Previously on * slight pause * Survivor: Sandra found the HII. Candice and Danielle both made dumb moves and got voted out in a special double elimination episode.
Night 33: Rupert is being a typical d-bag saying how each day his chances of winning this game get better and better. You're doing a great job there, Copernicus: that’s usually how it works when you make it closer and closer to the end of the game. Poverty knows they need to get rid of the remaining Heroes because they have a lot of friends on the jury so she still needs to be nice to Russell.
Whoever edited in the sound effects during Russell’s interview deserves a raise: “When Danielle said ‘We’re closer than you really think, Russell’, the switch went off in my head and I think * light bulb clicking noise * Oh really * cocks head to the side along with a tapping noise * Did she just say that to me?” Classic. Russell sees Poverty on edge and realizes he just eliminated her main alliance and now she has to rely on him. Or her amazing gameplay thus far. Same diff.
Credits, aw man, guess this one isn’t as shocking.
Treemail: A box with a Spring Palm Pre in it. Product placement, yay! They show off the features and Poverty plays right into it to hoping get some free phones in the future and says how cool the phone is. They go to the video app and there are messages from family members! It’s so sweet that when everyone yells, Sandra shushes them so Colby is able to hear the message from his brother. We see messages from Colby’s brother, Poverty’s dad, Russell’s wife, Sandra’s uncle, Jerri’s sister, and Rupert’s wife and know they are going to participate in the next reward challenge. Awkward quote from Rupert: “I can’t wait to get out there and maybe touch my wife.” I think “hug” would have been the less creepy, appropriate, sweet verb to use in this case.
Reward Challenge: Jeff brings in the family members one by one and it’s adorable to see the reunions minus the fact that you know the survivors are rubbing their stank all over their family members. Poverty’s dad seems refreshingly normal. Russell’s wife is rather pretty. Good genes must run in the Donaldson family. Rupert is macking all over his wife but my one thought is how badly his breath must smell. They’ve been married for 12 years so I’m sure the wife has experienced worse (come on, he already looked disheveled on day one). Whew, Sandra loses it when she sees her uncle. She explains how important he is to her and how he was sitting by her mom’s side until her last minute alive. Whew it’s emotional but really I cry when anyone cries so maybe it’s just me.
The survivors are going to throw bucketfuls of water about five feet to their family members who will be trying to catch and dump it into another bucket. First to fill their bucket and raise their flag, wins reward to some place that has blowholes and food and they get to record their memories on the Palm Pre.
Lots of chaos/action this challenge: Colby is yelling at his brother for doing everything wrong. Sandra is yelling in Spanish. Jerri and her sister are doing well. Russell’s wife is spitting in the bucket thinking that tablespoon is really going to help. Rupert's wife is squeezing the water out of her shirt and Jeff announces her crafty game plan. Sometimes I think Jeff shouldn’t be able to announce such things because others follow suit. It’s pretty much between Jerri, Russell, and Rupert. And Jerri wins!
She gets to pick two pairs to go along on the reward and selects Poverty and Sandra. I think if I were in Jerri’s spot I would pick the people who almost won as to not ruffle any feathers. It’s a very diplomatic approach. Well that or I’d tell them to pick a number between 1-100 and the two closest go. Rupert and his wife are making out before saying goodbye and I am sufficiently grossed out. The boys head back to camp.
At the Blowholes, the girls toss some coconuts in these gapping holes and they skyrocket into the air from the huge waves. Everyone ohs and awes like six year olds at a fireworks show. They snap some pictures on their Palm Pre (do I get money for advertising the name in this blog post? Probably not so... iPhone FTW!!!) Poverty says taking pictures was one of the best parts of the reward. Yes because I would want to capture and remember what I look like after not bathing for 30-some days. But they are already going to be on TV so why not?
Sandra talks about her favorite uncle and I immediately worry that we are getting too much backstory on Sandra. I misunderstood and thought she said her mom passed away a week ago and I freak out because they totally told Jenna Morasca and she got to leave but then I am informed it’s been a year and a week. It’s still sad though. It makes me like Sandra more. +10 Sandra.
The girls start talking strategy and Jerri is pooping her pants about Russell most likely being mad for not taking him on the reward. Jerri, there is no way you are making it to the finale three unless you win immunity so moot point. The girls assure her that they have her back (for now). Back at camp, the boys are complaining about Jerri’s “stupid” move. I wouldn’t want to spend the afternoon with those jerks anyway so I don’t blame her for taking the girls. Russell says he has saved Jerri’s ass before but if memory serves me correctly, Poverty saved her by giving her immunity when she was about to go home so maybe Jerri was just returning the favor. Punk. He calls Poverty and Jerri “ungrateful little bitches” showing off his chauvinistic attitude. Notice he always teams up with girls. This is probably because he thinks no one would be dumb enough to vote for a lowly girl over a burly man. He doesn’t know his strategy didn’t work in Samoa and I think he is about to get pwned again. (Sidenote: They should have Samoa Girl Scout cookies be a reward. People go crazy for those in everyday life. When you haven’t eaten for over a month they would go absolutely bonkers. Make it happen, producers!)
Russell, Rupert, and Colby make an agreement to go the final three. I hope the boys aren’t dumb enough to fall for this. -1 to each of the boys. But Rupert FINALLY points out (what I have been saying for the past two seasons... boo yah) that if he can take the best villain to the final three, he is guaranteed the million. True dat. If by "best villain" you mean WORST human ever. +10 to Rupe for finally voicing it.
The girls get back to camp and Rupert is the only one awake so they head to bed. Rupert sees this as the perfect time to saw, chop wood, and break some logs. Brilliant idea. “I have never in my life seen anybody that inconsiderate. I don’t know if it’s incredible cockiness or just complete stupidity. I’m leaning more towards stupidity, quite frankly.” Zing! +10 to Jerri and probably the only time I will ever like you.
Immunity Challenge: Holding your hands up, palms down (another tie in to the Sprint phone?) holding up two poles against an overhead board. If a pole drops you’re out. Last one, wins immunity. Colby is out after 15 seconds. -15 to the Colpster. I wanted to hope that Colby was sucking on purpose so he wasn’t perceived as a physical threat since he dominated the challenges in his original season but I think we can confidently say that is not the case. Sandra follows soon after and then Russell. As Jeff is pointing out that Jerri’s are still dead center, hers inexplicably drops mid-sentence. A compliment from Jeff is bad luck I tell you. Poverty and Rupert have poles resting on the edge of the board, hanging on by a thread. Rupert’s falls and Poverty wins another endurance challenge! Apparently I am really rooting for Poverty at this point because I was sick at the thought of her losing during that challenge. +5 Poverty. And I've started to type out Parvati initially because I'm gaining more and more respect. She really does deserve the million. But she doesn't deserve to miss out on having her silly name be mispronounced.
Russell says since Poverty won immunity, he is going to have to vote for Rupert. Sandra tells Rupert she wants Russell out. Sandra spells it out AGAIN saying everyone wants to take Russell to the end because he is so bad that everyone will vote against him and that’s why he is still here. THANK YOU. Validation. Guess the editors couldn’t keep it out by this point. Because Rupert is an idiot, he runs and tells Russell. -10 Rupert. Russell of course freaks out and confronts Sandra: “Are you with me or against me”. “I’m against you Russell”. Well at least no one can accuse her of lying during the final TC. +10 Sandra. Russell and Sandra say they are both comfortable and not worried about votes. Sandra says “Loose lips sink ships” to Rupert and he doesn’t get that it’s his ship that is about to sink. Poverty asks “Who invited Boston Rob (RIP) back” since Russell ripped off his line. Russell throws out maybe voting for Sandra because this is how he plays the game: guns for anyone who suspects him. Sandra says that today is the last day she can use the idol but she might not use it because she is very confident that she is not going home. Oh Sandra! NO! You’re one of the few who I still want to win.
TC in the TH: Sandra says Rupert tried to stir up some trouble between her and Russell so another villain could go home. Poverty does an awesome imitation of Sandra when she said she’s against Russell. Poverty says again that a Hero cannot be in the final three because they have a lot of friends on the jury. Rupert says you either need to be the top Hero (which he is not) or the top Villain in the final three and own it to win the million. Poverty whips her neck in Russell’s direction at the mention of top villain. Rupert asks Poverty if she’s the top villain and she says “Nope. I’m a hero on the inside”. Time to vote! Sandra: “I’ll write your name again and if I’m up in the final three, you’ll still give me your vote”. I’m guessing Rupert voted for Sandra during the Pearl Islands. Rupert votes for Sandra. Danielle retches as Russell walks up to vote. I would too Danielle, I would too. Time to tally!
Jeff: If anyone has the HII---
Sandra pops up like a Jack in the box, hands on hips: Should I let you finish? EPIC.
She said she had mixed feelings about this TC so she is going to play it because she’d hate to go home with the idol in her bra (cough JAMES cough). Russell and Poverty both confirm they had NO idea she had it. “She’s bad” says Russell. Really? Cause I think she’s AWESOME. I mean sure you risk showing that you were hiding something from the tribe but I think that’s how an HII should be played. Very few should know about it but we know Russell “I can’t keep my one-tooth-too-few mouth shut” Hantz doesn’t abide by that philosophy. Two votes for Sandra. Three for Rupert and the tye-dyed one is gone. He gives a menacing look as his torch is snuffed to Russell. (Someone make a montage of that for all these seasons! There has to be a million of em). But I mean really, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. See ya Rupert! In his exit interview he says “Maybe I wasn’t destined to win Survivor.... But I’m still pretty tough. But I don’t need to win Survivor to know that.” Good so I better not see you on the next All-Star season. I wanted to root for ya but then you failed to oust Russell so I’m all done! Seriously, why we were all obsessed with him during his original season? I don’t remember why.
Let me break this down: Sandra and Poverty are going to stay tight since they are past winners and no one wants to give the money to the same person twice. They NEED Russell because he is despicable and has pissed all pretty much every single person on the jury (seriously, he doesn’t have a crazy Shambo on his side this time) and they know he is their ticket to the million. They know a Hero will beat them and even Jerri could maybe since she has never won before. My guess for final three: Russell, Poverty, and Sandra and I think Poverty will win. But really as long as it's not Russell, I'm be fine. Finale tomorrow!!!! Yeah! Can't wait to see Russell cry AGAIN. It's gonna be epic!
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