Sunday, April 25, 2010

"Few times I've been around that track/ So it's not just gonna happen like that/ Cause I ain't no Hollaback Girl"

Previously on * slight pause * Survivor: Everyone is anticipating a merge. Poverty found a HII and didn’t tell Russell. JT executed the DUMBEST move ever and gave Russell his HII. Villains went to TC and Twiggy was voted out.

Day 25: Rupert and Amanda find a locked box with a note saying company will be arriving soon with the key. Over at the V camp, they find a key and map to the Heroes' camp. Russell and his ladies decide to lie and say he used JT's HII that was intended for Poverty to save himself while Poverty used one as well. Russell talks some trash (to the camera natch, not to the girls who are actually running this show) and says he’s going to have the Heroes eating of his hands. -1 Russell.

Poverty expands her king and queen metaphor (getting old; -1 Poverty) and calls Danielle her “lady in waiting”. Wonder what Danielle thought when she saw that. The Villains arrive at the Heroes camp and JT freaks out because Poverty is leading the pack and he can’t see Russell. But he manages to see the tiny, stubby legs and is relieved. He assumes Poverty played an idol and says she has to go next.

Hugs and giggles all around by the two tribes. The box reveals some food and new black buffs. Everyone freaks about the food (mainly Jerri, again) and they feast (probably like Kings and Queens if you asked Poverty). New tribe names are thrown out: The Hillains, Yin Yang, and All Villains. “We’re all Villains,” says Jerri. “Really?” says Colby the Golden Boy in disbelief. Then we get some mumbo-jumbo from Rupe about how they are all winners, all-stars, blah blah blah. This isn’t your little boys and girls club, we don’t need your inspiration.

Cut to Jerri saying she built a covered wagon last year and then Amanda saying someone had a worm under their skin that you could see moving. Most random dialogue EVER. Poverty looks forlorn and says everyone wants her gone and it’s getting to her.

Russell lies to JT and Rupert and says he and Poverty both stood up and used their HIIs at the exact same time. Russell swears on his kids he is on board with the Heroes. JT says, “I told you so. He’s solid man. He’s a good old country boy” to Rupert. JT says giving Russ the HII could blow up in his face and Russ could be the leader of the girls. “Do I believe it? Not a chance in the world”. I would give JT a shovel but he doesn’t need any help digging his own grave. Although, he is right in believing it since Russell is in fact NOT the leader and Poverty really is running the show.

Sandra confides in Rupert and says Russell and Poverty are in control. She keeps it quick so people don’t get suspicious. This conversation makes Rupert wake up and smell the rat. +5 Rupert. GO RUPERT, GO! Vote out the hobbit! Redeem yourself and validate your huge ego by actually making a smart move for once. PLEASE!


The Heroes' last chance. I know, I'm shocked too.

Some talk about how the Villains are eating the Heroes’ carefully rationed bananas. All of the Heroes think this s#!t is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s, while Poverty and Danielle act like they are surveying the produce section.

How many more can I take before Rupert's brain explodes?

Amanda, Candice, JT, and Rupert discuss Russell and Rupert says the smartest thing he’s ever said in this game and possibly his life: [Russell’s] on the villain side for a reason. THANK YOU. +10 Rupert. JT is all condescending about how Rupert needs someone else to think up strategy. -5 JT. He must be hitting his kidneys by now with how deeply he is inserting his foot in his mouth.

Poverty and Amanda go off and talk and exchange some deets about their tribes. Poverty tells Amanda she has a HII. Amanda says she likes Poverty but if she makes it to the end of this game, she is going to win again. Foreshadowing?

Immunity challenge: Holding on to a pole (with indents for hand and footrests) and whoever lasts the longest wins. About .5 seconds in, Colby and Sandra drop out Seriously Colby? Why do you test my love and support? -1 Colby. But I do think they are giving the women an edge with these challenges since Russell and Rupert drop out next. Then Amanda, JT, and Jerri. Candice wishes the girls luck and starts to step down. Jeff stops her and asks why she is giving up when she is favored to win based on past challenges. Candice says the others look like they could last a while. -1 Candice. So she’s out and that leaves Poverty and Danielle.

Poverty and Danielle immediately start talking.

P: You want me to win?

D: I’ll win cause youhavetheidol she mumbles. I hope she said it too loudly allowing everyone to overhear but alas no such luck.

Plus, I mean really, what other time am I going to win?

Poverty steps down and Danielle wins immunity. There’s a sentence I never thought I’d type. Danielle exposes herself on the way down. Yep, that’s more like normal. Rupert is suspicious of Poverty just stepping down when she is “in danger of going home”. The big man now sets his sights on the little man.

Day 27 at Yin Yang and we get the billionth shot of those two whales in the ocean. Seriously producers, get some new stock footage. The Heroes decide to tell Russell they are voting for Poverty to test his allegiance and then they will really vote for Sandra or Jerri and still get rid of a villain.

This might be a stupid strategy but if I thought someone had a HII, I would trail them the entire day leading up to TC. Then you’d see if they had it OR you’d prevent them from getting it and therefore know they won’t be playing it that night. Come on, you have five people, take shifts and guarantee knowledge!

Russell scampers off to get his HII (ahem, could have been avoided) and is giving it to Poverty. Someone’s in luff. Poverty brags about her “two little green men”. She says she never understood why everyone thought she was the most dangerous player in the game until right now.


In lieu of the diamond ring I'll give ya when we get home

Amanda complains to Poverty about being on different tribes. Amanda tells Poverty she better play her idol tonight “just in case”. Poverty says she knows Amanda is lying and they aren’t voting for her, they just want her to play the idol.

TC in the TH (tree house): Rupert complains about the Villains eating all the bananas. Danielle (who I no longer think has common sense) gets into a debate about bananas and it’s just stupid. -1 Dani. Russell says, “Nothing is going to change. There are two separate tribes. The game is on. Let’s forget about green bananas and yellow bananas.” and I actually agree with the troll for once. + .00001 Russell.

Everyone agrees this vote is huge and will determine who is in the majority. JT says no one talked to him today so he assumes the Vs are writing his name down. Somehow this turns into an episode of Dr. Phil where everyone says they are feeling ignored. Poverty says she feels like a leper on this tribe and Jeff says “But is that just because you’re used to getting attention all the time in life?” Zing! +1 for Probst. Talk about how HII are huge in this game. JT says he doesn’t have one. Yeah, cause you gave it away like an imbesullan (+5 to anyone who knows that joke). Time to vote.

We see 3 votes for JT and 2 for Jerri. Noteworthy (in hindsight): Candice says she is voting for her because Jerri is least likely to receive the Idol. Time to tally the votes.

Poverty stops Jeff and then gives Sandra an idol. The Heroes are smirking since they voted for Jerri. And then.... Poverty gives Jerri an idol! WHAT!?!?


I'll trade you my HII for your jury vote.

And the crap hits the fan as the Heroes realize they are in troubs. “I knew we shouldn’t have trusted that ____” says Rupert. Have fun filling in your own noun: Troll, MF, hobbit, satan, Stumpy McStumperson. So five votes for Jerri are null and void. Three votes later, JT is out. You just got played, son.

Echoing millions of Americans when we first heard your stupid plan.

The Heroes look like they just found out their dog died on the day they got fired and their spouse left them for a younger, hotter but extremely stupid version of themselves. Russell, because he is delusional and thinks he is running this game, tells Poverty “You’ve got some explaining to do.”

Doesn't she know, she's in my dumbass girl alliance?

We all know I have beauty but I've also got the brains!

JT got voted out with his own idol and officially goes down in Survivor history as the DUMBEST move EVER.

sniff This never would have happened if Stephen were here sniff

Next week: Sandra promises to vote out Russell since she has been gunning for him since day one. I hope this is true but I’ve seen this promo thirty times and he still sticks around. One can only hope.

This episode has turned all of my thinking on its head. I’m rooting for Rupert? He is showing signs of intelligence and strategy? I now think Poverty’s somewhat brilliant. I mean really, the two people who should have been voted out were sitting ducks (Poverty and Russell), received NO votes. Poverty could have just secured two jury votes if she makes it to the end from Sandra and Jerri. I’ll say this, I don’t like Poverty but she really is brilliant. She did it to have the numbers when they very well could have been voting for her. I think it’s because Amanda said “just in case” that Poverty knew they weren’t voting for her. I’m not saying I want her to win but if she does, she deserves it at this point. We still have six eliminations to go though so we will see how this all plays out. All I know is I’m excited.

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