"And I never dreamed that I'd spend my days/ Staring at some tube emitting cathode rays/ I need my TV"

Where there's a will, there's a way.

I babysit for an adorable two year old boy (even if he does tell me I am "too big" to sit on his full size big boy bed to read him a story) most Tuesday nights. Only problem: Lost comes on at the same time or at the very least I miss the first twenty minutes and we all know when it comes to Lost that is like missing 45 minutes of crucial information in a normal television show. I know, I know what you're thinking: It's the 21st century, get TiVo. Au contraire: We have a TiVo but unfortunately it is one of the first editions or whatever so it only records one show at a time. An additional problem is that it's technically my sister AE's so she gets to call the shots about what it records. So she picks American Idol. Yeah cause there is a show you have to pay attention to every minute and has a fan base with thousands of sites and blogs dedicated to it to dissect each detail as it is premiering live. But she wins so that means I wait to watch it online several hours/days later (I know wah wah, rich person problems. But I'm addicted to this show okay!? I need to know!) I will not stand for it.

So to remedy this problem as AI continues to be two hours each week with only about 30 minutes of actual performances and 90 minutes of filler and commercials, I spent an hour today trying to figure out how to record on a VCR (sans any type of manual). I know, I'm so old school. I didn't have any luck with one television, the other is connected to the Tivo, one lacks a VHS player, so that left one final option. And I somehow figured out that a cable was missing, managed to track it down and connect the cable box and the VCR and ta da! I am going to be able to watch LOST and American Idol tomorrow. I am so proud of myself. I mean I can be technically savvy in some situations but situations where common sense prevails or when there is a handy step-by-step manual with illustrations and toll-free help lines if I get really confused. So it's a miracle I tell you! Orrrr it was my destiny to figure it all out (Team Man of Faith)!

"Oh oh I want some more/ Oh oh what are you waiting for"

Oh heeeeeey Panera. I almost forgot what you looked like on the inside. Yep, since SO is done, it's back to trying to find a job. I've gotten to the point where I am just sending a resume to any company where I feel like I am "somewhat" qualified. I mean I have no experience, I have no skills, gotta do what you gotta do. And also, let's do an Observations/Thoughts since it's been awhile! Here we go (Fun fact: I always say this in Natalie Portman's southern drawl from Where the Heart Is. Bonus points if you know from which scene)!

-The best part was a job posting yesterday where you had to call a number and listen to a five minutes message from the president which basically said "I'm awesome and started this company when I was 18 and now I'm even more awesome. I believe you get what you put out so if you're not awesome, don't work here cause we only accept awesomeness." Frankly, the guy sounded like a d-bag but if I worked with him and he liked me, I'd probably like him. Yep, I'm shallow and wishy-washy with my opinions. So I spent all this time crafting a cover letter and hitting the points he mentioned in the message about his expected criteria. And so I finally hit send and I immediately get a message back. Oookay. "Due to the large volume of interest in this position, we are conducting group interviews Wednesday MARCH 24th" aka: the day BEFORE I sent the email. Awesome. You'd think Mr. Awesome would have thought to change the message or something. Oh well, he sounded like a d-bag anyway.

-So I searched for copy editor just now and "What?! A copy editor is needed in Atlanta. ONLY FIVE MILES FROM MY HOUSE?! I can totally do this. It for an outdoor magazine. I mean, I can try to fake that. I mean I ran on the IM fields occasionally in college. I sit outside and watch my nieces play. Sometimes. * continues reading * Oh I must be an expert in fishing and hunting. Yep, can't fake that. Moving on."

-And then, there was a position for a proofreader. My thought process: "Oh I totally correct people's grammar all the time (at least in my head). This was made for me! * continues reading* Must have a great understanding of html coding, and other technical talk that I can't even remember and repeat for the sake of this blog post." Soooo... no.

-All this "upload your resume and we will grab information and inset it into the application" technology doesn't work. I'd rather it be blank since I just have to go back through and correct everything.

-I have also really discovered I use Twitter to complain. I went to the post office earlier today: Someone in line did not smell good. As I was assessing the people in line, the untidiest looking man who I believe to be the culprit made eye contact and looked me up and down. Ew.

-Then I went shopping and got locked in the dressing room. And apparently the door locks/ gets stuck a lot because the employees were like "Oh it locked. AGAIN. Guess you are sleeping in the store tonight. hahahaha" They didn't tell me they were doing anything to remedy the situation and I was pulling on the door so hard the frame was popping out of the ground. Finally I got let out. I also complained about this incident on twitter.

-Since the weather has been nicer, I am inclined to drive with my window down. There has been construction all along the road lining my neighborhood since I would say June if not before. And these construction workers apparently feel obligated to live up to the stereotype of whistling, cat-calling, etc at young girls driving by with their windows open. I do NOT enjoy this. And therefore, complained about it on Twitter.

-Panera is crawling with high school students and it's only 2:30. Must have been a half day. Oh to be so young and naive. And think you are way cooler than you are. But hey, I used to be one of those so what can you do? But now I'm an unemployed college grad so I AM cooler than you.

-Chocolate chip bagel was DELICIOUS.

-I HATE these salary questions. I am a recent college graduate. I only worked summer jobs before so I feel stupid typing in "well I only made this much an hour". Then it's like how much do you expect to make? Dude, I don't care! I just need to support myself. But I don't want to sound greedy but then I don't want to lowball it. Annoying. So I just pick the lowest option and hope I sound humble and that I won't be taken advantage of.

-I enjoy so much when these sites give a progress bar. This current one does not. Boo.

-I do not enjoy when these sites send you a million emails when you submit a resume, submit a cover letter, submit your application. Just compile it all into one so my poor little inbox doesn't almost explode.

-This will mean nothing to any of you besides former roommate AW (and I don't even think she reads this). AW is sometimes confused and sometimes cheers for Florida basketball (when Georgia isn't playing) cause she used to be a FL fan before she reformed her ways and saw the light. So there was this guy, I wanna say his name was John, who made fun of her cheering for FL, we saw this guy ALL the time so we started calling him Florida Fan, even to his face (hence why I am unsure of his actual name) even though he did not cheer for Florida. So this was years ago but we would still see him every now and then in the last months of college. So then I thought I saw him at the Starbucks I frequent once I moved to Atlanta. Several times. If nothing else, it's his look-a-like. And now I'm at Panera and not even the one really close to the Starbucks and he's here! I wonder if he recognizes me. That was a lot of background for a very worthless story.

-Ultimate coincidence: he is sitting with a man wearing a Florida Gators hat and shirt. So you know, I automatically don't like him.

-But (possibly fake) Florida Fan brings me to this thought: I always just want to ask the professional people sitting around me if they are hiring anyone. I mean that's how Heidi got her job at Bolthouse; she met him in a bar (there's a little Hills trivia for you). I'm look respectable and job searching in Panera on a Friday afternoon. I'm a good person! Hire me! It could happen!

-Why does this $300/day for being an extra pop up in EVERY SINGLE job search. And not just once but like fifteen times. I don't want to do that. Why isn't this on a talent/ modeling/ acting site? Although they do film The Vampire Diaries in Atlanta.... maybe it's for them! Maybe I should look into this. Oh Ian Somerhalder. I just googled his name to make sure I spelled it right (I'm all about the quality) and I think it's so funny how "Ian Somerhalder girlfriend" is the second most popular search as it always is with all these boys. Because tons of celebs date and marry girls who googled them on the internet. If only....

-OneRepublic's sophomore album "Waking Up" is FANTASTIC. Oh UnoRepublic. I love you. Never go away.

-I also am listening to several songs from American Idol (that's right. I watch it. I'm not (that) embarrassed) thanks to a handy video2mp3 converting site. My favorites you ask? Casey James and Lee Dewyze. I can get on board with Siobhan and Crystal and Big Mike. I have the most Casey songs but I always enjoy Lee. There's my opinion. I know you were dying to know.

-Some of these requirements are ridiculous. "Must have 10 years previous experience" "Must be able to lift 20 pounds".... to be an administrative assistant? Seriously? No wonder this job posting is still around.

-Oh yeah, months later and I STILL can't log into Monster. I finally made a new account using my UGAmail address.

- It was dumb of me to put my "Job Search" tab RIGHT next to my "LOST" tab. I always start to click the LOST and have to move over. Even subconsciously, I just want to read what other people said about the Richard episode and all the little things that I missed. So tempting. Must. Fight. Urge.

-The couple next to me are talking very animatedly-- lots of waving arms and hunching over to emphasize a point and gesturing. It's very distracting.

-The man got up and he is wearing very bright blue pants. Prompting me to look at how bright his pants are. And it may have looked like I was checking out his booty. But seriously, they were freakishly neon.

-I truly love the iTunes Free Single of the Week. It's how I found out about Owl City's Fireflies, Lady Antebellum's Love Don't Live Here Anymore, and Asher Roth's I Love College. Unfortunately they have been sucking lately. Then they gave us a good one with Neon Trees' Animal and now it's back to sucking. Too bad. Here's to crossing fingers for next Tuesday!

-I have seen several girls with purple purses today. So brilliant. Goes with so many colors. I am jealous.

-I really love epic music. Like songs that are used in the trailers for movies like Lord of the Rings and, hate to say it, New Moon. And The Lovely Bones trailer had some epic music I was able to track down thanks to sites dedicated to figuring stuff like this out. I am currently listening to it and I sort of want to go partake in battle or beat someone up or something. Well not really but sorta.

-The worker keeps cleaning the tables around me, but my table was empty when I got here and it is very sticky. Maybe it was before his shift started.

-A job posting I think I could do is taking FOREVER to load. Oh what to do, what to do?

-Oh no. After refreshing and reloading the page is blank. Figures.

Alright, I'm cold. It's four and I tried. Time to call it quits.

"All my dreams are built around your face/ And this place/ All the times of staring at the sun/ You're the one"

Years ago, I used an index card as a bookmark and I would write down the page numbers where quotes that jumped out and caught my attention. Making me say "That's SO true" and reread it. Well, I leant a book to my sister AE which was housing the bookmark and she threw it away (thanks a lot). So I started keeping little scraps of paper with these quotes on them so I could remember them (and use them on my Facebook favorite quotes section). But that got to be a messy and I was starting to find good quotes in songs, movies, even Starbucks cups so I got a little journal from Target one day and started writing them down. I highly suggest this if you too are someone who likes the little golden nuggets of wisdom, or just the plain, sometimes heart-wrenching, truth. Here are a couple I've jotted down over the years:

"I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up... it simply means you move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesn't mean giving up... it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be." -Unknown

"At the end of the day, when it all comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of crap. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you, at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes that invasion of personal space can be exactly what you need." -Grey's Anatomy

"What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts." -The Last Kiss

"No it won't all go the way it should/ But I know the heart of life is good." -John Mayer

"But there are some things that, no matter how much we worry about them, we just have to face them, and most of the time they turn out not to be nearly as bad as we thought they would be. And sometimes they turn out to be wonderful." -The Accidental Mother

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In LA, nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we just crash into each other, just so we can feel something." -Crash

"Sometimes you just have to say exactly what you feel. In certain situations, you can't worry about how people react. You just have to be as honest as you can and let what happens afterward happen." -Love Walked In

"I wanted my stars clean and steady and spelling out a happy ending straight across the sky." -Love Walked In

"Picked all my weeds/ But kept the flowers" -Kelly Clarkson

"What was my worst first date? Uh, it was a couple of years ago, it was a lunch date actually. It was right down the street and we had just met and we really hit it off. It was kind of nice . And, um, and then as it turned out, it wasn't even a date because she was in love with someone else." -Jim Halpert

"The most important thing in your life is your family. There are days you love them and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself." -Sex & the City

"It's time for you to prove/ Within your ruby shoes/ You deserve a smile with no regret/ Look at you/ Kicking off your shoes/ Dancing for the world to see" -Erin McCarley

"She just didn't know what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. She believed there had to be something special out there for her, a path that was hers alone and held happiness at its end, but where was the start of it?" -Firefly Lane

So yeah, I tend to like the sappy, lovesick quotes. Whoops. And it makes me sad cause I haven't found a good new book quote in FOREVER (seriously like since before Christmas). Here's to hoping I do sometime soon (and heyyyyy maybe if the book ever gets published, someone will write one of mine in theirs! OH! New ultimate goal!)

"And sometimes you close your eyes/ And see the place where you used to live/ When you were young"

Today I did something I've never done before: I got my very own library card! Yep and I'm 22. And an aspiring author. Buuuuut, I just always used my mom's card when I was little (and trust me, we caravanned it over to the library once a week and I would beg my mom for more books each time) and then I guess when I had money, I just purchased my own books as opposed to borrowing them.

The main reason I got one is because I no long have money to spend frivolously and I still really want to read Jackson's book As You Wish. However the library won't let you search the catalog unless you have a card so I gave in. I went to the library today and searched through the YA section for Jackson's book (it wasn't there. super bummed) and a couple others. But as I was searching the stacks, I saw SO many titles that I loved when I was younger. It was so nostalgic. Chocolate Fever, Walk Two Moons, Manic Magee, The Phantom Tollbooth, the Amber Brown (Is Not a Crayon) series, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, Ella Enchanted, and SO many others. Could I tell you the plot of ANY of these? Nope. But my memory was jogged when I saw the familiar titles and fonts and book covers. Sure they were nestled between the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series, the Princess Diaries books, Harry Potter, and Twilight but at least they are still hanging around.

Oh and the series that I absolutely LOVED were the Wayside School books. The kids at my school were also OBSESSED. Like you knew which kid had checked them out, so you would follow them to the library on the day they had to return it so you could harass the librarian once they dropped it in the box so you could be the next owner. Well that or we would all race to the section where they were (a top shelf towards the back of the library. STILL can picture it) if no one in our class had been the lucky recipient. That's how obsessed we were. But it's funny cause no one else I've talked to remembers these books. Come on people! The school that was supposed to be 30 classrooms on one floor but instead it is 30 floors with one classroom on each (minus the 19th floor... it doesn't exist), with the teacher that turned students into apples by wiggling her tongue and ears, the friendly gym teacher named Louis, the three Erics, the girl with the cutest missing front teeth but they are actually there, the girl with the long braid that the boy grabs onto when he falls out of the window, the boy who always gets in trouble for the smallest things and has to ride home with the kindergarteners, and so many other stories. I actually found two of the books at a used bookstore and snatched those up. I can't wait for niece SD to want to read them since I'm sure she will LOVE them.

Oh childhood, how I miss those simpler times. Sigh.

"Talk is cheap/ Give me a word you can keep/ Cause I'm halfway gone and I'm on my way"

Jodi, Jodi, Jodi. *slowly shakes head from side to side* What happened? You used to be so good. And the last three books you've cranked out have been... well... disappointing. And that's me being generous with my adjectives (and very much aware of the fact you've sold about a bazillion more books that I have and probably ever will). I just finished reading House Rules, the latest from Picoult, late last night. It was one of those Stay-Up-Until-Five AM- Cause- I- Have- To- Know books but not in the usual Picoult sense. It was more so, let me finish this thing because I figured out "the twist" about 20 pages after the action started and was praying it wasn't going to be so simple and frankly, obvious.

Here's the plot summary for House Rules courtesy of GoodReads and honestly if you plan on reading the book, I wouldn't read the summary. You have to trudge through about 100 pages for the action to start since it is given away in blurb. If the blurb was a little more discrete or heck even more misleading, this could have been A LOT better. We know Picoult's gameplan: Current controversial issue, different POVs of family members and how they view each other and and consequently interact, a trial and then a big fat twist usual in the last fifteen pages if not fifteen sentences of the book. Anyway, here is the blurb: "HOUSE RULES is about Jacob Hunt, a teenage boy with Asperger’s Syndrome. He’s hopeless at reading social cues or expressing himself well to others, and like many kids with AS, Jacob has a special focus on one subject – in his case, forensic analysis. He’s always showing up at crime scenes, thanks to the police scanner he keeps in his room, and telling the cops what they need to do…and he’s usually right. But then one day his tutor is found dead, and the police come to question him. All of the hallmark behaviors of Asperger’s – not looking someone in the eye, stimulatory tics and twitches, inappropriate affect – can look a heck of a lot like guilt to law enforcement personnel -- and suddenly, Jacob finds himself accused of murder. HOUSE RULES looks at what it means to be different in our society, how autism affects a family, and how our legal system works well for people who communicate a certain way – but lousy for those who don’t."

You can't deny that she does extensive research about legal proceedings and this novel's hot topic Asperger's Syndrome (AS). But at the same time, she doesn't need to share every single note she took on the subject with her reader. It almost gets to the point that she beats you over the head with it. I GET IT. Jacob doesn't understand idioms. He physically can't make eye contact. He is only looking out for himself but not out of selfishness but rather that's the way his brain works. I GET IT. And usually the trial is my favorite part but this one just did not do it for me. Maybe it's because the lawyer, Oliver, is such a newbie and I don't see how he got such experts to testify on a supposedly "uncharted topic of AS" (please, Nicky Sparks beat ya to that one, Jodi), I don't know. All I know is that part fell flat for me.

At least Picoult broke from her usual mold of creating a mother you just hate and dread where you get to the chapters from her POV. Emma wasn't too terrible. You didn't hate her like you did the mother in Handle with Care or The Pact. She wasn't great but at least you pretty much understood where she was coming from. I didn't understand why she included the POV of the police detective since he pretty much drops off the map for the second half of the book. Theo's POV was the most interesting and compelling in my opinion and wish she would have included more from him.

I think my main compliant with this book is you just saw the big twist coming from a mile away, well actually make that 400 pages away. I thought, surely this isn't the usual Picoult "Smack you in the gut and turn you on your head" twist but, it was. Sigh. And then she doesn't even give you a resolved ending. She drops the supposed "bomb" on you in the last five or ten pages and then... nothing. So... what happened? I sure don't know and I'm not even sure Picoult does herself hence her overly ambiguous ending. It's not even ambiguous in the "You can decide what happened way" it just... ends.

Oh and I know this is nit-picking but seriously it's Jodi freaking Picoult. Maybe she is such a hot commodity that they are just cranking out a book a year and doing it as fast as they can so they can cash in on her. But seriously that is why copy editors exist, to catch the mistakes of the author who is simultaneously researching, writing, and editing and therefore very much distracted. On one page she says Jacob can't stand long, flowing hair so he keeps his "military short". But several other times the mom talks about his hair falling in his eyes and smoothing his hair away from his face. Gee, that's not contradicting. And then another time she talks about a grandmother making something for her grandson but later she says the mother made that very item for her son instead. Come on! It's a major plot point hence my discreteness, you can't have that kind of sloppy writing and editing.

The book was interesting, sure, but unfortunately this time around, it wasn't a page turner because I just had to know what was going to happen next but rather I was just hoping Jodi was going to prove me wrong and throw me a curve ball. Maybe she just set the bar WAY too high for herself with works like My Sister's Keeper and The Pact but she has really got to do something to keep all of her faithful readers around for the next one.

Now I understand why Jodi does what she does. I complain about her being predictable and I don't know if it is just because I know to look for clues and how she has written in her previous 15+ novels. I mean every author drops the reader some bread crumbs along the way so they feel like they have your trust and they are partaking as opposed to merely being an observer. But you don't have to give me exhibit A and B and C and so on, all the way to Z all the while repeating A and B and C throughout the novel. Give me a little of A and then maybe a little N and then maybe X, almost to the end but not quite. I guess there is one particular point in Square One that I overly explain. Just because the character can't connect the dots on their own but that doesn't mean your intelligent reader doesn't. In fact that is number one on the list of changes for SO: I gotta take out some examples so it doesn't seem like I'm hitting you over the head with it. Sure, I want you to realize it and have an "a-ha!" moment but maybe once I actually reveal it to you as opposed to when it actually happens in the narrative. Does that make sense? Sure hope so.

Now I'm not giving up on Jodi just yet and I still admire a lot about her writing style and she definitely knows who she is as an author. But if I figure out the twist in the first 100 pages of the next one (yet again, I did this with Change of Heart as well. But that was seriously in the first 10 pages), I just might not be dancing with excitement about her new releases anymore. Come on Jodi! Prove me wrong! You can do it (said in Bella's Karolyi's voice)!

"We were the kings and queens of promise/ We were the victims of ourselves"

Music Monday? Ooooookay!

1. Kings and Queens -30 Seconds to Mars. I'm a little obsessed with watching trailers on youtube. It's just so fun. So there was some 3-d, based on a kids book, animated movie called Legend of the Guardians. And the best part of this preview was the song. But I do LOVE it!

2. You'll Think of Me -Keith Urban. Since my sister's music dominates our desktop, I've gotten into country music quite a bit recently. And this one was actually sung on AI by Casey James (I got sucked in okay? And he is attractive and probably the one I am pulling for at this point). Luckily my sister had this one, saving me a dollar-twenty-nine, thanks to iTunes homesharing. Best invention ever!

3. Breakeven (Falling to Pieces) -The Script. I'm pretty sure I stumbled across them when they were a free single of the week. Well that or the song was on The Hills. Or maybe both. Anyway, I'm liking this Irish band!

4. Start a New Day (Never Look Back) -Zach Berkman. Yeah, yeah, maybe he was featured on a couple episodes of MIOBI but his songs always caught my attention and sent me scrambling for the iTunes store.

5. Edge of Desire -John Mayer. I finally came around on Battle Studies and this song gets a lot of the credit. Well this one and Heartbreak Warfare. And Half of my Heart with Taylor Swift. And Assassin. Those are the favorites!

"Some say we're a couple of crazy kids"

A few quotes from the Birmingham nieces who are staying with us for a few days over their spring break.

Niece CJ is four. She recently had her birthday (seriously, like a week ago) and someone said she was four and she got upset and said "No, I'm four and half!" We confirmed that she is indeed four and she almost started to cry because she thought she was four point five. And sometime yesterday she whined that she was "almost five" and I laughed and said "Good try kid. You got about ten months for that to be true."

Anyway, I was watching CJ put together a puzzle one morning. She is pretty fast at it actually. Well she was wearing a cute skirt and heart shirt and I complimented her outfit and she said, and I quote, "Well look how much cuter I am when I stand up" and she hopped off her chair and did a twirl on tiptoes for me to get the full effect.

We stopped by Chickfila on the way back from Bham for lunch. My mom asked ME (age five, almost six) and CJ what they wanted to drink. ME said lemonade and CJ said chocolate milk. The resulting conversation ensued:

ME: And if they don't have lemonade, I can just have water.

*short pause*

CJ: And if they don't have chocolate milk, I'll have lemonade.

Don't know why I found that one so funny, but I did.

Oh and it's always reassuring to awake to a tiny voice yelling from the balcony near your bedroom door: "Gran! ME thinks she is going to throw up." *some conversation with Gran about where ME is, what she is doing* Gran says she will be there in just one minute and CJ's tiny little voice squeaks out, "Gran, please hurry!" with such urgency. Again, I don't know why it makes me crack up but the fact a little four year old was saying "please" and "hurry" it just so cute. She's such a little big kid. Oh and ME was fine. We think there was a little too much excitement from being at Gran's for a few days. But I kept my distance. AJ took me out earlier this year, I'm not falling for it again.

"You drive me crazy... /thinking of you keeps me up all night"

Does anyone else have this problem? One post back from December gets SO many spam comments. I talked about some t.v. shows and books and had a couple of links to some commercials on youtube but my goodness, I have gotten at least 10 completely random spam comments on that one post alone. It's so annoying! And so I get the email notifying me, read the random junk, and put it aside until I remember to get on here and delete. It's just crazy! It's getting to the point that I am going to delete that post or change the title or get rid of the links so maybe this will stop. Anyone else have this problem?

ETA: Sorry to all you frequent comment-ers (ie those I am tied to in familial sense) but you're going to have to fill in a word for verification to prevent spam. I just can't take it anymore. Thanks for being understanding!

"Part of you will live in me/ Way down deep inside my heart... /Please remember me"

Everyone (hopefully) has had a few influential teachers in their lifetime. Some say a certain college professor, others a teacher from high school. While I did have a few professors in college that I admired and my AP English teacher will always have a special place in my heart (and his surname was borrowed for the book), the most influential teacher in my life was my third grade teacher, Miss K.

I was in her very first class and by now she's witnessed us graduate from high school AND college. I can remember being so sad when I graduated from elementary school because it was such a close-knit, adorable little school and even in the 10 years since I left, it has managed to stay almost the exact same (with the except of the gym in place of the blacktop where I had PE and more trailers). And maybe I'm strange because I still go back to visit. I went to Family Fun Night when I was in middle school, once I got my license and a car of my own I would stop by and visit every few months after school. Even in college, I went back to visit at least twice (I never went back to my middle school and stopped by my high school once during my fall break freshmen year). It's a little sad because all of my teachers are gone with the exception of a few, but Miss K luckily has remained (not just so I can easily stop by and see her but for the dozens of other kids that have gotten the privilege of having her as a teacher).

I moved away from my hometown two years ago (managing to stop by one afternoon randomly, catch Miss K as she was getting into her car to leave for the day and chat in the parking lot the week before my family left) but met with my friend RY on Monday since he was home for a few days for spring break. I told him I would come back so we wouldn't have to navigate a new city or try to find a halfway point. And then the bright idea dawned on me: If RY and I finish up by 2:30, I could pop on over and say hey to Miss K. So I emailed her and it all worked out. We got to have a lovely two hours of catching up. It's so funny cause I almost treat it like a therapy session. I remember one time in high school telling her about how my best friend and I were in a fight and then this visit, I talked about some boy problems. Miss K truly is the best. Haha and it probably is a little strange to talk about boys with a girl she can probably still sees as an eight year old clad in overalls and oversized glasses and used to think boys had cooties (Not really, I was never one of those. Fun fact: My first crush was in Kindergarten on a boy named Matthew).

But the true reason I wanted to go back and talk to Miss K was because she is one of the driving force behind me trying to write this book and get it published. At the end of each school year, there was an award ceremony where the much coveted subject awards were handed out. Miss K presented the Language Arts award and said she would be first in line at the book signing of the recipient one day. And I was the winner! We actually talked about this when I went to see her on Monday. She said I said "Really?" with a dubious look as she handed me the certificate. I also won the Spelling award that year ("Cause if you're gonna write, ya gotta know how to spell, right?" she explained). Clearly I didn't see any potential in my third grade self when I was still reading the Babysitter Club books and writing stories about Tommy Oliver and Kimberly Hart getting married after defeating Lord Zedd and Rita (Power Rangers for those who don't know. And yes I really did write a story on MS Word when we first got a computer. I didn't understand what "Save Changes?" meant so I said "no" and it was deleted. Too bad cause that was one epic tale that the world will never know). But apparently she saw something in me and that little speech has shaped what I hope to be the rest of my life/career. At the very least, it's had a huge impact on my life for the past eight months. It's amazing that my third grade teacher has had this much of an impact on my life. But she is an amazing, wonderful person so it's not too hard to believe. :)

She and I walked down the seemingly-slightly-smaller halls to see if one of my old teachers was still in her classroom (she wasn't) and Miss K stopped to see if another teacher and I had overlapped in our years (we hadn't). And Miss K explained the Language Arts award and her speech and how I really had written a book (not yet published was immediately explained by me) to the lady and I think it really hit me then how much this woman, who claims she had no idea what she was doing since it was her first year teaching, has essentially molded a good bit of my life. So thank you so much Miss K! I hope (and know) that you will continue to influence so many other students in the years to come.

Haha Miss K also shared with me the April's Fool Day prank she played on our class. She apparently wrote us a note saying she had to switch grades and was going to start teaching the fourth grade that very day and we were going to have a substitute. She had this note waiting for us on our desks when we got to school that morning along with the scary substitute Miss Wilham sitting at her desk. She told the sub to come get her twenty or thirty minutes later to let the joke set in and really seem real. Apparently our class only lasted about five or ten minutes. One girl broke out in hives, another was sobbing on the floor, I was crying, the boys were angry and pouting in the corner, and everyone was absolutely freaking out. But then our beloved Miss K came back and informed us it was all a joke making us laugh through our tears. And then we decided to take the notes home to our parents and play the same prank on them. I didn't remember this when she first brought it up (I thought she told us they lost our ITBS scores and we had to retake the test) but once she told the story, it came back to me. I think I probably blocked it out because I was so traumatized but once she mentioned the scary substitute teacher and the fact that a girl was sobbing on the ground, it all came back to me. And thank goodness it was just a joke or everything would be completely different for me right now. And the character named Dr. Kelly in the book would be someone completely different and probably not as cool and awesome.

"I just got lost/ ... Every door I ever tried was locked"

This is one of my new favorite LOST blogs. Except don't go to it if you want any information.

I'm a dork and I read about LOST for a couple hours each week (seriously, if I had put the effort into school that I do reading about LOST, I would have graduated with a 4.0. But Hemingway and Faulkner are no Cuse and Lindelof). I found out about this one through twitter (Cartlon Cuse's twitter actually....yep, I'm a dork): The Final Season of LOST Seen by Someone Who Has Never Seen An Episode of LOST

Holy crap. This blog cracks me up. The most ironic part is the guy is watching this season having never seen an episode and... we faithful viewers know about as much as he does. Sure we know that 108 is the sum of the numbers that Hurley heard from the crazy guy in the mental institution and he used those to win the lottery and then had bad luck and then his plane crashed and he saw the numbers on the hatch when he went back in time to 1977 and that was the same hatch that Desmond was in and he had to enter those very numbers in every *gasp* 108 minutes for two years before the hatch blew up and the sky turned purple and Desmond started seeing flashes of the future and he became a VIP (seriously, where is Desmond this season!?!?). But at the end of the day, especially with these flash sideways and this whole Jacob and Man-in-Black war that had taken over the plot, we all really have no idea what is going on. So if you want some laughs, maybe check it out. And you get golden nuggets like this, an insight from last week's episode "Lighthouse" (spoiler alert, obviously):

Back on the trail, Hurley asks Jack why he came back to the island. Huh? Jack wants to know why he did. Hurley says because Jacob told him to. Jack says he was broken and thought the island could fix him. The correct answer is that you got back to land, realized you had to work, pay taxes, deal with pollution, deal with people telling you about pollution, and had to spend a fortune to spend a week on an island almost identical to the one you were on. I’m completely clueless on how they got off, back on, and why they want to get back off again, but whatever.

Bwhahaha. LOVE IT.

And as for my thoughts on LOST this season (because I know you care what I think): I'm liking the flashsideways and how all of these characters are connected even after not being on the island together. That's sweet. But the on-island stuff... I am so confused. And I just don't see how the writers/producers are going to wrap this up nicely in the 10-12 hours remaining until the SERIES FINALE (I weep). I've accepted I'm not going to get all the little answers but just some universal answers beyond "Why are they on the island" will be nice. I just want a decent conclusion but I am beginning to fear I have set my expectations too high. But as long as it doesn't end with an autistic kid and a snowglobe or Don't Stop Believing being cut off by a black screen, I think I'll be good (and no, I did not watch St. Elsewhere or The Sopranos. Thank God cause I probably would have been irate).

"Don't be afraid/ Just get on the train/ Take it right off the tracks/ And never look back"

The results are in (yes my sister read over 150 pages in a day)! We were actually gChatting as she read the last 50 pages. It was pretty interesting commentary but since LA predicts and gives away major plot points and the ending, that conversation will stay a secret. Here is her reaction after finishing the epilogue:

LA: YAY! YAY! YAY!

THAT'S A GREAT ENDING

me: thanks!

LA: OH, i love it

i'm sad it's over

GREAT JOB LITTLE SIS

me: aw thanks. whew. i am glad you liked it. i was so nervous

LA: i didn't like it, i LOVED it

me: awwwwww

LA: it's so great! oh, i am kinda sad that it's done. write the next one

me: im working on it

So first hurdle, cleared. Now it's time to debate if I should make some changes before sending it off to other family members or send it as is. Or maybe just take a little breaky-break. I might be voting for the latter cause I'm a little sick of this thing. But that's supposed to happen. :)

Oh and special thanks to LA for being the first reader. Especially because we knew we could have potentially been testing our sisterhood if she ended up hating it. But that didn't happen, yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you LA!!! I was hoping she'd do a guest blogging spot on her thoughts but she's if-y about it (as well as busy with little NP's first birthday coming up this weekend). Maybe if you all prompt her? * wink wink nudge nudge *

"Wanna learn from the things that you put me through/ This one's for you"

Hooray!!!!

LA: Oh, man, I'm flying through it now. I'm on page 218

me: haha yay. well i hope that means its good

LA: and I'm MAKING myself stop because I HAVE to do laundry. it's awesome

me: YAY! thanks

LA: seriously, you HAVE to pursue getting this published. HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO

me: awwwwwww. you're nice. i like you

LA: well, i am nice, this is true. but even if i weren't, i'd tell you to go for it

Now some of you might just think, "Come on, it's her sister, of course she is going to say nice things about it" but my sister and I went into this agreeing that she was going to be honest with me even if she had not-nice-things to say because why would I want to make a fool of myself trying to get into the publishing world?

And I would also like to thank all the friends who have been extremely supportive. To the ones who say "You wrote a book! That's something less than .25 of the population can say they did" (NV) to "Cheers to your budding writing career" (TW) to "I'd really love to read your manuscript" (NE) , it really does mean a lot. Good thing I found a way to squeeze some characteristics/ quotes/ names of all of you in there. :)

"Make a scene/ Make a scream/ Like you're losing your mind/ And you'll always be next in line"

So while my sister is busy reading and telling me her thoughts (all good so far! And it's so funny cause I know this book backwards and forwards but no one else knows anything about it. And I know that's obvious but it's so nice to have someone to talk about it with now!) I've started working on my second idea. Too soon? Maybe. But I think it was my brother JP who asked if I had an idea for another book. And I realized... well... yes I do but it's definitely not as fleshed out as Square One was. So I've started working on it. Plus, I've heard about people who have gotten their second book published before their first and so maybe that could happen with this one!

I honestly don't even know how I came up with the idea. I just remember I was reading before going to bed one night and an idea popped into my head. So I scrambled to jot it down in a note on my iPhone and now I'm working on an outline. Well actually, I'm not even there yet. I'm trying to come up with characters first. Cause the characters in Square One were just givens: My family was my family. This girl is based on this person. This guy is a combination for this guy and that guy. In this new one.... I don't know who they are. Yet.

And it's funny cause I make little charts and profiles for each character to keep their facts and characteristics straight so I had a side-by-side list running down a page in my Idea Book about these two male characters. And it almost looked like I was making a pros/cons list about two guys. And this twenty-something year old guy saw me writing while he was waiting for his drink at Starbucks, I could tell he was standing over me and reading it. You can think I was imagining it but I pointedly starting flipping the cover open and shut as if I was fidgeting while thinking and I noticed it broke the guy's trance. Not cool, dude. Not cool. Just funny because he probably told his friend "That girl is in there making a list about which of two dudes to choose and is listing all their traits like that episode of Friends!" but that is not the case at all.

I'm excited about this idea though. It's definitely different from Square One. It is even sort of an homage to LOST Season 6 in ways (even though I came up with the idea before S6 started). There's a big stinking clue to all you LOST fans aka very cool people. And it's funny because with SO, the chunk of writing that I built everything around was the prologue. With this new one, it's actually a scene that will probably be towards the end. It's like I have these puzzle pieces of scenes that I am trying to fit together into one big picture. Just strange how the creative process works, cause I have no idea and I'm experiencing it (sort of... don't wanna brag).

"He is sensible and so incredible/ ... He says everything I need to hear/ And it's like I couldn't ask for anything better"

Want to know the two traits that Pride and Prejudice's Mr. Darcy, Sense and Sensibility's Edward Ferrars, Twilight's Edward Cullen, Something Borrowed's Dexter, and The Truth About Forever's Wes all have in common? 1) They are all perfect and 2) They were written by women. And the first reason is very much because of the second. You know why? Because women writers, as much as we try to "think" like boys, still ultimately write their male characters like the females (just with less pink and jewelry) and that's why they are seemingly perfect. They say and do the right thing and they make you cry happy tears at the lovely, loose- ends- all- tied- up- in- a- pretty- package conclusion. And it's because women are writing what they would want to hear, what they would want to happen as opposed to what would be more likely to happen in real life. I'm not saying happy endings aren't possible, I'm just saying the words and actions used to get there probably aren't as good as they are in literature.

The main guy in Square One is too good to be true in my opinion. And that's because he's not true, he's not real. I made him up, gave him some endearing characteristics and as much I tried to think like a guy for his dialogue and actions, I'm not a boy so I can't write that. Plus if I did try to write a boy, it would just be filled with grunts and mumbles and "I dunnos". And that's not a very good story (especially by someone like me where I really use dialogue and conversations as the main source of information).

But that's why we ladies love Darcy and Edward: They were written by Austen and Meyer and they had them say and do things that probably wouldn't happen in real life. It's just something I've realized as I reflect on the development and actions of my characters. And I'm not saying that a man can't write a good love story (e.g. Nicholas Sparks), it's just these "perfect romantic male leads in literature" have all been created and written by women.