving horribly and I was appalled.

2. The younger boy was eating a brownie or a cupcake or something and dropped it on the ground. The older brother stepped on it with his shoe and mushed it onto the floor, refusing to lift his foot. The little boy still ate it when it was finally relinquished two minutes later (he also spent these two minutes spinning in circles directly next to me yet again).

3. I did see the mom's boyfriend/ fiance throw the kid down in a chair outside and grab his face and scream at him for sliding across the hood of the mom's convertible. But it was probably more so for doing potential damage to the car as opposed to actually disciplining the little hellion.

Fortunately, the kids weren't there today (Just for the record, the first time I wrote that sentence, I forgot the "-n't". I have a problem). But I did get to encounter this:

Yeah, that's a parrot (that talks and scratches its master's head with his beak) in the middle of Starbucks. Does this not violate some type of health code? My best friend in high school was terrified of birds. It's a relatively common fear. I sort of wanted to see someone freak out. One lady kept her distance while clutching her chest but that was the best I got.

There was also a high school aged looking girl (named Haven, I saw it on her notebook) who sat down with what I assumed was her dad at the table next to me. Haven kept turning around and looking over her shoulder in my direction. There is no way to make some feel more self conscious than doing this 50 times in 10 minutes. You can think I'm exaggerating but I happened to look at the seconds on my clock right when it was a new minute and I thought, hey just for kicks, let's count how many times in 60 seconds she looks over. I didn't pick a particularly active minute just to prove a point. It was a completely random minute. How many times in sixty seconds? FOUR TIMES. Multiply that by the 30 minutes she was sitting near me and I actually fought the urge to ask her to switch seats with her dad so she would at the very least stop glancing over her shoulder and could just look straight ahead and out the window. At first I thought she was just trying to see the parrot since the man did go outside but then I guess she was just waiting on her math tutor to get there. Haven, staring is rude but so is blogging about strangers so who I am to talk?

Oh and way to get your act together Atlanta. BEAUTIFUL weather this weekend. Hard to believe there was snow on the ground a week ago. Let's keep it in the sixties this week, please!

"When all you've got to keep is strong/ Move along, move along like I know you do"

Round one of editing: Done! And what does that mean exactly? Wellll, I knew going into it there were certain chapters where I was going to have to increase the description and detailing because I sort of slacked on it in the beginning. And there was a certain aspect were I needed more examples of it, so I had to write it. So I've now increased the final page count to 356 (ten page increase) and the word count is 109, 643. Do you know how insane that word count is? I think that once you go over 100,000 it can't even show it in the little box anymore. I broke Microsoft Word!

Speaking of Microsoft Word: They need to release a hip, updated, down-with-today's-lingo version. I ran spell and grammar check for the first time today and it seriously took forty-five minutes. And more often than not I was hitting "ignore" as opposed to taking one of their suggestions. Words that should be included and not get the squiggly red line of death:

-iPod, earbuds, and playlists. Yes, iTunes does play a role in the book. :)

-Woah, Geez, and "oh my gosh". For some reason "oh my gosh" gets the green grammar squiggle. Not sure why.

-homegirl, douchebag, skank. Terms of endearment? Nah.

-Lip gloss. No hyphen necessary.

-No space necesssary in "Coldplay" or "gameday"

- Text, texted, texting. Oh geez, the red is freaking out on here too. THEY ARE WORDS. Text messaging is a main form of communication today, just accept it Microsoft.

Also, I heard on What Not to Wear or maybe my sister told me after hearing it herself that purple is a color that compliments virtually every skin tone. Some of my friends (I'm looking at you HW and NV) have some of the cutest dresses I have ever seen. The color of previously mentioned dresses? Purple! So apparently, I've remembered this fact in my subconscious because anytime I've mentioned a skirt, dress, top, nailpolish on any of the female characters, what has the color been? Purple. And I feel like I'm now overcompensating on overusing purple and now it's almost been completely eradicated. I wish I could be cool and "a producer on LOST-like" and have it so that the colors are symbolic of the mood or represent an action but, I'm not that cool.

Literature also plays a role in the book and I really wanted to be cool like they are on LOST and have the books mentioned mirror themes in the book. But since I'm sort of not 100 percent sure what my "theme" is, I couldn't really accomplish that. Maybe in the next one, if there is a next one.

Also, a little vent time: I really don't care for parents who treat Starbucks like it is a playground for their kids. There are no clowns, animatronic mice or happy meals here, so please leave. This one lady, I've seen her around before and I'm sorry but she has always seemed a little strange to me. Anyway, she comes in today, by herself, and then starts talking to this other woman. A good five minutes later, her children who had apparently been playing outside unsupervised came waltzing in. They had little toy guns and were shooting people and running back and forth down the pathway in the restaurant. There is another woman who frequents Starbucks and has a cane so she has trouble walking (she gets the VIP treatment from the employees) and one little boy crashed right into her, causing her to be off balanced. Any apology from him or the mother? Nope. She is too busy yapping at the table in the complete back of the store. One little boy stood about three inches away from my table and spun in circles for two minutes straight, obstructing the path through the restaurant. It was at this point that I seriously contemplated getting out my phone and taking a picture and tweeting it. I wouldn't have even been discreet. If he (or his mother) saw me I would have said "Yeah, I'm sharing with the world what a little brat you/your kid is. You should be embarrassed." And the little boys were playing outside, again unsupervised, where there are cars and potential kidnappers. One kid was climbing onto the newspaper stand and pretending to shoot his little brother. These kids were only 4 and 6 for the record by my guesstimate. So then the four year old came in and told his mom he was thirsty and she gave him her debit card and told him to get it himself. Are you serious? A four year old? And then this sweet grandmother lady was there with her two grandkids (who were perfectly behaved) and the boys are running around and she said to the barista "I don't know who they are with" because she too was befuddled by the complete lack of parenting and supervision by their supposed mother. I seriously think you should have to pass a test or take a class or something in order to become certified to be a parent. It was truly appalling. And I have no problem with children. I have seven nieces. I've worked at a day camp. I babysit. There was even a precious little girl yesterday at Starbucks, toddling around and picking up bags of coffee and putting it back. She was precious with her little curls and light up pink sneakers. These little hellions today though, they were an entirely different story.

Oh I also apparently have a "Attention Creepy Old Men: PLEASE Talk to Me!" sign on my forehead that I am unaware of. Well this man wasn't creepy but he came up to me the other day and started telling me how he has owned several different Macs and apparently one like my iBook but it had a seam on the keyboard so he sent it back to the store. Are you confused? I was too so I just nodded my head along until he had to leave after a few minutes. Another old man raced up to me and asked if I was on the internet. I said no and that you have to pay to use it and he corrected me by saying you need a card and then just walked off. It was strange. Oh and there is a man who makes me think of Ralph Lauren and he is super nice when we have to share the outlet. I like him.

And seriously some of the conversations you overhear when your iPod is switching to the next song are unbelievable. There was a lady with a crystal hanging over a map or diagram of some sort and yelling on her phone with a client who had apparently lost someone and was very upset. Why she chose to do her line of work in the middle of a corporate company like Starbucks and not out in nature is beyond me. She also asked Mr. Fake-Ralph-Lauren if he had ever lost someone. Maybe I left out the part where Ralph Lauren is at least 65 if not 75. He answered his parents and she replied "I just knew it". Thank you Captain Obvious. Cause a 70 year old is still going to have his parents around. And they talked some mumbo-jumbo for a few minutes. And then I heard the tail of a story where she said when she turns 60 later this year she is going to get a tattoo on her butt that says "I Love Steve" cause she made a bet with herself when she was 40. She was a whackadoodle.

"Say it again for me/ Say it again"

To edit or not to edit? That is the question.

Well not really, the answer is "to" since my super understanding mother has put a deadline on these shenanigans and is pushing me a little bit more (read: a lot more) to enter the working world (cowers in corner, sucking thumb). So I've got to get this thing done. Well you know before passing it off to a select few family members, and then more editing when they inevitably think that it's all rubbish, and then finding an agent/editor (cowers in corner, sucking thumb and sobbing for her mommy).

ANYWAY, one of the hardest things about writing is making the people seem real. And no, that doesn't mean making them have defining characteristics, giving them a voice or physically describing them. What I mean is making them seem real, having them move, do every day little things. I don't know why I feel so awkward when I write these little bits. Cause do you need to read about her crossing the room to talk to another person? No. But she's not Harry Potter and can't just apparate across the room so I have to throw in random sentences so she seems real.

Oh I can't believe I am using this as an example. Cringes. But it's like in Twilight/Breaking Dawn when (spoiler alert!) Bella becomes a vampire but keeps it a secret to her former family members so Rosalie and Alice tell her to "act human". Never sit still for too long, cross and uncross her legs, tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, twiddle her thumbs. Sort of like that. Note: No vampires will be appearing in this story.

I also feel like I lose more and more credibility with each passing post. But hey, I openly admit at this point I am writing for a 15 year old girl. It's just ironic the majority of people that know are guys who are 22 or older.

So the actions I find myself repeating the most often are:

- answering a cell phone. Or worse, looking for a cell phone in a bag to answer it. But cell phones are such an integral part of today's culture. It's not like I am going to have her talking on a landline... (seriously, I don't think I have the "home" number for one of my friends from college. Heck, I think the only home numbers I have are my own, and my brother and sister's families. But I digress from my point... like always)

- Standing up or sitting down. Flop, slump, crash, drop, ease, slid, slip, - there are only so many ways to communicate moving downward into a chair/seat. And she can't just stand up the entire time. Geez.

- Laughing or smiling. And apparently all my characters are sarcastic or secretive cause they are always trying to muffle/ stifle/ hide/ or conceal a giggle/ laugh/ chuckle or my personal favorite, chortle. I seriously gotta up the funny so they can openly laugh.

- Taking a deep breath/ sighing/ exhaling. My character does not breathe properly apparently.

- And on a similar note, there are only so many ways to say a person is crying/sobbing or have tears sliding/gliding/slipping/seeping down one's face.

- Opening and shutting doors. You have to do it to get places. How many doors do you open and shut in one day? How many times? The answer: A lot. And if you factor in car doors, forget it.

- Walking across a room/ up the stairs/ down the stairs/ over to someone.

Maybe I am just hyper sensitive to it and then I really harp on it since I feel like it keeps happening over and over and I'm really the only one who notices. But... now I'm making you notice it.. and now it will bother you... Whoops.

It's just. So few words. For so many actions. Are you losing faith in the book? Join the club!

"Every word feels like a shooting star ... I'm terrified/ For the first time in the last time in my only life"

I'M DONE!!!!!!

...........I'm done?

...................I'm done?!?!?

Final Count (First Draft):

28 chapters (plus prologue and epilogue)

106,093 words

346 pages

Now onto to the MASSIVE edits. This should be fun (sarc mark).

"So what you say, we give it up and walk away/ We're overrated, anyway"

I think I am writing a book that if I were a reader, I would hate.

....Let me backtrack....

I always hate books that sucker punch you or have something HUGE in the last few chapters and then all of the sudden tie everything together in the last two or three chapters. I just need MORE. More of an absolute ending or have the ending actually play out instead of just a suggestion of it. It was almost like maybe the author ran out of steam, didn't know what else to do, just threw their hands up in the air, and walked away from their computer.

But as I am writing one, I'm realizing, that's really just what you have to do. A) You don't want to read about someone crying/freaking out/just plain existing for 10 chapters during the repair/grief/recovery/reconciliation process and then B) once you have your ending, have it drag on for five more chapters to show that the person lives happily ever after/ is exactly the same/ moves on/ or whatever your ending is.

You gotta have something peak at the end of the book otherwise, why would the person trudge through twenty-five chapters just to have nothing happen? You gotta have a peak to pique your reader's interest. Haha.

Just something I am realizing as this sucker comes to a close. I know I've talked a lot about beginning to love a character and wanting to see what happens to them/ understanding what they are experiencing/ having sympathy for them. But its hard to do that as an author (which I totally don't consider myself to be) and have your story maintain your reader's interest if you just have filler everywhere. These are the little things I am learning and starting to appreciate more as I read other novels.

Book update:

27 chapters.

329 pages.

101,239.

Today was successful Starbucks day. And I wasn't even in my creative chair.

"I'm only singing what life's been bringing/ If you feel it why don't you sing along"

I've always been a big fan of music. But honestly, who isn't? I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that they hate music. And if I ever do, they will probably be strange. ANYWAY, if you haven't noticed, I use song lyrics as the title of each post. I usually try to make them relate to the post in some way but every now and then, especially if it is a nonsensical post, I opt to use whatever song I currently like.

I think the obsession kicked into high gear once I got an iPod my senior year of high school. That thing was my saving grace freshman year of college since I was on less than good terms with my roommate. I listened to that thing all the time: Walking to class, studying, writing papers. It might as well have been attached to my hand (and a coffee cup in the other). It got to the point that if I forgot it at home, I couldn't study. I'm a little co-dependent on it, I guess.

iTunes has always been my weakness and I blame this on shows like Grey's Anatomy and Laguna Beach/The Hills (both of which I used to be obsessed with but not so much anymore). I think being the music editor on a show like that would be AWESOME. Sifting through tons of songs to find the perfect song for a particular scene. Honestly, I have a playlist from songs I downloaded from those three shows. I just love it when the lyrics and music match the tone and mood of the scene perfectly.

I became so obsessed with trying to have a literal soundtrack to my life. One of my good friends left for college when I was still in high school and I was pretty upset. And since I don't claim to have the best taste in music ever, I did go to Target two days after he left for Athens to buy the, uh, ahem, Ryan Cabrera cd. What? His first single "On the Way Down" was really catchy. ANYWAY, so I put the cd in when I got into my car and keep in mind I was super sad that my friend was gone at UGA. And the lyrics to the song were:

"Two days chasing me around/ I go crazy when you're outside of my world ... I feel forty kinds of sadness when you're gone/ I feel the same thing always happens when you're gone/ I know you're just around the corner/ But just around the corner is not enough."

I think I was a dork and actually said "They would play this song if I was on Laguna Beach!" I was driving my car, tears in my eyes, listening to a song (as pop-py and cliched as it was) that totally captured the moment. He had been gone for two days. He was just around the corner in another town but it wasn't enough. And I was really sad. It was so perfect! And I always think about that moment whenever I hear that song when I am shuffling through my library.

Honestly, if I had the option of making my life a musical, I would totally do it. People breaking out into spontaneous song with choreographed dancing? Dramatic, heartfelt solos when I'm sad? AH-MAZING. And listen to the wise words of Phoebe from Friends if you don't agree with me:

Phoebe: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! (Singing) "Daa - raa... When the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."
(Rachel enters from her room.)
Rachel: Morning!
Phoebe: They'll never know how it ends.

Phoebe: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
(Rachel enters and interrupts Phoebe's song.)
Rachel: Hi!
Phoebe: Can't a girl finish a song around here?

What's my whole point? I am using song lyrics at the beginning of each chapter that set the tone. If anything ever happens with this dang thing actually getting published, I'm sure copyright laws will be some issue or something but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. But I like to think I have picked very appropriate song lyrics for each chapter in terms of matching the mood and voice. And I made all of the songs a "Book" playlist and I think it's fantastic.

Book update: Mid-Chapter 25.

313 pages.

95,651 words

Oh and I ended up with a name for ### boy (whenever I hit a part where I don't know what to do I use #s so I can find it later and edit). I ran into one of my guy friends and he again pestered me about my plans and I broke down and told him. He was super supportive (literally yelling "I can't wait to read your book!" as I walked away) so ta-da he got named. Thanks TA! :)

"And I don't even know his last name/ My mama would be so ashamed"

Okay last post tonight, I swear. I am having name issues.

1) I need a boy's name. I think I have one in mind but if any lurkers want to throw their name into the ring, go for it. Or if anyone (hi mom and LA) have any suggestions or favorites, please add those in as well. :)

2) I am trying to come up with a middle name for the main girl. I want it to be a one syllable feminine girl's name. The name I ultimately had decided on was ___ Rose. But then I googled it and saw that it is the name of a town. I know that's stupid but I am a little if-y about it now. The other name I have in mind is Anne. But my name is Annie. Is that biased? Oh and my sister's middle name is Anne and that's favoritism so I guess that one is out. There are two other possibilities: Lynn or Clare. But I'm not 100 percent for either of those. So I should I have that much of a hang up about the name being a town in a random state?

I care too much, I know. But I'm picky. So... HELP!

"But honestly .... tonight I thank the stars ... for everything you've given me"

A breakthrough! I think I figured out why I use the word "just" so much. I use it in place of the word "but". For example: "It was just that we had gone so long without speaking that..." has now become "But we had gone so long without speaking that...". I know this seems minor and insignificant and probably even obvious to you but I cannot tell you how many times I have used the word just. Seriously at least two times on each page. It's like a sickness. So this little realization will be helpful in the parts where I can't simply delete the "just".

Seriously, I need to become nocturnal. I think so much more clearly at night. I would say half of my ideas have been right as I am falling asleep. And then I have to either 1) Repeat it to myself three times in a weak attempt to remember it in the morning, 2) Get out of bed and write it down in my idea book, or 3) Make a note in my iPhone (this one is the most common).

Back to editing chapter 24!

"It must have been the way/ Today was a fairytale"

I finally saw the movie 500 Days of Summer this weekend since I sat on my couch recovering for 48+ hours (I also watched the Teen Mom Marathon, the episodes of Jersey Shore I had missed, Superbad, the SAG awards, and most of The Pregnancy Pact, Lifetime's finest original movie. Productivity at its finest people). I liked it. It was good. But I mean you know all along it's not a love story; that it's most likely not going to end well. I like Joseph Gordon-Levitt (he's come a long way since his days of luscious locks on 3rd Rock from the Sun) and I find Zooey Deschanel strangely enchanting. So I sort of loved/hated her character. All in all, a good movie. But the scene that stuck out most to me, the one where I jolted up in my seat and was like "They get it!" was the brilliant Expectations vs. Reality scene. (PS Don't watch past the 2:30 mark if you don't want a spoiler!)

500 days of Summer - Expectations vs Reality from G. on Vimeo.

Amazing! Because this is how I think I view writing the book: Expectations vs. Reality. Allow me to explain:

My brother asked me over Christmas if anything funny or interesting happens to me, whether or not that means it automatically ends up in the book. My reply: Sort of. I don't know if this is a trait common in all people that want to write, but I think we are always kind of writing our own story. And maybe that means we are a little delusional. After all, we all have a very impossible feat in mind: to get published one day. But by writing our own story, I mean having an overactive imagination. Like something can happen, or something can be about to happen, and I can bend and twist and imagine something in my head as to how I want it to play out. Does it ever actual happen? Rarely. It's sort of like I have the figurines to my old doll house (that I spent HOURS playing with and that is probably still my favorite Christmas gift I have ever received) and I am making them act out my story. Just like how I have used my friends names and some of my friends and family members have highly influenced characters but I am weaving it all together.

Sort of like a quilt! Well this thing happened to me junior year of high school but I can alter and shape it for this character at this point in time and it's all brand new. Does that make sense? I'm streaming together all of these events and instances and people in my life into this story. Now does that mean that I am writing a biography? No way. Am I borrowing scenes from my life that I've actually experienced but changed outcomes for the better and in some cases, the worst? Yep. Do I have snippets of conversations that I've had with people that have had an impact on me? You bet! Do some of the scenes play straight out of my life like it was movie? Unfortunately yes. I think I have lost so many potential readers after today's posts. Sad. Oh well, moving on...

See sometimes I read through what I've written and I'm think, "Wow people are going to think I have no imagination. I just borrowed from real life SO much" but in reality, it was the idealized or wanted version of reality. My expectations of reality before I knew what reality held. Is this making any sense? Probably not. Just like the book.

All in all, yes some of the stuff I am writing has actually happened, some I wished had happened, and others hadn't. But at the same time I obviously know myself better than anyone else so I know what's real and what is made up. The only risk I run is my family truly knowing some of the stuff. But I'll lay it out right here right now: Since all of the family characters are based on the real people, there is little imagination there in certain aspects. The appearance, character traits, and professions are mostly the same. I mean the way I look at it, I could write what I know or I could write the opposite. But what's the point of doing the opposite? I'm already keeping track of these 10+ characters (sometimes even accidentally putting the "real" name instead of the "character" name. whoops!) so keeping with an alternate reality would just be too hard. Sister AE is named Sutton in the book. Her profession should be.... a doctor? no. a CEO? no. .... uh.... a teacher? Like she is in real life? Cause that's just a part of who she is. So I'm keeping it simple. But at the same time, random people don't know my family. Heck, I don't think my friends could name all my siblings and nieces. So I don't think I run the risk of it being too obvious. Well, minus the fact I just admitted it.

Plus, I've found when you read the About the Author section when it is their first novel, you see a lot of parallels. One of the funniest books I have ever read is Notes from the Underbelly by Risa Green. The book is about a woman named Lara (kind of close to Risa) and she is a former lawyer who is now a guidance counselor at a private prep school. Even though she hasn't always wanted kids, once her husband gets bitten by the baby bug, she is fully on board and wouldn't you know it? She gets pregnant even though she has no idea about becoming a mother and you get to laugh along with her/ at her baby blunders and mistakes. Now if you read the about the author: Risa is a former lawyer, now guidance counselor who is now experiencing being a mother for the first time with her husband. She admits a lot of what her character did and said are things she did and the misconceptions she had about pregnancy and having children. I'm just saying, I think this Expectations/Reality thing is more common than people think. Especially with authors. Particularly first-time authors.

Oh and another thing. People might have thought my whole "naming characters after people I know" was weird BUT I cannot tell you how many times I have read the acknowledgments and then lo and behold, there are characters with the same name! Shocking! I mean I don't know JK Rowling personally. How do I know she doesn't have a best friend named Harry? Or she doesn't know twins named Fred and George. Maybe her mean old uncle was named Vernon. Or she had a favorite professor named Lupin. You just never know! And look at Nicholas Sparks: almost all of his main characters are named after his children. And I think that's a pretty sweet deal for them.

So I'm just saying, all of these things I feel somewhat embarrassed about, I'd like to think are more common than I originally thought! Whew!

And finally, since I am in such an honest mood today. There are five things that have highly influenced my life and are major players in the book:

1. My family.

2. My friends.

3. _____ _____.

4. ___ ____ ______.

5. __ _____.

Oh you didn't think I was just going to give everything away did you? I'm not that brave! At least not yet. Maybe one day. Guess you'll just have to keep reading. :)

"I need someone to understand/ Can you hear me/ I'm lost in my thoughts"

I've already admitted that I was the atypical English major in college. In fact I didn't enjoy the majority of my assigned reading. Moby Dick? No thanks. The Last of the Mohicans? I barely got to page 60 before complete boredom set in. I'll admit I liked Sense and Sensibility and enjoyed the plays I read in my Modern Drama class (or really any class I took with Dr. Vance) but that was pretty much it. So since this whole "you're writing a book?!" thing continues to come up in random conversations (which makes me immensely embarrassed and uncomfortable. Just for the record.) I am getting asked more and more frequently who my favorite writers are and what my book is going to be like. So, this post is going to have two answers in one. I'm like the final season of Lost, I'm giving you some answers!

I realized a few months ago that my "book" was probably going to be aimed at young adults (or YA as it is called in the biz). I've always liked to read books about people who around my age. I can relate, I know what they are going through, I understand how they think and process events and information. So even right now at the ripe age of 22, I wouldn't mind reading a book about a 16 year old (see Harry Potter and Twilight) or characters who are older but I can still relate to. I don't mind reading about characters getting married or having kids but getting divorced or dealing with a midlife crisis, I could do without. But at the same time, I'm not married, I don't have kids, I haven't been through a divorce so... I can't really write about things I haven't experienced. Cause I definitely am abiding by the "write what you know" rule. So. That being said an author that I think I most closely associate my style of writing with is Sarah Dessen.

Here is the blurb from the back of my favorite Dessen novel "The Truth about Forever":

"A long hot summer... that's what sixteen year old Macy Queen has to look forward to. Her boyfriend, Jason, is going away to Brain Camp. She's stuck with a dull-as-dishwater job at the library. And all of her free time promises to be spent studying for the SATS or grieving silently with her mother over her father's death.

But everything changes when Macy is corralled into helping out at one of her mother's open house events, and she meets the chaotic Wish Catering crew. Before long, Macy ditches her library job and joins up with the Wish gang: bighearted Delia; quiet, introspective Monica; and the fun-loving, fashion-conscious Kristy. But best of all, there's Wes- artisitc, insightful, and understanding Wes- who gets Macy to look at life in a whole new way..."

Here is another blurb from my other favorite "This Lullaby":

"Remy always knows when to give a guy "the speech"-- right after the intial romantic rush. but before anything gets too serious. She's had her fair share of boyfriends, and she's learned all there is to learn from her mother, who is currently working on husband number five. So why is it that Remy can't seem to dump Dexter? It can't be his name. It can't be that he's messy and disorganized. And it certainly isn't that's he's a musician-- just like Remy's father, a man she never knew because he left before she was born. Could it be that Remy's romantic rules to live by don't apply anymore?"

And finally we have the blurb from "Just Listen":

"Annabel Greene is the girl who has everything. At least that's who she plays in the commercial for Kopf's Department Store: top student, popular cheerleader, dazzling prom queen surrounded by friends. In real life, though, Annabel is the girl who has nothing: no best friend since her relationship with mean-but-exciting Sophie ended with malicious rumors flying, no peace at home while her older sister's eating disorder preoccupies the family, and no ability to tell anyone what's on her mind.

And then she meets Owen Armstrong- intense, obsessed with music, and determined to always tell the truth, no matter what the consequences.

Can a girl who hates confrontation find a way to connect with a guy who thrives on it? And can Annabel find the courage to tell what really happened the night she and Sophie stopped being friends?"

I have a feeling a lot of your hopes just deflated about the book. But that's honestly what I am aiming for. Nothing revolutionary, nothing mind-blowing or philosophical. Family is going to be a big component (though maybe not as large as my family members are hoping), friends are going to play a major role, and that crazy little thing called love might be making an appearance too. Oh but don't worry, my story isn't taking place in high school. I've been there and done that so I don't need to mentally live there for a few more years. Blah.

So that's why I don't rattle off a list of favorite authors whenever someone asks. Sure, I like Dessen, Emily Giffin, Jodi Picoult, and Kristin Harmel, but those aren't exactly names everyone knows like Tolstoy, Bronte, Steinback, or Tolkien. I'm not embarrassed, it's just people can't relate so I just say "Oh I like contemporary (aka frou frou) stuff". Plus I get judged by boys when I say Nicholas Sparks. Say what you will about him, but the man can write a love story and make you cry in the last chapter. Every. Single. Time (Or is it just me? I cry at Publix commercials so it could just be me).

See why I've been so reluctant to talk about the book? I think a lot of people have their expectations set way too high. I'm just trying to tell a story that I've had in my head for years and I like it but I don't know if every one else will. But I'll never know if I don't try so let's keep going.

Book update:

22 chapters DONE.

262 pages.

79,998 words.

Holy crap!

"You're hot then you're cold/ You're yes then you're no/ You're in then you're out/ You're up then you're down"

So it's January sixth and this is my first post of 2010. Whoops. And it's sorta going to be about the book. Whoops x2. So much for my new year's resolution. But those never work out. Especially when you consider that my NYR has been to stop biting my nails since I was nine and that's still a bust so who really thought I wasn't going to write about the book in my next post? Anyway...

I just finished reading "The Smart One and the Pretty One" by Claire LaZebnik and it made me wonder: do authors purposely make one character more likable than the other or is it based on your personal preference and who you identify with because of your own opinions and tendencies? I mean in Harry Potter, sure, Harry was good and Voldemort was bad. That's obvious. But in chick lit and Young Adult fiction, is it that black and white?

For example Smart/Pretty is about two sisters: Ava and Lauren. Ava is the successful lawyer who is a little dowdy but she's nice and reserved. Lauren is the outgoing and fashionable sister who doesn't think about consequences and her debt is a big problem in the book. Now even in my description doesn't it show that I favored Ava over Lauren? But is that just because I'm not reckless and I don't try to meddle in people's lives and if I was severely in debt, I wouldn't continue to purchase fancy tops and designer jeans? But if someone is into fashion and likes to go with flow, does that mean they didn't care for the perhaps "boring" and "simplistic" Ava? Or is it the author who makes us favor Ava more than Lauren? I'm just not sure.

In movies, it's more subjective. For example, my college roommate and I both saw "Revolutionary Road" and I asked which character she sympathized with more. She said she was Team Kate while I was Team Leo. That's cool, different strokes for different folks. But I just kept wondering as I read this book, how could anyone like Lauren? She is pretty careless with other people's feelings, she forces her sister to do things she doesn't want to do, and she ends up falling for this horrible guy. It's the horrible guy that really clinched it for me. Now that character, that guy, the author made terrible on purpose. No doubt about it. He's rude and harsh and just an overall jerk. Which is why it is surprising that Lauren, this flirty, flighty, carefree girl would fall for him. So I just wonder how much authors manipulate their reader's thoughts and opinions.

Cause I'll be honest, there are one or two characters I obviously portray in a poor (read: pretty much pitch black) light in my book. But then there is one character and I don't know why, but I just don't like her sometimes. I know, it's insane. I created her, why wouldn't I like her? And I don't list horrible trait after horrible trait. In fact I almost feel guilty about not liking her so I am tossing a few noble things her way. But it's just weird. And I wonder IF people ever actually read this, will they not like her either or will they prefer her over the main character? Or do people just not care and I just read way too much into stuff?

These are just the thoughts that I have as I read novel after novel cause like I said, I consider it to be research.

Oh and two more thoughts: Why is that so many narrators say "I/my family wasn't particulary religious"? Is it just cause religion is a touchy subject so no one really wants to bring it into their stories? But Nicholas Sparks uses it quite a bit and he is still successful. I was actually surprised by how much he brought it up in his most recent book, "The Last Song". But maybe it caters more to his audience? And then my other thought: why is it whenever you want to illustrate that a character is crazy/outgoing/eccentric, the narrator/writer always says how they piece together different articles of clothing that "normally would like ridiculous but on her it looked fabulous and right". If I had a dollar for every time I read some variation of this, I'd be a rich girl. So I guess if you're looking to branch out, just mix together a bright yellow shirt with a hot pink skirt and add on some funky bracelets and blue stilettos and you're good to go. Oh cliches. But I'm sure I use one or two (or fifty) in my book so who am I to judge? Plus at the end of the day, they've gotten books published and I just have a 233 page word document. So they win!

"Explosions off in the distance/ So this is the new year"

Sorry Survivor hijacked the blog for a while there. But good news is the new season doesn't start until February so I get a nice break from pausing my Tivo every ten seconds and scouring the internet for photos. Hooray!

Oh and then my family invaded my house for Christmas and are still currently here so that's another reason posts have been a little scant these days. But my NYE resolution is to write on here more often about things other than Survivor and the book so let's hope that works out for me!

.... but it's not the new year yet so one more mini-book post. Bad news: I'm an idiot. I had two chapter fifteens. Doh! but that means... Good news: I have twenty chapters instead of nineteen. This big "event" I am writing right now is actually turning out to be way longer than expected so I think the final chapter count is getting bumped up from 26 to 28. Exciting?! * shrugs * Sure, why not? Oh and because said family and holidays have hijacked my life, I have worked very little on the book. So that means sister LA didn't get to read it and that means it's staying under wraps for a bit longer. * sigh * (I am considering doing Teaser Tuesdays... if I ever get to that point). Well another resolution will be to finish the book by the end of... February. I'd say January but it's back to the rat race of trying to find a job for this girl so that will be intruding on my writing time. Bummer. So that catches us up to speed on the book, since I know you were dying to know. :)

And I leave you with this:

Three Ways I am Weird When It Comes to Reading Books:

1. I rarely stop reading in the middle of a chapter. Even if I am exhausted, I will push through to the end (or at the very least, stop at a determined break in the chapter usually complete with a cute little design or page break). I think this tendency of mine is the reason why I am aiming to have the majority of my chapters be between ten and fifteen pages: Just enough pages to read before shutting off the light.

2. I never read the blurb on the back of the book aside from when deciding which one to purchase. At the moment, I have a stack of 18 books (I like to call it research) waiting for me to read at my leisure. But when selecting the next one, I can't read the back because it's inevitable that a major plot point is given away and you trudge through however many chapters where suspense is built up but you know what happens. Sort of like in a movie when they make you think a character is about to die but then you remember that scene in the trailer where they were alive and well that hasn't happened yet so you assume they aren't dying right at this point. The suspense disappears along with some of the joy of reading.

3. I rarely abandon books. There was a point during my sophomore year of college where I read three books in a row that absolutely sucked. I hated them; they had no redeeming qualities but I finished them in spite of my hatred. Unfortunately, I have sad news to report: I abandoned a book today. My sister let me borrow it and I was about four chapters in and realized I could really care less about what happened to the main character. I complained to said sister who lent me the book and she said both she and my other sister both thought it was "eh". So, forget that when I have a stack of almost twenty books waiting to be devoured. Next!

"There are some things we don't talk about/ Rather do without"

Here are seven things that definitely will not be happening in my book:

1. I won't lie to you, lead you astray. Well at least not in terms of "he is my best friend, nothing would ever happen between us" only to have them end up together in the last chapter. Not happening.

2. On a similar note, I will not introduce a character that is repulsive and annoying, and then... ta da... have the main character end up with him in the last chapter. SO unbelievable.

3. There will be no going to England or Australia for self-discovery. I imagine those authors' thought processes are something like this: "She has to go somewhere new and learn something! But I am not going to learn something like a new language to incorporate into my book so I'll just put her in England since they speak English there and just use words like " the tube" and "my flat" and "Happy Christmas" and "Blimey".

4. There is no rich relative who dies and leaves behind a million dollars/a house in a different country where the character must live for a year before selling it. Who knew this was such a common plot device?

5. In the midst of a broken heart, my character will not open a bakery that will end up being the best place in town. I guess because main characters are girls and girls should be able to bake so I'll have her do that and be successful and independent!

6. No vampires. Or werewolves. Or witches. Though I did enjoy the Harry Potter and Twilight series, I'm not all about fantasy/sci-fi stuff.

7. In an earlier post I said how much I hate the ambiguous ending. So that can be #7.

Don't you fret. I won't do any of these things! Mini rants... done!

"Some things get lost/ Some things just disappear"

I got too cocky. "Oh I'm writing a chapter a day!" "I am going to finish this like next week" "Everything is going swimmingly" Well, FALSE. This last chapter was terrible, horrible, no good, bad, awful. I can't even bring myself to reread it. Usually I write for a couple hours, go home, do whatever and decompress, and then review/edit that night. Couldn't do it yesterday. Sigh.

I am going to tell myself I am crumbling under the pressure of writing what I have planned all along. Kind of like I won't be able to live up to my big idea. Which I should be able to since it is my idea, but I am failing. I've always had two pretty big plot points in my head: The one I am currently writing is you know, a pretty big deal, not only in its self but also for the fact that it sets up the next big plot point. EPIC fail.

It's not even writer's block. I know what I have to write. I just can't actually put it into words. Sigh. The chapter before this one was if-y. And now this one... I almost just want to delete it without even re-reading it. But I won't.

Or maybe it all because there were no comfy chairs/ creative couches/ smart seats left at Starbucks yesterday. Yeah, let's blame it on that.

But in other news, I am on page 203. But unfortunately at least 10 pages (probably more like 202.5 pages) are crap.

"Well until you get there/ Go on, go ahead and scream it/ Just say it"

Another day spent at Starbucks, another chapter finished. Seriously, why didn't I discover this chair before? I would already be finished if I had been doing this all along. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20. Plus I think I've gained some confidence and found my voice so that probably helps too.

But I've discovered I'm a "method writer". It's kind of like method acting. I try to imagine myself in the situation and how I would feel and what I would say. Like the last chapter, the main girl was really angry and I tried to imagine how I would feel in her situation. And I got angry. Like I was typing really hard and kinda slamming the keys and I had an angry look on my face. I know the angry look part because people were looking at me kind of weird.

And then today was a more emotional and sad chapter. Really, it was the chapter I had come up with a long time ago but fine tuned and altered to fit into what I've created this far. My hands were actually shaking as I started to type it out. I was so nervous! I'm such a dork.

Maybe if I keep this pace up I will finish by the time LA gets here! Or at least during her three week stay. * Fingers crossed *

Oh yeah, what do you all do in situations like these: Last week, a guy was sitting in my creative chair. That's okay cause I sat in the other chair next to it but my battery was already plummeting so when he got up to go order a drink, I snuck behind his chair and plugged in my charger. But I felt kinda bad intruding on his space so I told him when he got back. He said it was fine and we started talking about my computer's crappy battery and how he just got the new MacBook Pro. We seriously talked about Macs for about five minutes. We were dorks. And then we both worked a little bit more. He noticed when I started packing up my stuff and offered to unplug my charger for me. Aw. So then we talked a few minutes more about how he is still in school and has finals coming up and his major. He was a nice kid (I say kid only cause he is in school. He might be my age; he is definitely close to it. He is also in the army reserves so that gives him a couple of years).

So then today, I got up to go to the bathroom and walked past him at a table but his back was to me. When I got back to the front, he was in the other armchair (the previous occupant had left right before I got up. haha I just wrote "left right"). And I didn't know what to do. Say hey? I don't even know his name. I feel like in these situations I always make myself available for eye contact and if there is recognition, we can say hey and have a conversation. Well, eye contact was never established so I put my iPod on and got back to work. And then I left before him but I didn't say anything. It was awkward cause we've sat next to each other like three times now. But what was I gonna do? Ask him how his test went? I should have asked him how his test went. I'm terrible in situations like these. So if I've ever rebuffed you in a social setting when I didn't really know you, know that I probably had this exact same internal conflict at the time. But we've obviously moved past it, if you're reading this now. :)

"It's a long shot just to beat these odds/ The chance is we won't make it/ But I know if I don't take it/ There's no chance... So take the long shot"

I'm going a little crazy with the blog today. I think I like it.

All I know is I am going to have a heck of a time editing this book. Especially when it comes to a consistent verb agreement. Cause I feel like there has been a perceptible shift since I've started writing the first chapter of the second half. I wrote an entire chapter today. This is how it used to be before I was starting to feel creatively drained and taking a few days to write a chapter rather than one or two. But the problem is, I was really seeing the chapter in my head as I wrote it so a lot of it is in the present tense. BUT. The rest has been in the past tense. Or parts of it have been. I think. I'm starting to confuse myself. Luckily, I have smart family members who are going to help me edit it right? Right! :)

ETA: I think I fixed it! I wrote a "flashback scene" which helped me revert back to past tense. And then I changed my first sentence from "I have met my match" to "I had met my match" and everything fell into place. Weird. Guess I just needed to find my bearings. Amazing how changing one little thing can change everything!

But seriously, I think I found my "creative chair" at Starbucks. It's just a purple velvety armchair at the front (conveniently located next to a well hidden outlet) and I think the fact I am not hunched over in an uncomfortable wooden chair, I really pounded this chapter out. I actually think people were looking at me funny cause I was literally pounding my keyboard trying to get all of my words out as I thought of them. But I wrote for three hours straight. THREE! Usually I write and stop and think and write a little more and then stop and think some more and then go home after two hours. Or at least that's how it's been recently. But this chapter went really well, at least I think so. Minus the whole tense-issue. But I'll figure it out.

Do we like the posts about the book? Do I sound like I'm bragging? I'm really not. It's just that if somehow by some miracle this works out, I think it would be awesome to have a record of how it happened. I still think this is the longest of long shots but just maybe. Hey, it could happen (said in the voice of JP from "Angels in the Outfield")!