"Sometimes it hits like a car crash/ And it's too late to reverse"

Sometimes I really stress out about the things I have to teach my kids every month. For example, teaching them how to call 911 was one of the more stressful days. I was convinced every parents was going to tell me the next day that the police came to their house because Sally and Bobby were practicing calling 911 cause Ms Annie taught them how. Luckily, that didn't happen. But how exactly do you explain to a kid why they might need to call 911? Well sweetie, you might have to call 911 if mommy or daddy is ever unconscious. I don't want to scar these kids for life. Luckily my mom helped me come up with the example of if their mom/dad fell off a ladder and couldn't get to the phone cause they hurt their leg.

And it's funny cause I try to avoid the overall topic of death because I don't want to have nine hysterical children but one of their favorite games to play is pretending someone is dead.

The thing that I worry about is teaching them stuff as a precaution that they shouldn't be worried about in the first place. Don't play with matches. They don't even know what matches are. My worry is when I explain the wooden stick that lights up that they are going to go home and seek them out and then try to make that happen cause it sounds cool. I also didn't want to explain about poison prevention so I just told them to stay out from under the sink in the kitchen and bathroom. All encompassing.

Little did I know the one lesson I was going to hammer home a little too hard was about brushing our teeth and eating healthy foods. We covered all the basics, foods that are good for you, how you should sing Happy Birthday to yourself as you brush , etc. I made the mistake of mentioning that fruit snacks aren't really good for your teeth because even though it does have the word "fruit" in it, they stick to your teeth and might make you get little holes in them (cavities). Well when lunchtime rolled around approximately 4 of my 9 children had horror-stricken faces when they opened their Spiderman and Tinkerbelle lunch boxes and saw they had * gasp * fruit snacks. Oh no! cried one child as he held it away from himself like a dead mouse. So then I had to explain it is okay to have them as a special treat every once in while. Pretty sure he packed them up and took them home unwilling to run the risk. Whoops.

Also a fun story: One of the little girls came out of the bathroom and told me there was pee on the floor. I expected a little trickle on the seat or floor because these kids freak out if one of them forgets to flush. Well I walked into the Yellow River. Literally. It was EVERYWHERE. I asked the ones that I remembered going recently. Then my eyes fell on the Guilty One. He wouldn't explain what happened so I took him out in the hallway under the promise that "I won't get mad".

Me: So what happened? (Never provide them with the potential excuse in your question such as were you sick, was it an accident)

Him: I wanted to see if I could go pee in the dark.

Needless to say I was not happy especially after the 40 paper towels it took to clean it up and the healthy dosing of cleaner the bathroom got. Oh my glorious job and life. Seriously any day I avoid the three Ps: puke, poop, and pee, I am a happy camper.