"Who says I can't be free/ From all of the things that I used to be/ Rewrite my history/ Who says I can't be free"

Observations/Thoughts while writing at Starbucks:

(This had to be posted afterwards since SB doesn't offer free wi-fi. I'm pretty sure it's because if they did, they would be able to take over the world. But I just jotted stuff down in a Word document and transfered it so it's still legit)

-Starbucks is so wonderful on a rainy day. I usually like to write outside and take advantage of the last few days of nice temperatures (even though, who knows with this climate? I remember wearing a dress, flip flops, and only a light sweater a few days before Christmas last year) but sitting inside sometimes can be nice.

-Starbucks only has one outlet. ONE. Well technically there is another one (you know, one with FOUR plugs) over near the merchandise but there isn't a table near that one. Smart design plan there Starbucks. And the outlet is currently being used by a man. That's fine, I can wait my turn. That or I will be leaving in hour when my battery runs out. Let's hope it's the former.

-Alright, this isn't okay, the man isn't even using his computer (it's closed) and he is sorting out change. Seriously?

-Sweet! The man left and I grabbed the table. The outlet is mine, all mine. But see I still have guilty conscience and anytime a person who has a laptop comes in, I feel guilty. Why? I should be able to use it just as much as any other person but I still feel bad using it. Starbucks should just spring for a surge protector so five people can use it at once. You make millions, you can afford a $15 surge protector.

-There are two men sitting near me who look like my Uncle S. And no, they do not appear to be related.

-One of the guys is shaking hands with like every person that walks in here. He is also sitting in a group of four or five people. Is this some local celebrity I don't know about? Some politician or something? And I've seen him here before. I need to crack this case.

-I don't understand why restaurants can't adjust the temperature inside according to the temperature outside. It's raining, that equals a bit colder. Let's not have the AC blasting. I'm even wearing a long sleeved shirt (I anticipate the cold) and I am still cold. It is October after all.

-Oh! A guy just walked in who is a shorter version of Stephen Merchant. It's all in the glasses. And something about the hair too. Maybe a knock off Ricky Gervais will be meeting him here! That would be totally awesome.

-No such luck on the Ricky lookalike. Bummer. I would have had to take a picture or something though if that had happened.

-Words I use too much: Just (still), Sort of, and Kind of. Apparently my characters are meek. They need to be definite.

-How is it the thesaurus can generate a list of words but it can't differentiate between the different variations? Always such false hope (well momentarily) when I click on "tendencies" only to have to it suggest "tendency". Can't you just add "s"s to all of the other suggestions for tendency, Microsoft Word and save me a couple of mouse clicks?

-Aw. I asked a nice old man to watch my computer and when I came back he said "I never took my eyes off of it" and I almost believe him because he was turned at a weird angle in his chair. So nice. We need more people like him in this world.

-OH! A guy just walked in who looks like Charles Kelley from Lady Antebellum (country band for those who don't know).

-Well now he just looks like one of the TA from my entomology class last semester.

-Clearly, I like playing the "doesn't he look like...." game.

-Loud people are obnoxious. There is a group of three people sitting here being so loud it is actually ridiculous. Like if they leave before me, I will gladly start a slow clap as they walk out the door because other people have to be annoyed too.

-They are BURSTING into laughter on average, every 45 seconds.

-Oh great, now the most obnoxious lady has begun clapping along with her boisterous laugh every thirteen seconds.

-This is what I don't understand about loud people: Is it because you are not self aware? Or is it because you want everyone in a fifty foot radius to know just how much fun you are having and how cool you and your friends are? Cause I remember reading in a magazine (seriously, it was probably Teen or Teen People or something involving the word "Teen") that if you want other people to be interested you should talk quietly in such public settings. For example if the guy you like is sitting nearby, don't throw your head back in exaggerated laughter every five seconds and screech and yell. People don't like the obvious. People like to eavesdrop. So if you are being quiet, they are like "Oh I can eavesdrop on what these interesting looking people are saying". When you are loud, people stop caring and just want you to SHUT UP!

-I don't think I can adequately describe just how loud these people are being. I keep wanting to turn up my iPod but the loud iPod in conjunction with how loud they are being, is hurting my ears. Plus, my sister MR just went to the doctor and apparently has "some slight hearing loss" due to her days of rocking out at concerts and listening to her iPod. I've listened to mine practically every day for the last four years so I am screwed. So now I am terrified of having the music too loud.

-One of the women is pregnant, I mean extremely pregnant. And she has a Victoria Secret bag sitting next to her. Seriously? What could you possibly have in there? On second thought, I don't want to guess.

-I have now noticed that the place has cleared out because of these people. THAT'S how loud they are being. I can leave whenever I want, I just feel sorry for the workers who have to be here because these people look pretty comfy.

-Aw Mike-Or-James isn't here today. Who is Mike-or-James you ask? Well, I frequent this Starbucks quite a bit. And there is one guy who works here (I actually think he is the manager) and I see him frequently. It's gotten to the face recognition point and we make small talk. Well I actually think he thinks I am someone else because this is the conversation we had a few weeks ago.

MoJ: Hey, how's it going? So do you have lots of schoolwork to do today?

Me: Well, actually I graduated from UGA in May. I'm trying to find a job now.

MoJ: Wow! Really? I can't believe you've already graduated! That's crazy.

Me: ..... Yeah, I know.

I'm really thinking, oooookay. Cause I've only lived here for a year so you've only known me for a year and the majority of that year I was in Athens so it's not like he's known me for a year let alone not during the four years I actually was in school. *gasps for air* That was a run on sentence. I'm just saying, I think he thinks I'm someone else.

-Plus I don't even know his name. I just call him Mike-or-James in my head because, well, he looks like a Mike or a James to me.

-But Mike-Or-James will occasionally upgrade my drink for free so if he thinks I'm someone else, I will continue to play along in this little game.

-Listening to songs from Glee. I just love that show. I'm excited for tonight's episode. And Matthew Morrison is my new crush. He is adorable. And the boy can sing! Gold Digger anyone? Not me, his version of the song. Though I bet he is making serious bank off of that show now.

-I heard they are thinking about doing a musical tour when it ends this summer. My birthday IS in May, just for future reference.

-My new fear about my computer is that the keyboard is going to break. I don't know, something about the keys just feels... off. Please don't break. I'm going to tell myself that I am having irrational fears as my life work continues to grow longer and longer on this computer.

-Ew. I just glanced out the window and there is a HUGE spider in a very intricately woven web outside. It's like a real live Halloween decoration. And it completely grosses me out.

-Okay chapter ten is done, the people are beyond obnoxious now, and the spider is seriously creeping me out. Time to call it a day.

"Now look at you kicking off your shoes/ Dancing for the world to see"

This girl is currently my inspiration (well and I sort of hate her for accomplishing everything I want to do). She graduated from UGA two years before me and at the moment: 1) Her first novel is in stores, 2) The second is coming out in June 2010, 3) She is currently in the final stages of editing her third and she is also 4) Writing her fourth novel. That's insane! She's 25 and she has four books. But at the same time, it gives me hope that hey, what I want to accomplish is possible and not entirely farfetched. So that's a good motivational tool, right?

I started working on chapter ten today. I got a little flustered cause it was one of the first chapters where I didn't know exactly what it was going to be about. I'm also starting to worry that the whole purpose of the book, which is driving everything that happens, I'm not explaining and describing well enough. And that's, you know, just a tad bit of a problem. It's mainly because I so badly do not want to ramble like I know I tend to (I'm sure you're thinking: What, Annie rambles? No, not possible. I had no idea) so I'm trying to keep everything clear and concise. But at the same time, I'm not sure how much character development is going on. I'm writing it in the first person so I can only give insight into what my main character is thinking. Trust me, I don't want to give insight into any other characters (the main and secondary character count is up to about 18 or 20. And that doesn't count name dropping. These are people who have substantial dialogue). But it's hard to balance how much I want my character to think, describe, and evaluate AND how much I want her to converse with other characters. See, I'm trying so hard not to ramble that I've gone heavy on the dialogue. Oy vey.

But at the same time, even though I am editing as I'm writing, this is still essentially a first draft. So I don't need to panic too much at this point in the process. At least that is what I am telling myself so that I don't abandon the project all together.

Oh and thanks to everyone who reads this nonsense and especially those who had complimentary things to say! HW and TW, you two were name dropped in the book today. :) Just knowing that people who aren't related to me by blood also like this blog and what I am writing about (and therefore my writing style) is definitely motivating and inspiring! So thank you, thank you, thank you.

"Okay part two/ Now clear the house"

Random observations/thoughts while job hunting at Panera:

-I got an outlet spot: Prime real estate. I've determined there are four outlets in Panera. Three near the front and one near the back. I feel bad hogging it the whole time but my battery seriously lasts for an hour (even on the better energy savings setting). I know I'm gonna be here for while so I gotta snag it while I can.

-A guy just sat down at the table across from my table. We are facing each other due to the positioning of our laptops. I anticipate lots of accidental eye contact will ensue since we are all of two yards apart (He is cute so I don't mind too much).

-Eye Contact Final Count: 2

-Since said boy was cute and he may have been the guy that I asked to watch my computer last week, I tried really hard to stare solely at my screen. Too bad, I thought that game would be more fun. Next time, next time.

-The lady sitting near me is reading Jodi Picoult's latest book "Handle With Care". I'm a big fan of the Jod-ster but that book was a disappointment. It was like "My Sister's Keeper" but... not as good. I almost want to ask her if she has read other books by Picoult and if she's enjoying this one.

-I asked her to watch my computer while I went to the restroom and almost asked her if she was liking the book when I came back after saying thanks but I chickened out. I don't want her to think I'm weird.

-I'm listening to my "Recently Added" playlist on my iPod. This includes the latest album from The Avett Brothers (I love it. Or should I say I and love and it? hahaha), the new single from OneRepublic, and lots of songs from the show Glee. The playlist has truly become the highlight of the job search. At least if I am about to cry I can bop my head along with the mashup of Halo and Walking on Sunshine from the Glee girls.

-I always have Gmail opened in another tab or window. At the moment, the three contacts/ friends that are "active" (green light) form AT&T when you glance down at the first letters of their names. I enjoy this.

(Sidenote: I always want the lights to form a stoplight looking pattern (Red, yellow, green). I always think I am about to discover a way that yes, it will work if I make myself "Busy" and therefore red, but because they always bump "idle/yellow" people to the bottom, it will never happen. Simple concept right? Well I always somehow trick myself into thinking "Yes, it can work!" and I get so excited but then I quickly remember that no, it's not possible because of aforementioned "green will always be above yellow" issue and I get sad.)

-I think I broke Monster.com. Every time I try to enter my email and password it says there is an error. I thought maybe I forgot my password so I tried to change it. Monster.com did not enjoy this. I'll give you a little break Monster and come back tomorrow.

-I am liking this LinkedIn website. Probably because it doesn't involve any actual job searching immediately, just making connections and filling out your profile. But like I said in the previous Job Post Rant Post, this is a website that actually breaks it down into nice categories. Industry: "Writing and Editing". YES. Simple right? But seriously none of the other websites have that as an option. Thank you LinkedIn, thank you. Also thank you to those who have already linked me. Majority are family members or family members of said family members. But thanks nonetheless. :)

-Picoult Lady is gone. And now sitting in her seat is a guy who walked in and I thought I recognized him from orientation freshmen year. So while pondering if it was in fact "Matt G-something" I accidentally made eye contact and after he got his food and sat down at the table right near me even though the restaurant is essentially empty. Sorry guy, false recognition. It wasn't a come hither look. Enjoy your bread bowl!

-iTunes receipts are always such a letdown. "Oh I have a new email! From a potential employer? New family pictures? Athens Blur Newsletter? Another person Linking me?! Oh... no. Just Apple letting me know I paid them $1.29 for the Glee song I purchased last week."

-Question: Can you get refills of coffee at Panera? I saw one guy doing it and my cup is low. But that's not very fair cause then wouldn't every one just get the small cup and keep filling it up and save .60 cents instead of getting the huge cup? This logic has prevented me from trying.

-So on LinkedIn, it will tell you how much progress you've made in filling out your profile. It also tells you the percentage you will get if you do something, like adding a picture. I wanted to get a bigger percentage so I was perusing my iPhoto library and family members' picasa websites to find a decent one. Right as I was flipping through "Annie's Graduation" on my sister's picasa account, the Panera girl asked if I needed anything and had clearly been standing by my table for a couple of seconds (iPod is on so I am unaware). She saw me flip through like ten pictures of myself, she probably thinks I'm really vain: sitting in Panera and flipping through pictures of myself. It's so I can find a job! I swear!

-It is freaking cold in Panera. I swear I am always sitting directly under a vent no matter where I sit in the restaurant. Aggravating.

-I'm predicting back problems in my future. I'm always hunched over my computer these days either writing or searching these career websites. My back is burning. Maybe that's reason enough to call it a day.

-I have also learned blogging while job searching makes it immensely more fun. I shall keep this in mind for future excursions. Like tomorrow....

'And I could a book/ The one they'll say that shook/ The world... and I could write it down or spread it all around"

27,251.

Does that number mean anything to you? It wouldn't to me either under normal circumstances. But as of right now, that's how many words there are in my book. Ha, my book. I feel lame saying that. And let me repeat: I fully expect nothing to come of this. But at the same time, absolutely nothing will ever happen if I don't ever try. And for some reason, some people believe in me (mom, sis, Miss K) so that makes me at least believe a little bit in myself so why not try?

So that being said, I have written 92 (double spaced) pages in Microsoft word. It's funny because I mainly work on it at Starbucks or Panera (I get too distract if I work on it in my house) and I'm drinking coffee and I'm there for a couple of hours so inevitably, I have to go to the restroom at some point. I usually ask a respectable looking person (usually one who is typing away on their own computer) to watch mine while I'm gone (for all of two minutes). But as the document gets longer and longer, I really contemplate taking my flash drive with me in the event that someone does steal it or if it gets knocked off the table by some hyperactive child. And fears about my laptop completely crashing have become more frequent. It is pretty old. Please hold on, Mac. I did just buy you a new battery and hard drive last summer. You can do it!

(Sidenote: I shouldn't write this cause my mom will kill me, but really, it's four years later, it never happened so it's okay. Much like writing this book, I wrote papers or studied at Starbucks/ JJs/ the SLC when I was still at UGA. I would be there for hours so yes, I would have to go to the restroom. Sometimes I would ask someone to watch my computer, sometimes I didn't. But I would always take my iPhone with me to the bathroom. I'd leave my computer (cause it would look silly dragging it along) and my iPod but never my cell phone. And then I noticed everyone does this. Even people who had non-smart phones (not to sound like a snob, just saying, they are not as expensive) will take theirs with them. That just shows how much we have come to depend on cell phones. Your laptop is a couple hundred bucks, nearing the thousand dollar mark, and has all of your music, photos, and documents on it and you take your phone. Just sort of funny. Sidenote to the sidenote: Do you ever worry that the very person you ask to watch your computer will be the very one to steal it? It really is the perfect crime. You sit in Starbucks or Panera and look like a nice, friendly, respectable human being, and wait for someone to ask you and once they are out of sight, you swipe it and sell it on eBay. Not saying I will ever resort to this or anything. Just makes me rush in the bathroom that much faster.)

Wow, I diverted so much that I just had to make that sidenote its own paragraph. Sorry! See I ramble. This is one of my main concerns when it comes to writing. I am trying not to ramble which almost makes me skip over and skim stuff even more. This just might get interesting is all I'm saying.

Oh yeah, I still won't tell anyone the plot of the book. I almost broke down and told my sister LA on the beach trip but alas she never asked so I never confessed (Way not to be pushy LA, especially if you purposely were trying not to be. But maybe you were just distracted by the fun and the sun. So close, yet so far). It's funny cause I really could care less about what people I don't know think about my idea. But my family, my friends, knowing, that kinda scares me. This book is my little creation, what if the people I love absolutely hate it? I know I am going to have to get over that but no one can read it until it's done.

That is what everyone asks (all ten people that know about it). "Can I read it?" My answer: "Well, um, uhhh, maybe. When it's done. Maybe. Don't hold me to it though!" I'll tell you this much: I essentially think of the book as being two acts. The second act is the part that I came up with six years ago. And while I am itching to start writing that part, I cannot write out of order. I can move stuff around somewhat once I write it (meaning switch a paragraph up or down a few spots so it makes more sense), but I have to go in order for the most part. So right now, I'm writing act one which is, in my opinion, the foundation and background for act two. I sort of feel like I am wasting my time since act two is completely etched in my brain but at the same time, since I have known the second act for so long, I am unintentionally and subconsciously dropping hints in the first act. So that's sort of awesome. Good job brain, didn't know you could do that. Granted they could be hints that only I get but maybe other people will too. Let's hope. But I'm about 3/4 of the way done with the first act. I think the second act will go faster but I am so particular about it, it might take even longer. So, who knows?

The fun part about writing: It's my book so I can do whatever I want. That being said, I've almost started to bribe people about it (I figure it's the best way to get future readers/buyers if it is ever published). My family knows about it but very few of my friends do, minus those who read this blog which I am willing to bet is all of two of them (Hi, friends!). And since I am still unemployed, everyone keeps asking me how the job hunt is going. I kind of mumble an answer about how I'm still looking and the economy is terrible. But I have discovered that guys will really press the issue and want an explanation as to what exactly I have planned for my life (... like I even know). So after a lot of vague answers and persistent questioning, I have confessed to three guy friends that I am in fact working on a book. The reaction has been pretty consistent: Surprised with some variation of, "Wow. I didn't know you had that in you. But that's pretty cool. Can I read it?" One boy is one of my best friends so I had thought all along that there would be some sort of character based on him. There is. I told him. He was psyched and had a great reaction. Awesome. Boost of confidence? You bet!

So I've learned this is a good tactic. The other two boys, both messaged me within a few days of mentioning it, one (jokingly) offering to edit and the other asking if he could read it before it was released to the general public. As a result, I've decided when you show support, you get name dropped. Well one of two things: I'll use your name somewhere in the book. It might just be a "oh so and so's friend, [fill in the blank] was at the party too" or you might get a random line or two of dialog (this is the case with friend VM. For now. He might get tossed a few more lines cause he's been way supportive). Boy who asked to read it, TW, got a character named after him and is going to have a way bigger story line than I initially thought. See, when you show support, big things can happen! Or option two: You get a character that is highly based on you. Formerly mentioned best guy friend, RY, has a character based on him but with a different name. Oh and if you're super supportive you can name the character based on you. This honor has only been bestowed upon my mother (since she is financially supporting me at this point in time) and my sister LA (she also encouraged this blog. So if you don't like it, you can take it up with her). So maybe this can be a little incentive not to laugh in my face when I say I am working on a book.

In relation to naming characters, it can be tough so feel free to donate some names. I have discovered I have some, let's call them issues, with name association:

1) I don't want to play favorites with my friends' names too much. "Oh I named that character after my friend I met junior year. But what about the friend I've known since high school, he/she might get offended". I know that's dumb reasoning but it worries me.

2) I struggle with the names of people, hm, how do I say this, that I don't especially care for. Like I could never name a character [this girl's name] because she dated the guy I liked senior year. Immature, sure. But at the same time, it's just like hearing a particular name and a face immediately coming to mind. I just don't want to glorify or literally put someone's name in black and white that I don't really want to... commemorate? honor? That sort of thing. Or it's like not wanting to name a character Angelina because who popped up in your head? Angelina Jolie. I would never. (Team Aniston!) Besides, I don't want you to picture some "reformed" goth girl, with an army of kids trailing behind her in third world countries. There are even "bad" characters in the book but that doesn't automatically mean that they get the name of the girl/ guy I didn't like in high school/college. Like they'd even read the book, but I'm not giving them any smug satisfaction. I've really over analyzed this but names can really make or break a character. So now do you understand my somewhat scattered logic?

3) I no longer have names for my future children, that is if I ever have any. I have used up the entire name bank at this point. And if this book ever gets published and if I ever have children, and said child one day asks me how I picked his/her name, I'll have to mumble some nonsense involving "Well honey, it's the name of the character in Mommy's book". It'd kind of be like how Gwyneth Paltrow named her son Moses after the song that Chris Martin wrote about her. A little self indulgent maybe?

So please, offer up some names you like. I don't think I'll be adding too many more, but a stockpile never hurts!

So yep, book writing is still going on. I finished chapter nine on Friday. It gave me some problems but ending up being the longest one yet. I say it "gave me some problems" but granted I did start actually looking for a job so that's cutting in on my writing time. I just feel like it took me a week or so instead of a day or two cause I wasn't writing consistently.

That being said, I might try to increase the amount that I write on here. If nothing else, my mom and sisters will be more so informed about the book cause I sorta clam up about the details when verbally asked. So... win for them? And you? Maybe?

P.S. In relation to the post's title: I totally do not think that is going to happen. I am not writing anything revolutionary here. As my brother JP so aptly put it, it's a "summertime read for the beach-going crowd". It also adds to the irony that only guy friends really know about it so far because it's completely not their cup of tea. Hence my scheme of naming characters after them. :)

"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt"

How to sum up trying to find a job in a single phrase: It sucks. If you want to feel like a worthless, invaluable, waste of space and life-- just try looking for a job and that will be accomplished faster than three clicks of your mouse.

And someone needs to improve this whole online process. I consider myself to be a somewhat intelligent human being and I went to a respectable university but I get stumped at some of the stuff on these career oriented websites. Considering all of them promote how "easy" it is, I have struggled trying to decide which of these predetermined areas, industries, and categories I fall into. I'm just saying, break it down a little more, please.

After a lot of hemming and hawing, yesterday I entered the rat race of trying to find a job. And I'm essentially feeling like the rat that broke her little paw getting out of the gate and I'm limping behind everyone else racing ahead of me with their interviews, briefcases, and smart business suits. Well, that might be giving me too much credit. I'm more like the rat that is cowering in the corner, crying and resisting the urge to call her mommy. I can't believe I compared myself to a nasty rodent not once, but twice. What is my life coming to? Nothing, that's what.

Now it's my own fault, I'll be the first one to admit it because I did very little to prepare myself for "the real world" in college. Especially considering I want to write or edit, you know, something that requires experience and skill. Well I lack those apparently. I didn't have an internship (Sidenote: I mainly blame this on my high school. I got lunch with my friend EC at the end of the summer and we talked about how our school did not prepare us at all for college or the real world. No one promoted internships, or work study programs, or anything of the sort. I didn't even know what an internship was until Lauren Conrad said she had one with a clothing company on the second season of Laguna Beach. At least that show can say they taught someone something new) and I didn't try to write for the Red and Black or Stillpoint or UGAzine. I respect the students who did and balanced school, more power to them. But after doing poorly in a math class my freshmen year, I spent the remainder of college desperately trying to bring my grades up so school became my main focus. My last four semesters of college I was either taking 18 hours (which you're not suppose to do. The cutoff is 17) or taking four english classes (along with an elective) at the same time. That being said, I had a bit of writing and reading to do for myself. Honestly, it became a joke. Anytime my friends called me, they would just ask me how Jittery Joe's was and how the paper was going because I was there every single day working. I know, I'm making excuses but really, consider them to more so be explanations (...of my current failures).

I've signed up for Monster, CareerBuilder, DAWGlink, and Idealist over the past two days. But it's the old chicken/egg situation: I need experience to get a job but I need a job to get experience. So..... how do I go about fixing this? Cause I searched internships for over an hour today and.... they don't want college graduates. They want underclassmen. And all of them are unpaid. I'm not even above an unpaid internship at this point, I just need something. And then you look for jobs (where there aren't a lot of postings for writers or editors just so you know) and there is always a catch. Well the catch is usually in the form of "must have at least two years of experience in [fill in the blank]" Well.... what do I do if I don't?

Back at the end of July when I went to talk to my Career Advisor, she told me to not look for just any old entry-level job like being a receptionist or administrative assistant. Oh no, no, no. She said that wouldn't further me in my area of interest. True, but is sitting here sifting through numerous websites and finding nothing furthering me? I don't think like it is. She told me to look for an internship. Thanks for that super advice (see previous paragraph).

And it's not like I'm giving up or saying that two days of searching obviously means I am never going to find anything (as much as it feels like that), I just think colleges should require students to take some sort of course about this sort of thing or be more understanding about balancing internships and coursework. Cause while I was wasting away writing my 36 english papers for my classes (give or take one or two), I certainly wasn't preparing myself for the future. Oh how I'm kicking myself in the butt over shooting myself in the foot now.

All I know is: I am unprepared, I want to cry, and I must be highly entertaining to my fellow patrons at Panera because I drop my head on my table, rub my eyes resisting the urge the cry, and scoff or act incredulous when another link doesn't work or leads me to another dead end, a couple times every hour. Oh also, don't be an english major unless you want to teach. Otherwise, you're screwed.