"And you told us to decide what we want today/ But I don't know"

Happy New Year! Okay, so I am a little late on that but hey, at least it is still January. I was going to write a post about how I suck at New Year's Resolutions. I think since I was eight years old it has been to stop biting my nails. This year, I lasted about a day. But then I watched a particularly intense episode of Dexter and all hope was lost. Then it was to write a blog post every day for a year. Then before I knew it, it was January 2nd. Fail. Maybe I can try again in February. And my other usual one is the cliched eat better/work out more. Then Snowpocalypse 2011 hit the DAY I was going to start so that meant I couldn't go outside and we only had nonperishables in the house so what can you do?

I worked on the book some today. Still editing. I know. It's a long, tedious process. As I've said, I work at a Preschool. And apparently I like trendy names because the two main characters I have in my book are the names of kids in my class. But that's okay, they are cute kids, I don't feel like I have to change them. But the name of the girl everyone hates in the book is unfortunately the name of one of my girls too. Oh no. At first I thought I would just power through it but now I really feel bad. So the hunt is on for a new name. It's hard picking a name you like but for a "bad" character. I've already said how I have strong connotations to names. Angelina-- Jolie (Did you know that was the 86th most popular name in 2010? Seriously?) Amelia--- Earhart. Mariah-- Carey. And those are just celebrity ones. Throw in the names of kids at work, friends of my nieces, cousins, and it gets tricky. And I can't pick a name I hate because I am still going to be using it. I care way too much about trivial stuff. But it's not trivial in the scheme of things. Or at least that is what I am going to tell myself. So the search continues. I'll let you know what I decide.... maybe.

"Interjections .../ They're generally set apart from a sentence/ By an exclamation point/ Or a comma when the feeling's not as strong"

Commas. Oh how you are my nemesis.

I feel like I use WAY too many. Sometimes they are all I see on a page when I am editing. A comma here, a comma there, a comma everywhere.

And awesome MS Word makes it so that when you do a quote, it will autocorrect the comma into a period because it thinks it is the end of a sentence as opposed to something being spoken. So point being, I'm inserting a lot more commas into this thing.

I need to poke around MS Word and figure out how to stop the autocorrect cause it will surely drive me insane.

Book update (I KNOW!): I've physically edited the second half of the book. The pages all marked with sharpie and yellow highlighter. Now I'm going back and making all the changes on the word document. It's taking forever but I did make a lot of mistakes so it's okay. I want this thing to be perfect. So all in all, about 25% done with the editing process. That sort of makes me want to cry. But instead I'll just keep highlighting, deleting, and typing so I bump up to 26% by the end of this Starbucks session.

"Turn a new page, tear the old one out/ And I'll try to see things your way"

Hey, I clocked in just under the "I-Haven't-Written-in-a-Month" deadline. Go me! If I was a student in my class, I'd get a sticker for doing the right thing.

There hasn't been a book update in a while... so shall I? I shall. I'm in the process of editing (again) right now. While my mom read it, she was lovely and highlighted some errors (some on my part, some on Microsoft Words. Especially when it comes to autocorrecting a comma into a period in a quote). I've been reading backwards to catch mistakes as well as polish it. Remember how I was having serious issues coming up with simple words while writing SO? Like that one time I couldn't remember the word monologue and it took me five minutes and I almost had to ask a Starbucks worker? Yeah, since my brain took a nice long book break, I am coming up with better synonyms this time around. And I didn't even have to right click. :)

And to validate the past year of my life, I've been telling pretty much any and everyone about the book. People at work, Starbucks employees who assume I am still in school, friends of friends. People's reactions are always funny to me. Like when I finished writing the rough draft of SO, I got lots of congratulations from my friends and family. And not to sound ungrateful but I didn't think I deserved them. I think it's because I always knew deep down (even during moments of doubt i.e. chapters nine and fourteen) that I could write a book. And I did, plain and simple. It's the getting published that is going to be a major feat for me. Or just getting an agent and the possibility of getting published becoming more realistic.

But it's not impressive to me because that's the way my brain works. I write. I read. I can do those things. That's how I'm wired. That's normal to me so shouldn't everyone be able to do it?

But the more and more I tell people, the more I realize it is sort of uncommon. Only one woman said she had an idea for book so she wasn't as impressed (but she's asked me about the progress every now and then since). But everyone else who is impressed immediately follows it with, "I could never do that. My brain doesn't work that way". And maybe these are people who can solve any math problem, know all the elements on the Periodic Table, can get 102 points on a word in Words with Friends (Darn you AE!), or know all the team names in the NFL. My brain doesn't work that way (especially math and science) so I'm seriously impressed when your brain does. We're all different. And unique. And special. Oh geez, I'm seriously turning in a Preschool Teacher.

It also might be my age that throws people. But really, there is no "You must be THIS tall to write a book" sign posted outside of publishing houses. Why wait?

"She's so lucky/ She's a star"

I was editing the other day at Starbucks (I know. I finally found the strength to read through it again. And holy crap, there are SO many mistakes I missed. This is why you don't try to condense editing into two days people!) and a lady bug landed right on top of the pile of papers I was marking to within an inch of its life with a yellow highlighter. I think this is going to mean good things: 1) Ladybugs are lucky. 2) They are red and black. The setting is UGA!!! 3) The ladybug really refused to leave the pages as I tried to brush it away after my initial fascination. Maybe this means I will be scrappy when trying to get this thing published. Let's hope so!

"I want to thank you/ Thank you for being a friend"

I had a conversation earlier today with my friend TW. He works for a marketing company in Atlanta. We were talking about LOST and then he asked about the book (he is actually the 2nd or 3rd person I told about it in a moment of weakness when he berated me as to what I had planned for my life). Here is a snippet from the tail end of the conversation:

Me: So what's gonna be the cool new thing everyone has to have since you're ahead of the curve?

TW: Annie's book. Or so the data says...

Me: hahahaha. You just earned a million cool points for saying that. And that's why you got a big story line in the book. :)

See people? Big things can happen when you show some support. Well granted he had already shown support and got a big story line and now he is just adding to his awesomeness. Yay for TW!

"The dog days are done/ Can't you hear the horses/ Cause here they come"

How about a Square One update (or rather a short one since there isn't a whole lot to talk about)? Sister AE finished it! I think she actually finished the same day I complained on here about her taking a long time. And the verdict is, well read the following conversation:

AE: I really liked it.

Me: Yay! * tiny pause * But LA said she loved it.

AE: Same thing.

Me: Oh so when you talk to our nieces you tell them you "really like" them?

AE: Annie....

Me: Okay, okay.

So yay! The toughest sister down. AE reads A LOT. So I knew she'd been the hardest/most critical in terms of knowing what was going to happen since I dropped hints along the way towards the big reveal(s). Some of them she picked up on but I chalk that up to her reading a lot and knowing me pretty well. But luckily the biggest end-surprise she totally didn't see coming!!!! VICTORY!

But that might be short-lived because now it's been handed off to my mom. Every time I think the anxiety can't get any worse, it does. But after my mom reads it, I think that will be the end of my worries. Well until the first friend (TBD) reads it, then my worries will be over.

I have been taking a little break from SO. One friend is very encouraging and always asks for updates. When he asked the other day, I realized Crap, I haven't done anything in a good while since I've been waiting on LA and then AE to read it. So I opened it up to do a little editing and read three sentences and had to stop. I'm still rather sick of myself. But I think I am going to try to do each chapter backwards to catch the grammatical errors so that I am actually reading it instead of anticipating what is coming next.

Next step after editing it will be writing a query in hopes of getting an agent to pimp out my book to editors. I'm pretty nervous about writing the query. It's the blurb, the summary, the elevator pitch that explains your novel and you as an author. Yeah, no pressure. And we all know how much I hate giving away key plot points so this is going to be a toughy. Maybe I'll make sure do a solid round of editing first. And carefully read every single word. Twice, maybe even three times.

"Cause these things will change/ Can you feel it now/ These walls they put up to hold us back will fall down"

This is what Square One looked like when I first started "writing it" seven years ago:

Clearly I had high hopes at fifteen (but I also have a grandiose sense of humor). Oh the changes SO has gone through. First of all, I don't even think it had a title. Actually it may have but it was really lame and it gives away a plot point so we will just forget about that.

I originally wanted to write in journal format to mimic one of my favorite books at the time. Not the case with SO as it is now; it's a good old first-person narrative. And it's funny cause I came up with the idea at the end of the ninth grade. And that version of the story (seriously all three pages I wrote of it) took place at the beginning of the summer after the girl's freshmen year. See, I write what I know.

The names also changed. The girl's name was originally Allyson. But since one of my nieces currently has a name that is similar, that got the axe. The main guy was going to be named Andy because I've always loved that name for a boy but I switched it up in SO because it has more significance now. But I still like the name so it got passed on to my bro-in-law BR's character.

But the HUGE difference is this: I've always known two events were going to occur- Event A and event B. Event B was going to be caused by A. And originally I was going to have Event A happen in like the second chapter. But after thinking it through (for eight years) and changing the direction of the story (and growing up and experiencing new things), Event A is now in like chapter 14 or 15. So while I think I created a lot of background and foundation, it really was important so you got to know the characters and understood where the main girl character is coming and feeling. So while I've said I have known this idea since I was 15, it has definitely shape-shifted and transformed into the little story it is now. And with one happy reader and half of another one (AE sure is taking her sweet time. Sure, she has a job but COME ON! I'm dying here!), I think it was a good move.

Oh but I've always apparently had the "name characters after friends" tactic. One of my good friends at the beginning of high school was named Amanda. The name of the best friend in this version: Amanda. I'm so creative and don't show favoritism at all. At least some things don't change.

"This town is my home/ It's deep in my soul"

Oh! I happened to notice that this is my 100th post. Exciting. Well, kinda. Anywho...

I know you've all been waiting with bated breath for the answer to clue #3 from this post about a key element in SO. My mom (one of my most faithful readers. Thanks!) came sort of close with her guess about UGA football. So the answer is da da da daaaaaaa: Attending UGA is another major component in the book! At least I think that's why I made it two spaces instead of one (UGA) or three (University of Georgia). Either way, UGA all the way.

Oh, did I just lose some potential readers? Florida fans? Tech fans? Well don't worry I don't bash your schools coughtoomuchcough. Like I've said all along, my book is for the young adult crowd. Did I want to write a book about being in high school? No. Nor do teens want to read about having a job, paying bills and worrying about making rent so I opted for college. 1) I have experience. Four years worth actually. 2) When I was younger I felt like I read a lot of books about middle and high schoolers. Heck, the BSC eternally stayed in junior high. Gearing up for college, sure, and even law school but never really college. That doesn't mean they don't exist but I never stumbled across them (probably because it is something you're not supposed to write about knowing my luck). But the summer before I left for college, I re-read the books I had where the character was going through the same thing (with sweaty palms causing the book to slip out of my hands. I was scared, some may even say terrified of going to college). This way, I would know what to expect and all the awesomeness of college*. So rather than make up a fictional college (Georgia University) in Smathens, I thought why not just fully commit? So I did, I really did.

So UGA and Athens are a major player in the book. Restaurants, bars, and landmarks all make it into the book, or at least my favorite ones do. Do you think I lack all creativity? That might be a safe bet but this is the way I look at it: If I read a book that takes place in New York or New Orleans and the author names a restaurant, a bakery, or even a street, it might really exist. How should I know? I've don't live there; I don't know every nook and cranny of the city. It's just a little homage to the the greatest college town in the world (or the tenth according to away.com).

Plus, I write what I know. This should be obvious by now.

* If anyone has seen the "I Love College" music video by Asher Roth, a song that discusses $1 slices of pizza, skipping class, and beer pong, you know that a billion 14 year olds have commented is this what college is lyke?!?i cant wait 2 go!!!!! So really, I might have stumbled onto something brilliant.

"Let's lay these bones to rest/ Build it all over and start again ... We're nearly home"

I killed several trees today. I apologize to the environment. Sorry!

After making the font smaller, downsizing to single-spaced, and eliminating any unnecessary gaps, Square One is now 124 pages (down from 360). I printed it out so my sisters and mom can read the book without having to stare at a computer screen for hours. I'm used to it and don't even notice, but LA mentioned it so I thought I would make it easy on the rest.

I also learned that an ink cartridge only lasts for about 110 pages. Unless it is possible they just get tired and rebel by using less ink. Either way, I'm down a cartridge.

Well this stack of papers was put into a folder and handed off to sister AE this afternoon. I thought I was worried about sis LA reading it but the fears are somewhat tripled with AE. We talked books on the 1.5 hour drive to McKay's the other day. We are both rather critical. She could feel this way about SO. Plus she might also rip on my grammar. Or just the content in general. Or maybe about the fact that she doesn't like the name of her character. But heyyyy, maybe if she is nice I will let her change her name! Incentive AE, incentive.

And since I'm pressed for time since Thursday is an awesome tv night (Why'd they have to vote off Boston Rob?! Thank God Anthony is back on Project Runway. What happened to The Office?), I'll leave you with a little game. In the above picture is a clue as to another topic in the book. Remember this list of the five major played that influenced the book:

1. My family.

2. My friends.

3. _____ _____.

4. ___ ____ ______.

5. __ _____.

Well there's a hint to #3 in that above picture. Take some guesses (if you have already read the book or been told key elements, you cannot guess. Unless no one else does. Then feel free to be a winner by sort of cheating)! Good luck! Answer will be revealed, well the next time I get around to writing in this thing.

And now we wait...

"Talk is cheap/ Give me a word you can keep/ Cause I'm halfway gone and I'm on my way"

Jodi, Jodi, Jodi. *slowly shakes head from side to side* What happened? You used to be so good. And the last three books you've cranked out have been... well... disappointing. And that's me being generous with my adjectives (and very much aware of the fact you've sold about a bazillion more books that I have and probably ever will). I just finished reading House Rules, the latest from Picoult, late last night. It was one of those Stay-Up-Until-Five AM- Cause- I- Have- To- Know books but not in the usual Picoult sense. It was more so, let me finish this thing because I figured out "the twist" about 20 pages after the action started and was praying it wasn't going to be so simple and frankly, obvious.

Here's the plot summary for House Rules courtesy of GoodReads and honestly if you plan on reading the book, I wouldn't read the summary. You have to trudge through about 100 pages for the action to start since it is given away in blurb. If the blurb was a little more discrete or heck even more misleading, this could have been A LOT better. We know Picoult's gameplan: Current controversial issue, different POVs of family members and how they view each other and and consequently interact, a trial and then a big fat twist usual in the last fifteen pages if not fifteen sentences of the book. Anyway, here is the blurb: "HOUSE RULES is about Jacob Hunt, a teenage boy with Asperger’s Syndrome. He’s hopeless at reading social cues or expressing himself well to others, and like many kids with AS, Jacob has a special focus on one subject – in his case, forensic analysis. He’s always showing up at crime scenes, thanks to the police scanner he keeps in his room, and telling the cops what they need to do…and he’s usually right. But then one day his tutor is found dead, and the police come to question him. All of the hallmark behaviors of Asperger’s – not looking someone in the eye, stimulatory tics and twitches, inappropriate affect – can look a heck of a lot like guilt to law enforcement personnel -- and suddenly, Jacob finds himself accused of murder. HOUSE RULES looks at what it means to be different in our society, how autism affects a family, and how our legal system works well for people who communicate a certain way – but lousy for those who don’t."

You can't deny that she does extensive research about legal proceedings and this novel's hot topic Asperger's Syndrome (AS). But at the same time, she doesn't need to share every single note she took on the subject with her reader. It almost gets to the point that she beats you over the head with it. I GET IT. Jacob doesn't understand idioms. He physically can't make eye contact. He is only looking out for himself but not out of selfishness but rather that's the way his brain works. I GET IT. And usually the trial is my favorite part but this one just did not do it for me. Maybe it's because the lawyer, Oliver, is such a newbie and I don't see how he got such experts to testify on a supposedly "uncharted topic of AS" (please, Nicky Sparks beat ya to that one, Jodi), I don't know. All I know is that part fell flat for me.

At least Picoult broke from her usual mold of creating a mother you just hate and dread where you get to the chapters from her POV. Emma wasn't too terrible. You didn't hate her like you did the mother in Handle with Care or The Pact. She wasn't great but at least you pretty much understood where she was coming from. I didn't understand why she included the POV of the police detective since he pretty much drops off the map for the second half of the book. Theo's POV was the most interesting and compelling in my opinion and wish she would have included more from him.

I think my main compliant with this book is you just saw the big twist coming from a mile away, well actually make that 400 pages away. I thought, surely this isn't the usual Picoult "Smack you in the gut and turn you on your head" twist but, it was. Sigh. And then she doesn't even give you a resolved ending. She drops the supposed "bomb" on you in the last five or ten pages and then... nothing. So... what happened? I sure don't know and I'm not even sure Picoult does herself hence her overly ambiguous ending. It's not even ambiguous in the "You can decide what happened way" it just... ends.

Oh and I know this is nit-picking but seriously it's Jodi freaking Picoult. Maybe she is such a hot commodity that they are just cranking out a book a year and doing it as fast as they can so they can cash in on her. But seriously that is why copy editors exist, to catch the mistakes of the author who is simultaneously researching, writing, and editing and therefore very much distracted. On one page she says Jacob can't stand long, flowing hair so he keeps his "military short". But several other times the mom talks about his hair falling in his eyes and smoothing his hair away from his face. Gee, that's not contradicting. And then another time she talks about a grandmother making something for her grandson but later she says the mother made that very item for her son instead. Come on! It's a major plot point hence my discreteness, you can't have that kind of sloppy writing and editing.

The book was interesting, sure, but unfortunately this time around, it wasn't a page turner because I just had to know what was going to happen next but rather I was just hoping Jodi was going to prove me wrong and throw me a curve ball. Maybe she just set the bar WAY too high for herself with works like My Sister's Keeper and The Pact but she has really got to do something to keep all of her faithful readers around for the next one.

Now I understand why Jodi does what she does. I complain about her being predictable and I don't know if it is just because I know to look for clues and how she has written in her previous 15+ novels. I mean every author drops the reader some bread crumbs along the way so they feel like they have your trust and they are partaking as opposed to merely being an observer. But you don't have to give me exhibit A and B and C and so on, all the way to Z all the while repeating A and B and C throughout the novel. Give me a little of A and then maybe a little N and then maybe X, almost to the end but not quite. I guess there is one particular point in Square One that I overly explain. Just because the character can't connect the dots on their own but that doesn't mean your intelligent reader doesn't. In fact that is number one on the list of changes for SO: I gotta take out some examples so it doesn't seem like I'm hitting you over the head with it. Sure, I want you to realize it and have an "a-ha!" moment but maybe once I actually reveal it to you as opposed to when it actually happens in the narrative. Does that make sense? Sure hope so.

Now I'm not giving up on Jodi just yet and I still admire a lot about her writing style and she definitely knows who she is as an author. But if I figure out the twist in the first 100 pages of the next one (yet again, I did this with Change of Heart as well. But that was seriously in the first 10 pages), I just might not be dancing with excitement about her new releases anymore. Come on Jodi! Prove me wrong! You can do it (said in Bella's Karolyi's voice)!

"Don't be afraid/ Just get on the train/ Take it right off the tracks/ And never look back"

The results are in (yes my sister read over 150 pages in a day)! We were actually gChatting as she read the last 50 pages. It was pretty interesting commentary but since LA predicts and gives away major plot points and the ending, that conversation will stay a secret. Here is her reaction after finishing the epilogue:

LA: YAY! YAY! YAY!

THAT'S A GREAT ENDING

me: thanks!

LA: OH, i love it

i'm sad it's over

GREAT JOB LITTLE SIS

me: aw thanks. whew. i am glad you liked it. i was so nervous

LA: i didn't like it, i LOVED it

me: awwwwww

LA: it's so great! oh, i am kinda sad that it's done. write the next one

me: im working on it

So first hurdle, cleared. Now it's time to debate if I should make some changes before sending it off to other family members or send it as is. Or maybe just take a little breaky-break. I might be voting for the latter cause I'm a little sick of this thing. But that's supposed to happen. :)

Oh and special thanks to LA for being the first reader. Especially because we knew we could have potentially been testing our sisterhood if she ended up hating it. But that didn't happen, yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you LA!!! I was hoping she'd do a guest blogging spot on her thoughts but she's if-y about it (as well as busy with little NP's first birthday coming up this weekend). Maybe if you all prompt her? * wink wink nudge nudge *

"Wanna learn from the things that you put me through/ This one's for you"

Hooray!!!!

LA: Oh, man, I'm flying through it now. I'm on page 218

me: haha yay. well i hope that means its good

LA: and I'm MAKING myself stop because I HAVE to do laundry. it's awesome

me: YAY! thanks

LA: seriously, you HAVE to pursue getting this published. HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO

me: awwwwwww. you're nice. i like you

LA: well, i am nice, this is true. but even if i weren't, i'd tell you to go for it

Now some of you might just think, "Come on, it's her sister, of course she is going to say nice things about it" but my sister and I went into this agreeing that she was going to be honest with me even if she had not-nice-things to say because why would I want to make a fool of myself trying to get into the publishing world?

And I would also like to thank all the friends who have been extremely supportive. To the ones who say "You wrote a book! That's something less than .25 of the population can say they did" (NV) to "Cheers to your budding writing career" (TW) to "I'd really love to read your manuscript" (NE) , it really does mean a lot. Good thing I found a way to squeeze some characteristics/ quotes/ names of all of you in there. :)

"Make a scene/ Make a scream/ Like you're losing your mind/ And you'll always be next in line"

So while my sister is busy reading and telling me her thoughts (all good so far! And it's so funny cause I know this book backwards and forwards but no one else knows anything about it. And I know that's obvious but it's so nice to have someone to talk about it with now!) I've started working on my second idea. Too soon? Maybe. But I think it was my brother JP who asked if I had an idea for another book. And I realized... well... yes I do but it's definitely not as fleshed out as Square One was. So I've started working on it. Plus, I've heard about people who have gotten their second book published before their first and so maybe that could happen with this one!

I honestly don't even know how I came up with the idea. I just remember I was reading before going to bed one night and an idea popped into my head. So I scrambled to jot it down in a note on my iPhone and now I'm working on an outline. Well actually, I'm not even there yet. I'm trying to come up with characters first. Cause the characters in Square One were just givens: My family was my family. This girl is based on this person. This guy is a combination for this guy and that guy. In this new one.... I don't know who they are. Yet.

And it's funny cause I make little charts and profiles for each character to keep their facts and characteristics straight so I had a side-by-side list running down a page in my Idea Book about these two male characters. And it almost looked like I was making a pros/cons list about two guys. And this twenty-something year old guy saw me writing while he was waiting for his drink at Starbucks, I could tell he was standing over me and reading it. You can think I was imagining it but I pointedly starting flipping the cover open and shut as if I was fidgeting while thinking and I noticed it broke the guy's trance. Not cool, dude. Not cool. Just funny because he probably told his friend "That girl is in there making a list about which of two dudes to choose and is listing all their traits like that episode of Friends!" but that is not the case at all.

I'm excited about this idea though. It's definitely different from Square One. It is even sort of an homage to LOST Season 6 in ways (even though I came up with the idea before S6 started). There's a big stinking clue to all you LOST fans aka very cool people. And it's funny because with SO, the chunk of writing that I built everything around was the prologue. With this new one, it's actually a scene that will probably be towards the end. It's like I have these puzzle pieces of scenes that I am trying to fit together into one big picture. Just strange how the creative process works, cause I have no idea and I'm experiencing it (sort of... don't wanna brag).

"He is sensible and so incredible/ ... He says everything I need to hear/ And it's like I couldn't ask for anything better"

Want to know the two traits that Pride and Prejudice's Mr. Darcy, Sense and Sensibility's Edward Ferrars, Twilight's Edward Cullen, Something Borrowed's Dexter, and The Truth About Forever's Wes all have in common? 1) They are all perfect and 2) They were written by women. And the first reason is very much because of the second. You know why? Because women writers, as much as we try to "think" like boys, still ultimately write their male characters like the females (just with less pink and jewelry) and that's why they are seemingly perfect. They say and do the right thing and they make you cry happy tears at the lovely, loose- ends- all- tied- up- in- a- pretty- package conclusion. And it's because women are writing what they would want to hear, what they would want to happen as opposed to what would be more likely to happen in real life. I'm not saying happy endings aren't possible, I'm just saying the words and actions used to get there probably aren't as good as they are in literature.

The main guy in Square One is too good to be true in my opinion. And that's because he's not true, he's not real. I made him up, gave him some endearing characteristics and as much I tried to think like a guy for his dialogue and actions, I'm not a boy so I can't write that. Plus if I did try to write a boy, it would just be filled with grunts and mumbles and "I dunnos". And that's not a very good story (especially by someone like me where I really use dialogue and conversations as the main source of information).

But that's why we ladies love Darcy and Edward: They were written by Austen and Meyer and they had them say and do things that probably wouldn't happen in real life. It's just something I've realized as I reflect on the development and actions of my characters. And I'm not saying that a man can't write a good love story (e.g. Nicholas Sparks), it's just these "perfect romantic male leads in literature" have all been created and written by women.

"And now you can say what you needed to say/ And that's just a risk you're willing to take"

...... and send.

Oh. My. Gosh. I did it. I sent the book to my sister. My hands are actually shaking as I type this. But I'm trying to tell myself that if my own sister doesn't like it (and there is a character based on her), then no agent, editor, potential reader would ever like it, so might as well jump over this hurdle now. * deep breath * This thing has been sitting on my desktop for a week and I just couldn't find the courage to send it. But now it has soared through interwebs all the way to Seattle and has been received by sister's Gmail account and is sitting there, waiting to be read. Yikes.

Well and one big prompt was the fact that our desktop computer crashed yesterday and even though I've been saving the book on a flash drive (this is honestly the number one question I get asked about the book: "Do you have it saved somewhere else than your laptop?" Do you people think I'm an idiot? On the other hand, maybe you do, and now you'll be impressed with the book even if it's just mediocre. Win?) it will be an additional form of insurance to have it sent to my sister in a PDF and MS Word doc. Just in the event a contagious, icky, mean, hell-bent computer virus is creeping around our house. Gotta play it safe.

Oh and as a little bonus for you reader, since why should my sister get all of the fun, the title of the book is * da da daaaaaa* Square One. I've actually used that phrase in a couple of posts as a little hint (I'm like the writers on LOST, I just give you a little bit and it's so small you probably didn't even realize it. But I DID use it in the "guess the title" post so I did give some fair warning). I don't know why I was so secretive about the title. It's not like you can really take anything away from that. But if you want to try, sure. Go crazy about guessing the plot.

Okay, time to be a in a perpetual state of almost vomiting while I wait and worry. * fingers crossed *

UPDATE: So far so good. Our resulting gchat conversation:

LA: i just opened it. square one- cute! ooh, annie, i have all the answers. i'm going to leak it!

me: NO! you cannot

LA: ooh, i love it. i just started, i couldn't help myself. i'm on page 2. this is so exciting!

me: haha thanks. did the first sentence hook you? i tried really hard

LA: why am I nervous? yes, it did

me: YES. thanks

Well at least she's liked the prologue so far.