Previously on * slight pause * Survivor: Galu continues to kick butt in almost every challenge. Shambo is the new leader. Shambo and Laura do not like each other. Liz was voted out. Galu is outnumbering Foa Foa (FF) 8-4 so in the words of Probst, who will be voted out tonight?
Time out. Here is what I don’t understand. I read Probst’s blog (is it starting to really shine through that I’m a dork. A) I watch Survivor B) I am recapping an episode C) I read Jeff’s Probst’s blog. Hey, he is an Emmy winner!) and he constantly writes about how Russell is completely controlling this game. I do not see this AT. ALL. I think Russell pounces on anyone who becomes suspicious since he is lying his butt off and since FF is going to Tribal Council (TC) every single time, people are willing to going along with any decision as long as it’s not their head on the chopping block. The remaining members are willing to do anything to stay in the game and it’s not because of the “Russell seed”. At least this is how I see it. Moving on...
Night 18. Jaison says their tribe needs “rah rah” when they return to camp after voting out Liz at TC. Hm, how about you actually step up in challenges? Cause you’re a water polo player who was on the U.S. National team, and if memory serves me correctly, you gave up in the challenge where you were in the water. And you’re a law student, sooo shouldn’t you be good at reasoning and deducting and analyzing? Well you also sucked on the puzzle. I understand you are sitting in the rain for five days straight and not eating anything substantial, but come on. You aren’t adding anything to challenges and all the cheering the world won’t prevent your days from being numbered.
The four remaining members of FF speculate that a merge is probably next and once that happens it’s “game on”. Really cause I’d think it was game over. Why wouldn’t they vote you off? They have no loyalty to you. I think they had a chance flipping Shambo over to their side since she was so clearly the outsider of her tribe, but now she’s the leader and all of that power has gone straight to her mullet so I wouldn’t count on her. Maybe Laura since she and Russell “made a deal to the final three” last week but since he has a deal with every person and palm tree on that island, I wouldn’t count on it.
Russell says FF needs the merge and they have some strong “idears” and he is immediately dead to me for mispronouncing that word. Not like he wasn’t already since he is eeeeeevil.
Oh no, my dear Dr. Mick said once they get in there, they will take the whole thing down by promising to vote with Laura. The only way it makes sense is if Laura and the other two girls on Galu team up with FF to vote off the Galu guys and Shambo. Then Laura has to hope that Russell stays true to his word and he flips to vote with the three Galu girls. But Russell is a) evil b) would still be outnumbered so why wouldn’t he vote with his original tribe. Bottom line: Laura doesn’t really benefit from aligning with FF.
Russell says he is “too good for this game” and that he is “too sly” and he is playing with a bunch of other “dumbasses” in this game. I’ll keep that in mind.
Credits. Day 19.
Over at the Galu tribe, Laura speculates how Shambo doesn’t like her and that’s why she was sent over to the losing tribe. On an unrelated note, I think Laura has had a boob job.
The good Lord did not give her those. Or manners apparently.
Moving on.
Laura says that when she was sent over to the FF she gave her canteen to Dave (who will be called Kevin Spacey from here on out because the resemblance is uncanny) who gave it to Shambo. It is now missing and Shambo and Laura make a big scene over counting the canteens over and over, but somehow doing that doesn’t make the missing one magically reappear. Laura blames Shambo and Shambo is incredulous. Well you do have a great record of keeping track of things. Speaking of, how are those chickens doing and that scuba gear?
Anyway, Shambo once again brings up the “90210” alliance, which truly shows her age because I doubt she is referring to the recently updated series on the CW and since all of the actors on the original 90210 are in their late 30s now, it’s not a good reference. Now, I don’t care for Shambo. Her voice is so whiny; simply hearing her speak drives me crazy. She also thinks she is this amazing player when she has either sat out of challenges or done little to contribute to a win. The mullet and sports bra aren’t doing her any favors either. I think due to her military background, she is pissed that she wasn’t selected as being the leader so she pouted and ostracized herself from her own tribe from the beginning since they were too stupid to see what great leadership skills she possessed (when they voted for their leader without ever having spoken to one another and it was based solely on looks and overall demeanor. Again the mullet probably got her a couple of strikes). Because when she went over to FF the first time or two, she was extremely outgoing and complimenting everyone and was all about sharing the love. If I had been on FF I would have been seriously creeped out by her. Now if she had been that way with her own tribe from the get go, I bet she’d have more friends. Well maybe not since it’s Shambo and she’s annoying either way.
Shambo claims there is a power struggle between her and Laura. Shambo says it’s like the “cheerleaders in high school who looked down upon those not in her group" and Shambo voluntarily admits why she doesn’t like Laura. She doesn’t fit in and rather than trying to be friendly, she just hates Laura for not accepting her. And since other people like and listen to Laura, heck Monica follows her around like a puppy. I think Laura does a good job explaining how it’s not her fault how Shambo perceives the situation and I agree. If Shambo just wants to assume everyone hates her and goes off in the corner and sulks then fine. But when you are constantly losing stuff and yapping to the other tribe, you might not have many friends.
Erik (the guy who got clotheslined by an actual clothesline) says that everyone knows Shambo is crazy so if you go and have a fight with her, you are showing that you are just as crazy for starting a fight with a crazy person in the first place. Right. Moving on.
Treemail over at FF. The rhyming clue clearly indicates a merge and feast is awaiting them. Russell goes to get his actually hidden hidden immunity idol (HII) and says how “outwit” is the most important part of the game. Maybe I’d take you more seriously if I could understand all of the words that come out of your mouth (that is missing a tooth, natch).
The two tribes meet on the beach. Jeff isn’t there but a treasure chest is. Man, what is Probst doing that he has been absent for two of these things. You won’t win more emmys with less screen time, buckaroo.
Merge with Caution
The chest is opened and it contains blue buffs (which actually say “Buff” on them. Guess they came straight from the CBS online store), a tarp, and paint. Merge! They are moving to the Galu camp and there are hugs and kisses all around. Monica freaks about the feast. It looks good and we get a montage of the tribe members eating and drinking and having a jolly time. That includes Shambo with food on her mouth (gross) and Russell being fed grapes by Monica. Someone had a little too much drinky and not enough food me thinks.
Jaison goes off to talk about smart people things with John. Kevin Spacey is hitting on Natalie. Mick is flirting and being all McDreamy with the Galu girls. Russell claims this is their plan to infiltrate the Galu group. I mean, why not, give it your best shot. What do you have to lose? Oh right a million bucks.
Yeah, John, I’d have that look on my face if I was around Mick shirtless all day too.
FF marvels at the Galu camp, especially Natalie who says she feels like she is at the Hilton. I like Natalie so I won’t hate too much on that blonde comment.
The only time I will ever in my life be jealous of Shambo
Brett (who will be referred to as MFBB—My Future Boyfriend Brett—from here on out) asks if anyone has any ideas for a group name. He then suggests Aiga, which is “Samoan slang for extended family”. Aw, if he wasn’t so adorable, I would make fun of him for googling that before he headed out to the jungle. Shambo asks those in favor to say “aye” and several punny people reply “Aye-ga”. Chuckle. I would have too.
Russe-lowercase l- lower case l-H or Russe-capital I-capital I-H as in HII backwards?! Nah, too much credit.
Erik reminds us that he found the HII and that he is on day 19 while FF is on day 2 and all they have is a new beach and new people to chat with. He mocks the new name and asks what is Samoan for “get the hell off my island?” Crickets. Stick to pouring drinks and not cracking jokes, jerk.
Day 20. Russell goes off with Laura into the jungle and shows her his HII (get your minds out of the gutter). He promises if she can get him to the top 7, he will give it to her. Russell continues to be delusional and says there are two rules: 1) The first person to get voted out post-merge must be a Galu. And 2) Well we never get a second rule, I don’t think. Laura says no way Jose and either an FF is going first or Shambo. She says she has 90% of the power while he only has 10% and we all know, Russell is very John Locke and don’t tell him what he can’t do. So Laura is now #1 on Russell’s crap list and he moves on to someone else to attempt to manipulate
He shows his HII to Monica (who is BFF with Laura) and they make a “deal”. Russell knows she is lying about promising him but thinks if he gets rid of Laura, then Monica will come running. Even though if that even happens, Galu will still outnumber FF 7-4. Giving him more credit than he deserves, Russell knows he needs one of their guys to turn so he goes to talk to John, the literal Rocket Scientist.
Russell shows John the HII. Russell tries to stroke John’s ego saying he knows John is the only one who can play the game on Russell’s level. Dude, you’re outnumbered 2-1, I wouldn’t be bragging about your skills anytime soon.
Russell suggests that Laura go first (because she doubted his powers). John goes along with it to break down the girl alliance since Monica and Laura are so close and he thinks that could be trouble down the road.
Russell then compares himself to Babe Ruth since Ruth struck out more than anyone but he also had the most home runs so he is going to keep swinging baby. And by swinging he apparently means showing his HII to any and everyone.
Day 21. Shambo is washing her mullet in the lake and says it feels like a fishing net. I know she is in the jungle but I see leaves stuck in the mullet and I resist the urge to puke. Shambo starts complaining about Laura to Russell so he jumps on the opportunity to suggest voting Laura out. Shambo claims she trusts Russell implicitly and notes they are both country bumpkins. Is that the new euphuism for stupid and delusional?
Shambo tells Russell to tell FF that Laura’s name will be the one written down tonight. Cut to Russell telling each member of FF, and saying how this was “too easy”. Me thinks someone is going to win immunity and foil the “too easy” plan.
Immunity Challenge: T-ball. You score the points according to where the ball lands and the highest score wins immunity. Oooo. TWO individual immunities: one for the top guy and top girl. Nice move, producers.
Guys are up first:
Kevin Spacey: Someone calls him Danger Dave. Yeah, that ponytail is real scary. Probst asks if baseball is his sport and his says “making love is his sport” and that he doesn’t play often enough and I immediately vomit a little bit in my mouth. 3 points for the Sketchy Spacey.
Jaison: Off the course. Zero points. Shocker.
Russell: 4 points. Must be since he is so low to the ground.
MFBB: Off the course. Good try, sweetie!
Mick: 2 points.
Erik: Off the course. 0 points.
John: 5 points. Probably because he factored in wind resistance, altitude, the curve of the ball, and the mass of the bat since he is a rocket scientist after all.
sin(ax) [ sin(bx) - {kcos(ax)cos(bx)}/sin(ax) + 1/sin(ax) ] = I WIN SUCKERS!
Ladies:
Natalie: 0 points.
Monica: 2 points.
Kelly: 3 points. Seriously, who even is this girl? She’s blonde and has dreadlocks. Since FF was sucking so badly and we basically saw only them for the first 4 episodes, I have no idea who half the people were on Galu until recently. I still have no idea who this girl is. Now she’ll probably end up in the final two as the classic “under the radar’ player.
Shambo: 0 points and it doesn’t even head in the direction of the course and it goes about ten feet. My seven-year-old niece could hit the ball farther than that. But why are we surprised cause what do we know? Shambo sucks.
Laura: 4 points. Seriously what gives that both people that went last in their groups got immunity? I smell something fishy, and it’s not just Shambo’s hair.
Shambo says how much it sucks now that the plan to vote out Laura is foiled. And now scrambling time begins.
Russell says they should vote out Monica to get rid of the girl alliance. Shambo says no since apparently Erik and Laura call the shots and they won’t agree to that. Look at Shambo stepping up as leader and making decisions. Oh wait this is the person where her first official decision was to sit herself out of a challenge and when she was suppose to elect her successor, she chose Erik only to have Dave say “No no no Brett!” and she immediately changed her decision. She rules with an iron fist, that one. Shambo says one of FF’s guys has to go and Russell thinks he is the main target. He doesn’t want to play the idol but if he is feeling antsy he just may.
Laura tells Erik that Russell has the HII. They decide that they should say they are voting for Russ but really vote for Jaison, forcing Russ to play his HII and making it null and void. So they’re voting for Jaison.
Erik tells John that Russ has HII. John says that Monica needs to go. Erik protests and John says they are playing JV Survivor right now by just knocking out FF members one by one. John wants to break up the BFF alliance cause it’s in his best interest. He is a rocket scientist so he probably thought this one through with many graphs and proofs etched in the sand. John tells Erik to vote with Laura for Jaison so they can blindside Monica. And then Laura will owe Erik one. So they’re voting for Monica.
Erik tells MFBB, Sketchy Spacey, and John to vote for Monica. Spacey disagrees because they should knock down FF like they are shooting turkeys. I think he got his reality show metaphors mixed up and meant “shooting fish in a barrel”. Maybe the ponytail is cutting off the circulation to his brain. So we’re back to voting for Jaison. Spacey thinks that Erik is crafty (even though he was outsmarted by a clothesline) and is now suspicious of Erik. So Erik is on the chopping block now?
Erik tells Dr. Mick, Jaison, and Nat to vote for Monica and not to tell Russell so Russ will play the idol. Okay, so they’re back to voting for Monica.
Jaison thinks they should say they are voting for Monica but then really vote for Erik. Jaison says he doesn’t like Erik (probably cause of that horrendous bulldog tattoo on his shoulder. Who drew that? An eight year old?) and will leave the game easily/happily just as long as Erik goes before him. So... they’re voting for Erik now?
Man, wouldn’t it be awesome if your job on Survivor was just to go around and set up the camera and film trees swaying in the wind, birds flying, waves crashing on rocks, and the snake creeping along for the inevitable “she/he’s a snake in the grass” monologue. It’d be a sweet job. Stand there, press a button, travel the world, and get a paycheck.
Natalie goes and tells the Galu girls that Erik wants Monica out. Laura is none too please so she tells Kelly who tells Monica. The Galu girls tell Spacey and MFBB. Spacey tells Shambo and she says, “Who is Erik?” LOL. I mean maybe she was just that shocked by the decision but I think she is a few fries short of a Happy Meal. So I think they’re voting for Erik. Right? My head hurts.
Russell isn’t sure if this is just a rumor or the real deal. He isn’t sure if people are just forcing him to play the idol. Well that’s what happens when you tell everyone that you have it. Jaison even asks if he is going to play the not-so-HII. Way to step up with the mind games Jaison! That’s my boy! Erik says that it was almost too easy to get everyone to decide to vote for Monica and he is worried about that. Yeah I would be too. Erik packs his HII and says he will play it if he needs to. So it’s either Erik or Monica? Or Russell or Jaison. Russell says this is the first time he has no idea what is going on. Well in the game of Survivor. Not life, cause I’m willing to bet he is confused by words with more than seven letters and why it is always 12:00 according to his VCR.
One big happy family... errr... yeah.
TC. Jaison says it is frustrating to go into the merge down in numbers. Monica says you never know whom to trust. Thanks for those revolutionary statements. Erik thinks FF has nothing to offer. His team is cohesive and it’d be hard to his people to turn on their teammates. Shambo nods along. Russell says FF has a lot to offer and he might be surprised. Erik says it’s a long shot when he has 8 people. Probst thinks that you shouldn’t underestimate a tribe that is willing to do anything to stay in the game. Erik says Russ has been scrambling, Mick simply accepts they are down in numbers, Nat doesn’t want to bother anyone, and that Jaison has great potential due to his size and smarts but hasn’t utilized them.
See, all he needed was a little food and he’s back in the game!
We revert to the Jaison we saw at the Ben-Voted-Off-TC. Here is why the kid is in law school: He is very eloquent in saying he doesn’t appreciate Erik calling him out and doubting him when he is very much playing a strategic game. Erik says he likes that in a player in a very condescending way that no one should use if they don’t have an immunity necklace around their neck. Jaison says he doesn’t care what Erik likes. Russell says they still have hope. Erik says he needs to refocus his competitiveness because FF is on their way out. Russell thinks Erik is saying FF should just roll over and get voted out quietly but that’s not going to happen and he’ll do anything to stay in this game.
Here is my question about TC: Are you allowed to look at other contestants? Because I think so many of them lack poker faces during tribal council. Half of them were grinning when Erik was running his mouth like a fool. Especially if I had the HII, I’d be checking to see if anyone was smirking when I was talking to make sure I wasn’t about to get blindsided. And also, I’ve read that TC goes on for hours and Jeff really grills each player. So is it all due to editing that it seems like Erik was acting cocky and all-knowing cause they showed the majority of his grill session or was he really that way? And does Jeff know what is going on back at camp? Cause he asks some pretty direct questions. I’m just saying...
John and Laura are keeping immunity. It’s time to vote. We see Russell vote for Erik and that’s it. Some intense music is going on. I like it.
I don’t know why Jeff says he is going to tally the votes. He doesn’t. I know the producers put them in order for the most dramatic effect (or at least show them to us in that order) but he doesn’t tally them. Just say, “I’ll go get the votes”. It’s always bothered me. Mini rant over.
OMG. Russell is playing the HII. I. Love. It. Please let Erik play his, please let Erik play his. Russ says, “If everyone knows I have it I might as well play it.” I agree and then I don’t. Sure you’re at risk of being blindsided but at the same time, it’s protection so people might not even bothering gunning for you if they can still get rid of other FF members or even “power players” like Laura and her sidekick, Monica. I’m not sure how I feel about this.
Votes:
Jaison
Jaison
Erik (thinking oh, that’s just Jaison’s, Silly boy who didn’t show potential)
Erik (panic is starting to set in)
Erik (visible gulp)
Erik (surprised but still thinking it’s FF votes)
Erik (complete confusion along with Shambo)
Erik (knows he is screwed)
Erik (bamboozled) is the seventh person voted out and the first person of our jury.
Just for the record: It looked like MFBB rejected Erik’s friendly goodbye handshake. He did not; he patted him on the leg as he walked by. He’s such a nice guy. Yeah so much for that everlasting guy alliance.
With a peace out, the arrogant guy who got completely blindsided is gone. So long Erik. Once again, not one but TWO hidden immunities idols are not played to their possessor’s advantage.
Pwned.
Question: Is it a rule that once you are voted out you are not allowed to say anything to the tribe aside from goodbye/good luck? Cause if I was screwed over by my tribe I would totally yell out everything I knew as I walked down the stairs/across the bridge. If I’m going out, I’m doing it with style.
Next time on * pause * Survivor: Everyone is gunning for Russell. About frigging time.
Also, can CBS stop giving so much away in the previews: Some one almost dies?!?! Oh yeah it’s Galu’s Russell. Which team loses their passports on The Amazing Race?!?! Oh wait it’s Zev and Justin. What is the game changing moment this week?!?! Oh right, the merge. So that being said, next week every one is gunning for Russell: Oh hold up, he wins individual immunity so let’s go after Jaison instead. No spoilers just Merely a guess using logic. :)
2 comments:
Excellent summary! Loved your "asides". When you want to write, you can write. I was laughing. Loved it!
Haha. "Good try, sweetie!" Hahahaha! Now dat's funny.
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