"It must have been the way/ Today was a fairytale"

I finally saw the movie 500 Days of Summer this weekend since I sat on my couch recovering for 48+ hours (I also watched the Teen Mom Marathon, the episodes of Jersey Shore I had missed, Superbad, the SAG awards, and most of The Pregnancy Pact, Lifetime's finest original movie. Productivity at its finest people). I liked it. It was good. But I mean you know all along it's not a love story; that it's most likely not going to end well. I like Joseph Gordon-Levitt (he's come a long way since his days of luscious locks on 3rd Rock from the Sun) and I find Zooey Deschanel strangely enchanting. So I sort of loved/hated her character. All in all, a good movie. But the scene that stuck out most to me, the one where I jolted up in my seat and was like "They get it!" was the brilliant Expectations vs. Reality scene. (PS Don't watch past the 2:30 mark if you don't want a spoiler!)

500 days of Summer - Expectations vs Reality from G. on Vimeo.

Amazing! Because this is how I think I view writing the book: Expectations vs. Reality. Allow me to explain:

My brother asked me over Christmas if anything funny or interesting happens to me, whether or not that means it automatically ends up in the book. My reply: Sort of. I don't know if this is a trait common in all people that want to write, but I think we are always kind of writing our own story. And maybe that means we are a little delusional. After all, we all have a very impossible feat in mind: to get published one day. But by writing our own story, I mean having an overactive imagination. Like something can happen, or something can be about to happen, and I can bend and twist and imagine something in my head as to how I want it to play out. Does it ever actual happen? Rarely. It's sort of like I have the figurines to my old doll house (that I spent HOURS playing with and that is probably still my favorite Christmas gift I have ever received) and I am making them act out my story. Just like how I have used my friends names and some of my friends and family members have highly influenced characters but I am weaving it all together.

Sort of like a quilt! Well this thing happened to me junior year of high school but I can alter and shape it for this character at this point in time and it's all brand new. Does that make sense? I'm streaming together all of these events and instances and people in my life into this story. Now does that mean that I am writing a biography? No way. Am I borrowing scenes from my life that I've actually experienced but changed outcomes for the better and in some cases, the worst? Yep. Do I have snippets of conversations that I've had with people that have had an impact on me? You bet! Do some of the scenes play straight out of my life like it was movie? Unfortunately yes. I think I have lost so many potential readers after today's posts. Sad. Oh well, moving on...

See sometimes I read through what I've written and I'm think, "Wow people are going to think I have no imagination. I just borrowed from real life SO much" but in reality, it was the idealized or wanted version of reality. My expectations of reality before I knew what reality held. Is this making any sense? Probably not. Just like the book.

All in all, yes some of the stuff I am writing has actually happened, some I wished had happened, and others hadn't. But at the same time I obviously know myself better than anyone else so I know what's real and what is made up. The only risk I run is my family truly knowing some of the stuff. But I'll lay it out right here right now: Since all of the family characters are based on the real people, there is little imagination there in certain aspects. The appearance, character traits, and professions are mostly the same. I mean the way I look at it, I could write what I know or I could write the opposite. But what's the point of doing the opposite? I'm already keeping track of these 10+ characters (sometimes even accidentally putting the "real" name instead of the "character" name. whoops!) so keeping with an alternate reality would just be too hard. Sister AE is named Sutton in the book. Her profession should be.... a doctor? no. a CEO? no. .... uh.... a teacher? Like she is in real life? Cause that's just a part of who she is. So I'm keeping it simple. But at the same time, random people don't know my family. Heck, I don't think my friends could name all my siblings and nieces. So I don't think I run the risk of it being too obvious. Well, minus the fact I just admitted it.

Plus, I've found when you read the About the Author section when it is their first novel, you see a lot of parallels. One of the funniest books I have ever read is Notes from the Underbelly by Risa Green. The book is about a woman named Lara (kind of close to Risa) and she is a former lawyer who is now a guidance counselor at a private prep school. Even though she hasn't always wanted kids, once her husband gets bitten by the baby bug, she is fully on board and wouldn't you know it? She gets pregnant even though she has no idea about becoming a mother and you get to laugh along with her/ at her baby blunders and mistakes. Now if you read the about the author: Risa is a former lawyer, now guidance counselor who is now experiencing being a mother for the first time with her husband. She admits a lot of what her character did and said are things she did and the misconceptions she had about pregnancy and having children. I'm just saying, I think this Expectations/Reality thing is more common than people think. Especially with authors. Particularly first-time authors.

Oh and another thing. People might have thought my whole "naming characters after people I know" was weird BUT I cannot tell you how many times I have read the acknowledgments and then lo and behold, there are characters with the same name! Shocking! I mean I don't know JK Rowling personally. How do I know she doesn't have a best friend named Harry? Or she doesn't know twins named Fred and George. Maybe her mean old uncle was named Vernon. Or she had a favorite professor named Lupin. You just never know! And look at Nicholas Sparks: almost all of his main characters are named after his children. And I think that's a pretty sweet deal for them.

So I'm just saying, all of these things I feel somewhat embarrassed about, I'd like to think are more common than I originally thought! Whew!

And finally, since I am in such an honest mood today. There are five things that have highly influenced my life and are major players in the book:

1. My family.

2. My friends.

3. _____ _____.

4. ___ ____ ______.

5. __ _____.

Oh you didn't think I was just going to give everything away did you? I'm not that brave! At least not yet. Maybe one day. Guess you'll just have to keep reading. :)

"I need someone to understand/ Can you hear me/ I'm lost in my thoughts"

I've already admitted that I was the atypical English major in college. In fact I didn't enjoy the majority of my assigned reading. Moby Dick? No thanks. The Last of the Mohicans? I barely got to page 60 before complete boredom set in. I'll admit I liked Sense and Sensibility and enjoyed the plays I read in my Modern Drama class (or really any class I took with Dr. Vance) but that was pretty much it. So since this whole "you're writing a book?!" thing continues to come up in random conversations (which makes me immensely embarrassed and uncomfortable. Just for the record.) I am getting asked more and more frequently who my favorite writers are and what my book is going to be like. So, this post is going to have two answers in one. I'm like the final season of Lost, I'm giving you some answers!

I realized a few months ago that my "book" was probably going to be aimed at young adults (or YA as it is called in the biz). I've always liked to read books about people who around my age. I can relate, I know what they are going through, I understand how they think and process events and information. So even right now at the ripe age of 22, I wouldn't mind reading a book about a 16 year old (see Harry Potter and Twilight) or characters who are older but I can still relate to. I don't mind reading about characters getting married or having kids but getting divorced or dealing with a midlife crisis, I could do without. But at the same time, I'm not married, I don't have kids, I haven't been through a divorce so... I can't really write about things I haven't experienced. Cause I definitely am abiding by the "write what you know" rule. So. That being said an author that I think I most closely associate my style of writing with is Sarah Dessen.

Here is the blurb from the back of my favorite Dessen novel "The Truth about Forever":

"A long hot summer... that's what sixteen year old Macy Queen has to look forward to. Her boyfriend, Jason, is going away to Brain Camp. She's stuck with a dull-as-dishwater job at the library. And all of her free time promises to be spent studying for the SATS or grieving silently with her mother over her father's death.

But everything changes when Macy is corralled into helping out at one of her mother's open house events, and she meets the chaotic Wish Catering crew. Before long, Macy ditches her library job and joins up with the Wish gang: bighearted Delia; quiet, introspective Monica; and the fun-loving, fashion-conscious Kristy. But best of all, there's Wes- artisitc, insightful, and understanding Wes- who gets Macy to look at life in a whole new way..."

Here is another blurb from my other favorite "This Lullaby":

"Remy always knows when to give a guy "the speech"-- right after the intial romantic rush. but before anything gets too serious. She's had her fair share of boyfriends, and she's learned all there is to learn from her mother, who is currently working on husband number five. So why is it that Remy can't seem to dump Dexter? It can't be his name. It can't be that he's messy and disorganized. And it certainly isn't that's he's a musician-- just like Remy's father, a man she never knew because he left before she was born. Could it be that Remy's romantic rules to live by don't apply anymore?"

And finally we have the blurb from "Just Listen":

"Annabel Greene is the girl who has everything. At least that's who she plays in the commercial for Kopf's Department Store: top student, popular cheerleader, dazzling prom queen surrounded by friends. In real life, though, Annabel is the girl who has nothing: no best friend since her relationship with mean-but-exciting Sophie ended with malicious rumors flying, no peace at home while her older sister's eating disorder preoccupies the family, and no ability to tell anyone what's on her mind.

And then she meets Owen Armstrong- intense, obsessed with music, and determined to always tell the truth, no matter what the consequences.

Can a girl who hates confrontation find a way to connect with a guy who thrives on it? And can Annabel find the courage to tell what really happened the night she and Sophie stopped being friends?"

I have a feeling a lot of your hopes just deflated about the book. But that's honestly what I am aiming for. Nothing revolutionary, nothing mind-blowing or philosophical. Family is going to be a big component (though maybe not as large as my family members are hoping), friends are going to play a major role, and that crazy little thing called love might be making an appearance too. Oh but don't worry, my story isn't taking place in high school. I've been there and done that so I don't need to mentally live there for a few more years. Blah.

So that's why I don't rattle off a list of favorite authors whenever someone asks. Sure, I like Dessen, Emily Giffin, Jodi Picoult, and Kristin Harmel, but those aren't exactly names everyone knows like Tolstoy, Bronte, Steinback, or Tolkien. I'm not embarrassed, it's just people can't relate so I just say "Oh I like contemporary (aka frou frou) stuff". Plus I get judged by boys when I say Nicholas Sparks. Say what you will about him, but the man can write a love story and make you cry in the last chapter. Every. Single. Time (Or is it just me? I cry at Publix commercials so it could just be me).

See why I've been so reluctant to talk about the book? I think a lot of people have their expectations set way too high. I'm just trying to tell a story that I've had in my head for years and I like it but I don't know if every one else will. But I'll never know if I don't try so let's keep going.

Book update:

22 chapters DONE.

262 pages.

79,998 words.

Holy crap!

"I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired"

The following is not an ideal way to spend your weekend:

(Warning: the following may not be for the squeamish)

You plan a trip to Athens to see an author who has paved the way in the YA publishing world for you. The author is speaking in the building that you had the bulk of your college classes in. Nostalgia all around. And added bonus, you get to see your friends! Hooray! So you get excited all week. Post updates on your gMail status and twitter. Pack the night before and you're good to go. In fact you're so excited, you have trouble falling asleep Thursday night. So you wake up feeling a little... off on Friday. But you chalk it up to not getting a lot of sleep and you're nervous about finding seating at the event, getting to Athens on time, etc. But you do get to Athens on time and your gracious friends offer to drive you to the event. You run upstairs to get ready and then you feel really sick. So sick that you throw up.

Now I've never been the kind of person who throws up when they are nervous. But I could have rattled off a list of ten things I was worried about so maybe this was the first time it happened. I felt much better after it happened so I thought I'd be good to go. I get to Park Hall, find a seat near the door and sit and wait to hear words of wisdom from Jackson Pearce. She gets there, she talks, she shares her story and some insider information and it's all good. Until I noticed how hot the room is. There is no air circulating in here. This desk is so cramped. I feel like my stomach is collapsing in on itself. How did I sit in these desks for four years? Oh she is going to read from her book now, I really want to hear this but wait a second why do I feel so gross all of the sudden. Oh no.

That's right, I had to get up in the middle of this girl talking, grab my stuff and run out of the room. Luckily the bathroom was one door away so I bolted in there and puked yet again. Awesome. I felt better yet again so I thought maybe it's just nerves. But ultimately I knew I wouldn't be very fun much with my friends that night and I knew I ran the risk of not feeling well later so I opted to drive home. Driving to and from Athens in a day has taught me I do not want a job that involves a long commute.

I basically prayed the entire drive home that a) there would be no traffic since it was 5:30 on a Friday in Atlanta and I would be driving on 85, 285, and 75. b) I wouldn't throw up in the handy plastic bag I had by my side. Well there is a God because neither one of those things happen. But I did run into my house the second I parked in the garage and... you guessed it... got sick again. As I did several times that night so I think coming home was the best choice. I also may have cried. I don't handle being ill very well. And I have been sitting on my couch ever since Friday night. I am definitely feeling better but still rather drained but I will be back to 100 percent tomorrow. At least I hope so.

But the bonuses to being sick all weekend: I caught a Teen Mom marathon on MTV. Team Maci! I lost about five pounds from throwing up and not being able to eat for a few days. My Scramble score went up 9 points on my iPhone. I found another awesome iPhone word game app called "Word Pops" and it's sort of like scramble but dare I say more fun? I may have played these games so much that I am almost sort of playing them with imaginary letters in my mind. Maybe I'm still sick and delirious and not just obsessed?

Oh and I think there will be several blog posts today since I have been slacking this month so win for you too! Maybe? Maybe!

"Suddenly I'm in over my head and I could hardly breathe"

In the final moments/seconds of today, let's have a Music Monday!! Here are eight songs I am borderline obsessed with these days:

1. Assassin by John Mayer. The hook in this song is INSANE. How he does it time after time, I don't know. I won't lie, I was if-y about his latest album, Battle Studies (still am to be honest) but this song is my hands down favorite so far. I want to hug this song cause I love it so much.

2. Seaweed Song by Passion Pit. Even though Sleepyhead is my standout favorite by Passion Pit, this one always catches my attention when I play through the album.

3. Don't Stand So Close to Me (Young Girl)- Glee Mashup. Glee is awesome (yay! Golden Globe winner!) and if Matthew Morrison is looking to settle down any time soon, he should definitely give me a call.

4. Sing Along -Virginia Coalition. I just love this song. I was actually listening to it before I fell asleep the other night and it was in my dream. So that was sort of awesome.

5. Are We There Yet -Ingrid Michaelson. I swear, every time I hear a song I like on a television show and I look it up, it is always her! I just love her!

6. I Don't Know -Lisa Hannigan. I am pretty sure this was a free download from Starbucks. And the fact that it was free just adds to the awesomeness. I always noticed Lisa's voice in Damien Rice's songs and she doesn't disappoint when she goes solo. The lyrics are so simple yet so true.

7. Tik Tok -Ke$ha. I know, I know. She uses a dollar sign in her name and she is ridiculous. But as hard as I tried to fight it, this song is catchy. Sort of like STDs and stomach viruses.

8. Lasso -Phoenix. Again, 1901 was the song that caught my attention (along with the rest of the world) but I always find myself listening to this one as well.

"Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now"

I don't understand it when people say they have no regrets in life. I mean, sure, I hope they don't regret the person they married or having a child or those other "big" life decisions. But whenever someone says in a movie (and I realize it is a fictional character) that they don't have any regrets, I just don't believe it. I mean I regret the fact that I ate twenty(....-nine) Peanut Butter MnM's earlier today instead of 5, or you know, carrot sticks.

I went to Athens for the weekend because: 1) It was a long weekend. 2) A large majority of my friends still live there and I miss them greatly. 3) Several friends who now live out of state were visiting for another friend's birthday. It was an awesome weekend and as much as I love home, it still always makes me sad when I have to get on to 316 West instead of East.

I was extremely lucky to find a great group of friends in college. I mean an awesome, amazing, hilarious, fantastic, beautiful, smart, lovely group of friends. The only downside was I met about half of them the first half of senior year and the other half the last semester. So that meant only spending four or five months with some of them before we all graduated and went our separate ways. But I'm so grateful that these friendships have kept up thanks in large part to Facebook, texting, and gChat.

But it just makes me so sad that I could have been having the time of my life for four years instead of just one. So that's one of my biggest regrets. And sure, maybe if we all had met each other sophomore year, the timing and dynamic wouldn't have been right and it wouldn't have worked out. I'll just always wonder how much greater my college experience could have been. Not that I am trying to complain, I had an awesome time. And if I keep up my streak of visiting Athens that means I get to spend time with some of the people I love most. Until then... gChat and Facebook will just have to be a (distant) second choice.

Oh and while I'm talking about regrets. My other two involving my college years:

2. I should have been more involved in college. Since I declared my major junior year and therefore had to take my major classes the last three semesters of school which meant four english classes at once for a year. And that meant 16 papers in one semester. I had no life.

3. I should have done a freaking internship. I need experience. Job searching sucks. Still.