'And I could a book/ The one they'll say that shook/ The world... and I could write it down or spread it all around"

27,251.

Does that number mean anything to you? It wouldn't to me either under normal circumstances. But as of right now, that's how many words there are in my book. Ha, my book. I feel lame saying that. And let me repeat: I fully expect nothing to come of this. But at the same time, absolutely nothing will ever happen if I don't ever try. And for some reason, some people believe in me (mom, sis, Miss K) so that makes me at least believe a little bit in myself so why not try?

So that being said, I have written 92 (double spaced) pages in Microsoft word. It's funny because I mainly work on it at Starbucks or Panera (I get too distract if I work on it in my house) and I'm drinking coffee and I'm there for a couple of hours so inevitably, I have to go to the restroom at some point. I usually ask a respectable looking person (usually one who is typing away on their own computer) to watch mine while I'm gone (for all of two minutes). But as the document gets longer and longer, I really contemplate taking my flash drive with me in the event that someone does steal it or if it gets knocked off the table by some hyperactive child. And fears about my laptop completely crashing have become more frequent. It is pretty old. Please hold on, Mac. I did just buy you a new battery and hard drive last summer. You can do it!

(Sidenote: I shouldn't write this cause my mom will kill me, but really, it's four years later, it never happened so it's okay. Much like writing this book, I wrote papers or studied at Starbucks/ JJs/ the SLC when I was still at UGA. I would be there for hours so yes, I would have to go to the restroom. Sometimes I would ask someone to watch my computer, sometimes I didn't. But I would always take my iPhone with me to the bathroom. I'd leave my computer (cause it would look silly dragging it along) and my iPod but never my cell phone. And then I noticed everyone does this. Even people who had non-smart phones (not to sound like a snob, just saying, they are not as expensive) will take theirs with them. That just shows how much we have come to depend on cell phones. Your laptop is a couple hundred bucks, nearing the thousand dollar mark, and has all of your music, photos, and documents on it and you take your phone. Just sort of funny. Sidenote to the sidenote: Do you ever worry that the very person you ask to watch your computer will be the very one to steal it? It really is the perfect crime. You sit in Starbucks or Panera and look like a nice, friendly, respectable human being, and wait for someone to ask you and once they are out of sight, you swipe it and sell it on eBay. Not saying I will ever resort to this or anything. Just makes me rush in the bathroom that much faster.)

Wow, I diverted so much that I just had to make that sidenote its own paragraph. Sorry! See I ramble. This is one of my main concerns when it comes to writing. I am trying not to ramble which almost makes me skip over and skim stuff even more. This just might get interesting is all I'm saying.

Oh yeah, I still won't tell anyone the plot of the book. I almost broke down and told my sister LA on the beach trip but alas she never asked so I never confessed (Way not to be pushy LA, especially if you purposely were trying not to be. But maybe you were just distracted by the fun and the sun. So close, yet so far). It's funny cause I really could care less about what people I don't know think about my idea. But my family, my friends, knowing, that kinda scares me. This book is my little creation, what if the people I love absolutely hate it? I know I am going to have to get over that but no one can read it until it's done.

That is what everyone asks (all ten people that know about it). "Can I read it?" My answer: "Well, um, uhhh, maybe. When it's done. Maybe. Don't hold me to it though!" I'll tell you this much: I essentially think of the book as being two acts. The second act is the part that I came up with six years ago. And while I am itching to start writing that part, I cannot write out of order. I can move stuff around somewhat once I write it (meaning switch a paragraph up or down a few spots so it makes more sense), but I have to go in order for the most part. So right now, I'm writing act one which is, in my opinion, the foundation and background for act two. I sort of feel like I am wasting my time since act two is completely etched in my brain but at the same time, since I have known the second act for so long, I am unintentionally and subconsciously dropping hints in the first act. So that's sort of awesome. Good job brain, didn't know you could do that. Granted they could be hints that only I get but maybe other people will too. Let's hope. But I'm about 3/4 of the way done with the first act. I think the second act will go faster but I am so particular about it, it might take even longer. So, who knows?

The fun part about writing: It's my book so I can do whatever I want. That being said, I've almost started to bribe people about it (I figure it's the best way to get future readers/buyers if it is ever published). My family knows about it but very few of my friends do, minus those who read this blog which I am willing to bet is all of two of them (Hi, friends!). And since I am still unemployed, everyone keeps asking me how the job hunt is going. I kind of mumble an answer about how I'm still looking and the economy is terrible. But I have discovered that guys will really press the issue and want an explanation as to what exactly I have planned for my life (... like I even know). So after a lot of vague answers and persistent questioning, I have confessed to three guy friends that I am in fact working on a book. The reaction has been pretty consistent: Surprised with some variation of, "Wow. I didn't know you had that in you. But that's pretty cool. Can I read it?" One boy is one of my best friends so I had thought all along that there would be some sort of character based on him. There is. I told him. He was psyched and had a great reaction. Awesome. Boost of confidence? You bet!

So I've learned this is a good tactic. The other two boys, both messaged me within a few days of mentioning it, one (jokingly) offering to edit and the other asking if he could read it before it was released to the general public. As a result, I've decided when you show support, you get name dropped. Well one of two things: I'll use your name somewhere in the book. It might just be a "oh so and so's friend, [fill in the blank] was at the party too" or you might get a random line or two of dialog (this is the case with friend VM. For now. He might get tossed a few more lines cause he's been way supportive). Boy who asked to read it, TW, got a character named after him and is going to have a way bigger story line than I initially thought. See, when you show support, big things can happen! Or option two: You get a character that is highly based on you. Formerly mentioned best guy friend, RY, has a character based on him but with a different name. Oh and if you're super supportive you can name the character based on you. This honor has only been bestowed upon my mother (since she is financially supporting me at this point in time) and my sister LA (she also encouraged this blog. So if you don't like it, you can take it up with her). So maybe this can be a little incentive not to laugh in my face when I say I am working on a book.

In relation to naming characters, it can be tough so feel free to donate some names. I have discovered I have some, let's call them issues, with name association:

1) I don't want to play favorites with my friends' names too much. "Oh I named that character after my friend I met junior year. But what about the friend I've known since high school, he/she might get offended". I know that's dumb reasoning but it worries me.

2) I struggle with the names of people, hm, how do I say this, that I don't especially care for. Like I could never name a character [this girl's name] because she dated the guy I liked senior year. Immature, sure. But at the same time, it's just like hearing a particular name and a face immediately coming to mind. I just don't want to glorify or literally put someone's name in black and white that I don't really want to... commemorate? honor? That sort of thing. Or it's like not wanting to name a character Angelina because who popped up in your head? Angelina Jolie. I would never. (Team Aniston!) Besides, I don't want you to picture some "reformed" goth girl, with an army of kids trailing behind her in third world countries. There are even "bad" characters in the book but that doesn't automatically mean that they get the name of the girl/ guy I didn't like in high school/college. Like they'd even read the book, but I'm not giving them any smug satisfaction. I've really over analyzed this but names can really make or break a character. So now do you understand my somewhat scattered logic?

3) I no longer have names for my future children, that is if I ever have any. I have used up the entire name bank at this point. And if this book ever gets published and if I ever have children, and said child one day asks me how I picked his/her name, I'll have to mumble some nonsense involving "Well honey, it's the name of the character in Mommy's book". It'd kind of be like how Gwyneth Paltrow named her son Moses after the song that Chris Martin wrote about her. A little self indulgent maybe?

So please, offer up some names you like. I don't think I'll be adding too many more, but a stockpile never hurts!

So yep, book writing is still going on. I finished chapter nine on Friday. It gave me some problems but ending up being the longest one yet. I say it "gave me some problems" but granted I did start actually looking for a job so that's cutting in on my writing time. I just feel like it took me a week or so instead of a day or two cause I wasn't writing consistently.

That being said, I might try to increase the amount that I write on here. If nothing else, my mom and sisters will be more so informed about the book cause I sorta clam up about the details when verbally asked. So... win for them? And you? Maybe?

P.S. In relation to the post's title: I totally do not think that is going to happen. I am not writing anything revolutionary here. As my brother JP so aptly put it, it's a "summertime read for the beach-going crowd". It also adds to the irony that only guy friends really know about it so far because it's completely not their cup of tea. Hence my scheme of naming characters after them. :)

"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt"

How to sum up trying to find a job in a single phrase: It sucks. If you want to feel like a worthless, invaluable, waste of space and life-- just try looking for a job and that will be accomplished faster than three clicks of your mouse.

And someone needs to improve this whole online process. I consider myself to be a somewhat intelligent human being and I went to a respectable university but I get stumped at some of the stuff on these career oriented websites. Considering all of them promote how "easy" it is, I have struggled trying to decide which of these predetermined areas, industries, and categories I fall into. I'm just saying, break it down a little more, please.

After a lot of hemming and hawing, yesterday I entered the rat race of trying to find a job. And I'm essentially feeling like the rat that broke her little paw getting out of the gate and I'm limping behind everyone else racing ahead of me with their interviews, briefcases, and smart business suits. Well, that might be giving me too much credit. I'm more like the rat that is cowering in the corner, crying and resisting the urge to call her mommy. I can't believe I compared myself to a nasty rodent not once, but twice. What is my life coming to? Nothing, that's what.

Now it's my own fault, I'll be the first one to admit it because I did very little to prepare myself for "the real world" in college. Especially considering I want to write or edit, you know, something that requires experience and skill. Well I lack those apparently. I didn't have an internship (Sidenote: I mainly blame this on my high school. I got lunch with my friend EC at the end of the summer and we talked about how our school did not prepare us at all for college or the real world. No one promoted internships, or work study programs, or anything of the sort. I didn't even know what an internship was until Lauren Conrad said she had one with a clothing company on the second season of Laguna Beach. At least that show can say they taught someone something new) and I didn't try to write for the Red and Black or Stillpoint or UGAzine. I respect the students who did and balanced school, more power to them. But after doing poorly in a math class my freshmen year, I spent the remainder of college desperately trying to bring my grades up so school became my main focus. My last four semesters of college I was either taking 18 hours (which you're not suppose to do. The cutoff is 17) or taking four english classes (along with an elective) at the same time. That being said, I had a bit of writing and reading to do for myself. Honestly, it became a joke. Anytime my friends called me, they would just ask me how Jittery Joe's was and how the paper was going because I was there every single day working. I know, I'm making excuses but really, consider them to more so be explanations (...of my current failures).

I've signed up for Monster, CareerBuilder, DAWGlink, and Idealist over the past two days. But it's the old chicken/egg situation: I need experience to get a job but I need a job to get experience. So..... how do I go about fixing this? Cause I searched internships for over an hour today and.... they don't want college graduates. They want underclassmen. And all of them are unpaid. I'm not even above an unpaid internship at this point, I just need something. And then you look for jobs (where there aren't a lot of postings for writers or editors just so you know) and there is always a catch. Well the catch is usually in the form of "must have at least two years of experience in [fill in the blank]" Well.... what do I do if I don't?

Back at the end of July when I went to talk to my Career Advisor, she told me to not look for just any old entry-level job like being a receptionist or administrative assistant. Oh no, no, no. She said that wouldn't further me in my area of interest. True, but is sitting here sifting through numerous websites and finding nothing furthering me? I don't think like it is. She told me to look for an internship. Thanks for that super advice (see previous paragraph).

And it's not like I'm giving up or saying that two days of searching obviously means I am never going to find anything (as much as it feels like that), I just think colleges should require students to take some sort of course about this sort of thing or be more understanding about balancing internships and coursework. Cause while I was wasting away writing my 36 english papers for my classes (give or take one or two), I certainly wasn't preparing myself for the future. Oh how I'm kicking myself in the butt over shooting myself in the foot now.

All I know is: I am unprepared, I want to cry, and I must be highly entertaining to my fellow patrons at Panera because I drop my head on my table, rub my eyes resisting the urge the cry, and scoff or act incredulous when another link doesn't work or leads me to another dead end, a couple times every hour. Oh also, don't be an english major unless you want to teach. Otherwise, you're screwed.

"With your ear to a seashell/ You can hear the waves in underwater caves/ As if you actually were inside a saltwater room"

In t-minus two hours the whole family (all sixteen of us- including seven girls under the age of seven) are departing for our annual family vacation in Destin, Florida. So in honor of family, I want to jot down a quote from my oldest niece, SD, the seven year old from earlier this week:

Background information: The room that the girls play in is upstairs in my mom's house. The adults spend the majority of their time downstairs. The girls always need stuff and going up and down the stairs got really old, really fast. It started off basically as a joke but then the nieces became obsessed with it, so tied to a banister post on the second floor balcony overlooking the downstairs living room is a bucket that the girls hoist up and down to get whatever the adult places in the bucket? Lazy? Sure. But the nieces are obsessed. Like they will run upstairs to get something only to bring it back downstairs but they will still lower it down in the bucket.

Unfortunately, the bucket's path is over half of one of the couches in the living room if you don't control the bucket and purposely swing it over to the side (oh yes, there is an art to the bucket). One time my niece ME threw the bucket over and it hit me on the head while I was sitting blissfully unaware on the couch. It hurt to say the least. So that bring us to the story.

Niece SD wanted a flashlight to look at books before she went to bed last Saturday night when she was staying over. I was sitting on the couch and asked her to be careful when she lowered the bucket because ME hit me in the head on accident one time and it really hurt. And little precious SD (she is only seven mind you) said, "Aunt Annie! I would never do that. I love you too much to hurt you." Let's all say it together: Awwwwwwww. Warmed my little cold heart.

Here to wishing for good weather, sunny skies, buckets used for their actual purpose of transporting water and building sandcastles and lots of fun on the beach trip!!!!

"It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep/ Cause everything is never as it seems"

Remember that Bernstein Bears book “The Bad Dream”? The one where Sister Bear has nightmares and Mama explains to her that at night, your brain is trying to piece together everything that happened during the day but the puzzle gets distorted and she has nightmares as a result of the puzzle being messed up? I’m one of those people where I can usually piece together dreams because of stuff that has happened over the past few days, just a bit more topsy turvy. It's pretty well known in my family that I have pretty insane (some say terrifying) dreams. And while I do not want to scare anyone with some of my more.... uh.... disturbing dreams... I will share the three types that I frequently have:

1. This one thankfully has lessened in frequency but I for many years I always use to dream that my teeth were falling out. My brother-in-law is a dentist so I would always be frantically trying to call him or get to his office so he could fix my broken mouth (formerly mentioned brother-in-law also informed me that dreams like this usually mean that you grind your teeth in your sleep). I would dream either that my teeth were just falling out on their own, one by one, or that they were extremely loose and lightly pushing on them would cause them to come out into my hand (where I would desperately be trying to hold onto them for the rest of the dream). It was always terrifying! But like I said, I don't have these as often anymore (so maybe that means I stopped grinding my teeth in my sleep).

2. This is one that has occurred more often in recent years: I dream that I am about to go somewhere on a trip and I realize at the last minute (such as the plane is boarding or the car is about to pull out of the driveway) that I haven't packed my bag at all or am still scrambling to pack. Or I have a bunch of stuff that I am trying to fit into a box to take with me, but I keep getting interrupted and the box never fills up. It is one of the simplest yet most frustrating dreams ever. All I want is to finish packing and yet I can’t. Another variation of the dream: I have the worst vision of anyone I know (go ahead, try and challenge me. I guarantee my vision is worse. This is one contest I have never lost) so sometimes I dream that my contacts aren’t in and I am struggling to see whatever I am trying to pack which is only two inches in front of my face. Bottom line: This dream is frustrating and I am sick of having them yet I had one just last night so they clearly aren’t leaving anywhere anytime soon.

3. This one is actually the worst of the three and ever since graduating from college I have had some form of it at least three times a week. In the dream I am back in high school and I guess I am visiting or something. but then I run into an administrator who informs me that “Oh no Annie, you never really got credit for your Economics class in high school so I guess your college degree is now null and void. Gotta start all over! See you next semester!” I had a different version after graduating from high school where it was a new law that you had to go back and redo middle and high school and try to improve your grades the second time around. So maybe this new post-college one is sort of along those lines. But my goodness, I wake up thinking that I have to go back to high school (horrible thought all by itself) and do it all over again and go back to college and retake 150+ hours of classes (maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing ever. Being broke blows).

Point being, considering sleep is suppose to be a time of rest and rejuvenation all of these dreams aren’t really aiding in that. No wonder I’m always so exhausted.

"I just want you to know/ That I've been fighting to let you go"

Alright, so. For the past couple of weeks I have been working on my book. I know, I know. Who am I to write a book? Good question. I really don't know. But I'll never know if I don't find out. No one else is going to write my idea down for me. So might as well give it shot.

So that being said, writing a novel is amazingly difficult. And my number one problem is repetition. I never realized before how many times I used the word "just" when writing. And it is ironic because it is a word I was taught to never use. In my high school AP English class, Mr. B (also my favorite teacher in H.S. and one of the two most influential teachers of my life) required weekly in-class essays on whatever literary work we were reading at the time (Middlemarch, David Copperfield, Invisible Man, and lots of Shakespeare comes to mind). There were several rules that we were required to follow or points would be deducted from our grade. These are rules I still used when writing papers in college (come on sisters, let's see if these jog your memory or if you can add any):

1. Always use the author's name, the title of the work, and the genre (novel, play, etc) in the opening sentence (or at the very least, your first paragraph) of your paper

2. You never used the words really, a lot, just, there or very in your paper.

Like I said, I still used these rules when I wrote papers in college. Every single one. The first rule was easy to follow (and a good way not to stress over how to start a paper) but the second rule always tripped me up. "There" and "just" always got me. I swear, I would even reread my essay before handing it in and one of those two words was always tucked away somewhere. "Very" used to give me problems too, but I learned to replace it with "extremely". I tried to replace "just" with "simply" but sometimes I forgot. Hey, I'm not perfect.

But that was academic writing, fictional writing is totally different, right? I mean you have to use "there" and "very" when you're writing a novel. But "just" is still the word that just (see?)... bothers me. I use it entirely too much and I don't know why. I'm trying to eliminate it from whatever sentence I'm writing and see if it still makes sense. But I'm struggling. Great, now I feel like "just" is the secret word of the day and I am extremely aware of it. Pee Wee Herman is going to start jumping out and screaming whenever I type it. Sometimes simply just doesn't cut it. Okay that was sort of on purpose, but see-- eliminate "just" from that short sentence and it's not as good!

Oh and another fun story: Due to the fact I typed at least 40+ papers on this laptop throughout the course of my college career, my name is deeply entrenched in my Microsoft Word's memory. So, that being said, you know how if you start to type "Nov", Word will automatically suggest "November" or if you type "Mon" it suggests "Monday" (you know, to save you the hard task of hitting four more keys). Now whenever I start to type annoy or any of its derivatives, the suggested word is "Annie". I am beginning to think I should read more into this. Well, at the very least, it makes me sad. Like my computer is trying to tell me something. Don't hate me Mac. I've been so good to you all these years.