"One quick look as each of em leaves you ... They take bows and you're batting zero"

This is the second part of my Survivor Recap. First part is here:

Final TC in the TH: Jury time! I love it. Sandra says she's stuck around even though her alliance was decimated. She points out how she tried to get the Heroes to vote out Russell but they never got on board (coughCandicecough). Russell says his game didn't involve luck. Really? So rooting around under random trees in the jungle isn't luck? I see how he could argue it is strategy but please. It was luck. This guy is delusional. Poverty points out she was a threat from day one and she's still here. She calls Russell her pet and says she played a great game. I bet Russell's tongue is bleeding from biting down on it. I wonder if they had to edit out him trying to interrupt. Wouldn't surprise me.

Jury questioning highlights:

-Colby calls Russell out on the no-luck comment. +1 Colby. Poverty points out how she played the two idols for other people at the risk of getting voting out herself. Point to Poverty.

-Coach calls Russell a little man in stature and word. Zing! He says Poverty was a warrior in challenges. He asks no questions. Sit down fool.

-Amanda asks Sandra why her strategy was better. She basically points out how dumb the Heroes were to never vote out Russell when she was willing to jump ship. Pwned.

-Twiggy is voting for Sandra. That's all.

- JT says he made his bed and he's going to lie in it and thinks Russell should do the same. Russell just listens to the "lie" part and keeps yapping about how good of a game he played.

-Danielle says Russ sucks at jury management and no one respects him so he's not going to get any votes. Boom.

-Jerri wants to know why she wasn't taken to the end. Russell says she was too well liked and was going to win. Poverty and Sandra interrupt and say he knew he was going to get Jerri's vote so that's why. And there goes his one potential vote.

- Candice says Russ went too far with the lying. She metaphorically calls Poverty a battered woman. Inapprop.

-Rupert. He's got on his condescending and judgmental voice so this will be good. He says Russell shouldn't be proud of how he played the game. He apologizes to Sandra for not going along with her plan. Poverty finally points out that she had no one to align with but Russell so people need to lay off on the fact she worked with him.

Hmmm... no tears. No snake/rat speech. No charity questions. What an absurd final TC. If I was on Survivor, here is what I would say at Final TC if I was in the final 2/3. Since everyone on that jury is a bitter Betty and Bobby, you should point out that you HAD to vote them out because they were a threat, because they were going to win if they made it to the end. That it doesn't mean you are a better person than them, it just means you played a slightly better strategic game and that's cause their gameplay was forcing you to do that. You gotta stroke their massive egos and say if you could change anything, you wish that feelings wouldn't have gotten hurt or anything taken personally but you understand cause you might feel the same way. Never say "it's just a game" because that sends people into a tizzy.

We see the following votes:

Poverty: Jerri, Danielle, and Coach (where an eagle screech accompanies his statement that "King Arthur's journey has ended". Seriously editors, submit this for your Emmy reel. I'm dying laughing).

Sandra: Candice, Courtney, and Rupert (Sandra was right about how she'll still get his vote).

No amazing trek back the USA by Jeff. Drats. Time to read the votes! We see all of the ones we already saw and then two more for Sandra! She looks so purdy! The first two-time winner: Sandra Diaz-Twine!

I just didn't want Russell to win. I wish Poverty would have since she played a way better strategic and physical game but most juries can't see past their hurt egos. Again, I maintain as I have since last season that Russell is always kept around because everyone knows they can wipe the floor with him at the end. So Russell missed his chance to eliminate his biggest threat numerous times (Sandra) and Sandra's plan repeatedly being foiled by the Heroes ending up rewarding her with the million. Irony!

Reunion show highlights:

- Russell says there is a flaw in the game: America should be able to vote. I believe that show is called "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here". Dear God, please no. Don't let that be Russell's next move.

- Russell has LAMINATED the note from JT and is talking about he made a winner look like the dumbest player ever. JT reaches from behind and tries to throw it in the fire accompanied with a "No!" and flailing by Russell. LEGEND. DARY.

- Jeff says Russell was a delusional, arrogant, mouthy idiot every single day. Gee I wonder who called that last season? Oh yeah ME.

- We get a shot of Sandra's hubby. Thanks for serving our country!

- Russell: Poverty should have won.

Jeff: Again Russell that's a different game. That's called Russell Decides Who Wins Survivor.

I gotta say I don't care for Jeff but he is on fire tonight.

- Russell says he doesn't care about the jury. He keeps saying he only played the game once and doesn't answer Jeff's very direct question. Sandra pipes in (even though her mic is turned off) and says "He doesn't understand".

- Boston Rob points out that Russell plays to make it to the end but he doesn't play to win since he burns too many bridges and insults too many people so he's not gonna get votes.

- "But given the opportunity I will gladly go back and kick your ass all over the island." -Boston Rob. WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN. The only way it would have been better would been if he said "Just as many times as you" when Russell asked how many times he has won. He refuses to shake his hand probably because Russell is the smoke monster.

- JT wins the Dumbest Move ever award.

- Coach kinda humps Colby on national television. Awkward.

- Stephenie is lame and plugs her restaurant on tv when she gets asked her one question. Lame. Jeff rolls his eyes. Awesome.

- "Just one question, not a lot of time .....because you will tell a story," Jeff to Coach. Did Jeff take some awesome pills before this reunion? He is killing it.

- We see Rob and Amber's cute baby, Lucia Rose. Awwwwww. According to Cirie's twitter they are pregs again but I haven't seen that info anywhere else (she also said Colby and Danielle are hooking up).

- Russell wins Sprint Player of the Game probably because he made his four children text vote after vote like a mini sweatshop since honestly fifteen people clap when he wins. And Rupert was his competitor? What about Rob? Poverty? Heck, even Sassy Courtney? America, you disappoint me (but not when it comes to American Idol... Lee FTW!).

- "Russell, damn you" -Danielle. Yup, that sums up this season.

- The Survivor compilation image was the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

I totally called the next season taking place in Nicaragua. Well that or Antarctica. But then they wouldn't have ladies in bikinis and shirtless dudes so can't do that. At least I was right. While I always love the All Star seasons, I'm excited to have some fresh blood and no preformed alliances running the game. Bring it on Burnett!

"All that work and what did it get me?/ Why did I do it?"

Soooo the Survivor finale was almost two weeks ago but I haven't had time to do a three hour recap. If you like the show, you watched and know what happened so I am going to just hit the highlights instead of scene by scene. Plus, even though I've made a very conscious effort to cut these things down in length, I'm still getting complaints (you know who you are) so here's the abbreved version. Enjoy!

This episode is titled "Anything Could Happen". It might as well be labeled as "Anything Could Happen.... Besides Russell Winning". Jeff recaps, you know the drill: Heroes. Villains. Boston Rob. Immunity. Idols. Russell's a douchebag. People make the dumbest moves ever (coughJTcough). Sandra and Poverty are the only two who deserve it at this point. Let's see what happens.

After Rupert's ousting, Russell says Sandra played an idol that was totally worthless. Poverty calls him out as says "You did it too!" Twice. +1 Pov-ster. Russell says that Sandra lied to him about having the HII. Sandra smacks him down saying he never told her about his idols until after he played them. Touche Sandra. But really, it's Russell so logic is pointless with him. He accuses Poverty of lying to him and she calls him a toddler. I think that's being generous. We get the obligatory misleading info where maybe Colby won't be going home but we all know he is. I like the Colpster but really WHAT a disappointment this season. Credits.

Treemail. Clue about the challenge in China with actual china (racist). Russell wants to be in the top 3 with Jerri and Sandra since neither "played the game" and "the jury would almost have to vote for me". I think they would vote for Hitler to win before you.

Challenge: Balancing and stacking dishes with one hand. Shockingly, Sandra is out before Colby for once with nine dishes. Anytime Jeff notes how many there are, you know someone is about to fail. Jerri is out with 14. Then Russell with 16. Who knew stacking dishes could be so suspenseful? Poverty is a challenge beast and wins again. She is really making me start to like her.

Colby says "Hey, I know I'm going, let's just enjoy the day". The we get an awkward interview where there's twenty seconds of silence while he tries not cry and says he isn't giving up and has one last attempt. Colby tries to reason with Russell (already a poor choice) about getting rid of Sandra so he, Jerri, and Russell can all try to beat Poverty and eliminate her the next round (yeah cause you've really dominated challenges this season). Russell says he is considering it and that's just so we don't know who is going home 29 minutes into the episode.

TC in the TH: Colby is out surprising exactly no one. I miss BA Colby. I look forward to seeing you in Schick commercials and a small role in thrillers starring Rachel McAdams.

Talk about needing to get Poverty out. Russell says the jury thinks she's some big strategic player but she's not (false) and Jerri says P was just tucked under his wing the whole time (kettle? Meet pot. Minus the fact this is NOT true).

Treemail where they go on the stupid journey to see all of the "fallen comrades". Boring and I don't have to say anything for ten minutes. Well besides RIP Boston Rob. Sad emoticon.

Challenge: Navigating a maze blindfolded while collecting four necklaces. First one to the immunity necklace, wins. WHAT?! No endurance challenge? Boohockey! It's a glorified version of Marco Polo (which I would excuse if this took place in China but it doesn't so fail). Poverty is banging into stuff. Sandra is following P's voice. Poverty and Russell get their last necklace at the same time and he is shoving her and pushing her all over the place. Classy. Also probably trying to cop a feel. It's a suspenseful ending as Jerri, Poverty, and Russell are all inches away from the immunity necklace. Russell gets up on his tippy toes and manages to reach the necklace. Russell wins but let's face it he wasn't going anywhere since they all know he is the ticket to the million. Jerri is all excited thinking she is guaranteed a spot in the final three. Russ makes Jeff put on the necklace. Douche.

Russ tells Sandra she is in a real good spot. She knows it's because she already won the million and no one will vote for her again. "That's alright, I'll take the 100,000." For real. But then she says Russell doesn't think she will get a single vote "But I don't know about thaaaaaat." I love her. Russell wants Jerri gone cause she is a guaranteed vote on the jury. Yeah, I'm sure people always vote for the person that burned/blindsided them. Has he ever watched this show before?

TC in the TH: Ping ponging between Jerri, Poverty, Jerri, Poverty. Poverty says she has been protecting Russell the entire time. His face is one of anger, frustration, surprise, and disbelief. She tries to dislodge her foot from her mouth and say they've been protecting each other. I immediately worry this is going to be another Danielle-like ousting. Aaaaaand Jerri's out. Let's face it, she needed to go. She could maybe beat the other girls since she has never won and a freaking palm tree could beat Russell at this point. So see ya later Jer!

Day 39! Breakfast feast, natch. Russell interviews that he brought people he could beat this time around since "it didn't work last time". I honestly think this was filmed on a green screen because it sort of looks funny AND I checked out the dates and the finale of Samoa wasn't until a good three months until after HvV finished filming. Don't say I didn't do my research (coughWikipediacough). Maybe he is basing this on the Samoan jury reaction but I don't think he knew the votes during the filming of HvV. He did after all launch RussellGotScrewed.com practically seconds after the Samoa finale premiered. I'm just saying.

At Russell's prompting, Poverty says that if she had ended up on the jury that she would have voted for Sandra. Russell says his game was better than Poverty's. False. Sandra says she is going to burn his hat and goes and throws the fedora in the fire. Awesome. Give her the million now. Such sweet justice for him burning Jaison's socks (twice) on his first season. Sandra says Russell has a big bald spot he doesn't want anyone to know about "but we've been out here 39 days. I've seen it a whole lot of times." +100 Sandra. Give this woman a tv show! You'd almost feel a little sorry for him if he wasn't such an arrogant jerk.

Poverty burns down the shelter and like always I think this is very environmentally unsafe. Sandra says she never hid behind an immunity idol. Touche. (Sidenote: Watching this again after knowing the outcome, there are a LOT of Sandra interviews. Should have been this coming).

Final TC and Reunion in the next post to split it up a little! I'm wordy! Trust me, this is WAAAAAY shorter than it could have been.

"Kiss and tell/ Loose lips sink ships"

Previously on * slight pause * Survivor: Sandra found the HII. Candice and Danielle both made dumb moves and got voted out in a special double elimination episode.

Night 33: Rupert is being a typical d-bag saying how each day his chances of winning this game get better and better. You're doing a great job there, Copernicus: that’s usually how it works when you make it closer and closer to the end of the game. Poverty knows they need to get rid of the remaining Heroes because they have a lot of friends on the jury so she still needs to be nice to Russell.

Whoever edited in the sound effects during Russell’s interview deserves a raise: “When Danielle said ‘We’re closer than you really think, Russell’, the switch went off in my head and I think * light bulb clicking noise * Oh really * cocks head to the side along with a tapping noise * Did she just say that to me?” Classic. Russell sees Poverty on edge and realizes he just eliminated her main alliance and now she has to rely on him. Or her amazing gameplay thus far. Same diff.

Credits, aw man, guess this one isn’t as shocking.

Treemail: A box with a Spring Palm Pre in it. Product placement, yay! They show off the features and Poverty plays right into it to hoping get some free phones in the future and says how cool the phone is. They go to the video app and there are messages from family members! It’s so sweet that when everyone yells, Sandra shushes them so Colby is able to hear the message from his brother. We see messages from Colby’s brother, Poverty’s dad, Russell’s wife, Sandra’s uncle, Jerri’s sister, and Rupert’s wife and know they are going to participate in the next reward challenge. Awkward quote from Rupert: “I can’t wait to get out there and maybe touch my wife.” I think “hug” would have been the less creepy, appropriate, sweet verb to use in this case.

Reward Challenge: Jeff brings in the family members one by one and it’s adorable to see the reunions minus the fact that you know the survivors are rubbing their stank all over their family members. Poverty’s dad seems refreshingly normal. Russell’s wife is rather pretty. Good genes must run in the Donaldson family. Rupert is macking all over his wife but my one thought is how badly his breath must smell. They’ve been married for 12 years so I’m sure the wife has experienced worse (come on, he already looked disheveled on day one). Whew, Sandra loses it when she sees her uncle. She explains how important he is to her and how he was sitting by her mom’s side until her last minute alive. Whew it’s emotional but really I cry when anyone cries so maybe it’s just me.

The survivors are going to throw bucketfuls of water about five feet to their family members who will be trying to catch and dump it into another bucket. First to fill their bucket and raise their flag, wins reward to some place that has blowholes and food and they get to record their memories on the Palm Pre.

Lots of chaos/action this challenge: Colby is yelling at his brother for doing everything wrong. Sandra is yelling in Spanish. Jerri and her sister are doing well. Russell’s wife is spitting in the bucket thinking that tablespoon is really going to help. Rupert's wife is squeezing the water out of her shirt and Jeff announces her crafty game plan. Sometimes I think Jeff shouldn’t be able to announce such things because others follow suit. It’s pretty much between Jerri, Russell, and Rupert. And Jerri wins!

She gets to pick two pairs to go along on the reward and selects Poverty and Sandra. I think if I were in Jerri’s spot I would pick the people who almost won as to not ruffle any feathers. It’s a very diplomatic approach. Well that or I’d tell them to pick a number between 1-100 and the two closest go. Rupert and his wife are making out before saying goodbye and I am sufficiently grossed out. The boys head back to camp.

At the Blowholes, the girls toss some coconuts in these gapping holes and they skyrocket into the air from the huge waves. Everyone ohs and awes like six year olds at a fireworks show. They snap some pictures on their Palm Pre (do I get money for advertising the name in this blog post? Probably not so... iPhone FTW!!!) Poverty says taking pictures was one of the best parts of the reward. Yes because I would want to capture and remember what I look like after not bathing for 30-some days. But they are already going to be on TV so why not?

Sandra talks about her favorite uncle and I immediately worry that we are getting too much backstory on Sandra. I misunderstood and thought she said her mom passed away a week ago and I freak out because they totally told Jenna Morasca and she got to leave but then I am informed it’s been a year and a week. It’s still sad though. It makes me like Sandra more. +10 Sandra.

The girls start talking strategy and Jerri is pooping her pants about Russell most likely being mad for not taking him on the reward. Jerri, there is no way you are making it to the finale three unless you win immunity so moot point. The girls assure her that they have her back (for now). Back at camp, the boys are complaining about Jerri’s “stupid” move. I wouldn’t want to spend the afternoon with those jerks anyway so I don’t blame her for taking the girls. Russell says he has saved Jerri’s ass before but if memory serves me correctly, Poverty saved her by giving her immunity when she was about to go home so maybe Jerri was just returning the favor. Punk. He calls Poverty and Jerri “ungrateful little bitches” showing off his chauvinistic attitude. Notice he always teams up with girls. This is probably because he thinks no one would be dumb enough to vote for a lowly girl over a burly man. He doesn’t know his strategy didn’t work in Samoa and I think he is about to get pwned again. (Sidenote: They should have Samoa Girl Scout cookies be a reward. People go crazy for those in everyday life. When you haven’t eaten for over a month they would go absolutely bonkers. Make it happen, producers!)

Russell, Rupert, and Colby make an agreement to go the final three. I hope the boys aren’t dumb enough to fall for this. -1 to each of the boys. But Rupert FINALLY points out (what I have been saying for the past two seasons... boo yah) that if he can take the best villain to the final three, he is guaranteed the million. True dat. If by "best villain" you mean WORST human ever. +10 to Rupe for finally voicing it.

The girls get back to camp and Rupert is the only one awake so they head to bed. Rupert sees this as the perfect time to saw, chop wood, and break some logs. Brilliant idea. “I have never in my life seen anybody that inconsiderate. I don’t know if it’s incredible cockiness or just complete stupidity. I’m leaning more towards stupidity, quite frankly.” Zing! +10 to Jerri and probably the only time I will ever like you.

Immunity Challenge: Holding your hands up, palms down (another tie in to the Sprint phone?) holding up two poles against an overhead board. If a pole drops you’re out. Last one, wins immunity. Colby is out after 15 seconds. -15 to the Colpster. I wanted to hope that Colby was sucking on purpose so he wasn’t perceived as a physical threat since he dominated the challenges in his original season but I think we can confidently say that is not the case. Sandra follows soon after and then Russell. As Jeff is pointing out that Jerri’s are still dead center, hers inexplicably drops mid-sentence. A compliment from Jeff is bad luck I tell you. Poverty and Rupert have poles resting on the edge of the board, hanging on by a thread. Rupert’s falls and Poverty wins another endurance challenge! Apparently I am really rooting for Poverty at this point because I was sick at the thought of her losing during that challenge. +5 Poverty. And I've started to type out Parvati initially because I'm gaining more and more respect. She really does deserve the million. But she doesn't deserve to miss out on having her silly name be mispronounced.

Russell says since Poverty won immunity, he is going to have to vote for Rupert. Sandra tells Rupert she wants Russell out. Sandra spells it out AGAIN saying everyone wants to take Russell to the end because he is so bad that everyone will vote against him and that’s why he is still here. THANK YOU. Validation. Guess the editors couldn’t keep it out by this point. Because Rupert is an idiot, he runs and tells Russell. -10 Rupert. Russell of course freaks out and confronts Sandra: “Are you with me or against me”. “I’m against you Russell”. Well at least no one can accuse her of lying during the final TC. +10 Sandra. Russell and Sandra say they are both comfortable and not worried about votes. Sandra says “Loose lips sink ships” to Rupert and he doesn’t get that it’s his ship that is about to sink. Poverty asks “Who invited Boston Rob (RIP) back” since Russell ripped off his line. Russell throws out maybe voting for Sandra because this is how he plays the game: guns for anyone who suspects him. Sandra says that today is the last day she can use the idol but she might not use it because she is very confident that she is not going home. Oh Sandra! NO! You’re one of the few who I still want to win.

TC in the TH: Sandra says Rupert tried to stir up some trouble between her and Russell so another villain could go home. Poverty does an awesome imitation of Sandra when she said she’s against Russell. Poverty says again that a Hero cannot be in the final three because they have a lot of friends on the jury. Rupert says you either need to be the top Hero (which he is not) or the top Villain in the final three and own it to win the million. Poverty whips her neck in Russell’s direction at the mention of top villain. Rupert asks Poverty if she’s the top villain and she says “Nope. I’m a hero on the inside”. Time to vote! Sandra: “I’ll write your name again and if I’m up in the final three, you’ll still give me your vote”. I’m guessing Rupert voted for Sandra during the Pearl Islands. Rupert votes for Sandra. Danielle retches as Russell walks up to vote. I would too Danielle, I would too. Time to tally!

Jeff: If anyone has the HII---

Sandra pops up like a Jack in the box, hands on hips: Should I let you finish? EPIC.

She said she had mixed feelings about this TC so she is going to play it because she’d hate to go home with the idol in her bra (cough JAMES cough). Russell and Poverty both confirm they had NO idea she had it. “She’s bad” says Russell. Really? Cause I think she’s AWESOME. I mean sure you risk showing that you were hiding something from the tribe but I think that’s how an HII should be played. Very few should know about it but we know Russell “I can’t keep my one-tooth-too-few mouth shut” Hantz doesn’t abide by that philosophy. Two votes for Sandra. Three for Rupert and the tye-dyed one is gone. He gives a menacing look as his torch is snuffed to Russell. (Someone make a montage of that for all these seasons! There has to be a million of em). But I mean really, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. See ya Rupert! In his exit interview he says “Maybe I wasn’t destined to win Survivor.... But I’m still pretty tough. But I don’t need to win Survivor to know that.” Good so I better not see you on the next All-Star season. I wanted to root for ya but then you failed to oust Russell so I’m all done! Seriously, why we were all obsessed with him during his original season? I don’t remember why.

Let me break this down: Sandra and Poverty are going to stay tight since they are past winners and no one wants to give the money to the same person twice. They NEED Russell because he is despicable and has pissed all pretty much every single person on the jury (seriously, he doesn’t have a crazy Shambo on his side this time) and they know he is their ticket to the million. They know a Hero will beat them and even Jerri could maybe since she has never won before. My guess for final three: Russell, Poverty, and Sandra and I think Poverty will win. But really as long as it's not Russell, I'm be fine. Finale tomorrow!!!! Yeah! Can't wait to see Russell cry AGAIN. It's gonna be epic!

"When I chirp shawty chirp back/... What you know about that"

An itsy bitsy brush with fame. Well fame in my book anyway:

Even though LOST is almost over this is one of my favorite blogs to read for answers. e knows her stuff and it explains it so well. I stumbled across it towards the middle of season five and have eagerly awaited her recaps after every episode ever since. You should also read her story about meeting Terry O'Quinn. Lucky! So e is awesome because she has met the cast, has a huge following on her blog (and other websites she contributes to) and she is writing a book that is going to be published later this year. An all around winner in my book.

Anyway, one question that e has always fixated on is who is was shooting at Sawyer, Juliet & Co when they were in the outrigger in season 5 and traveling through time. I found an interview after the episode "Across the Sea" where Darlton address this very question. I sent the interview along to e in the event that she is the type to read podcasts, interviews, and whatnot. I didn't expect a reply because like I said, her deadline is looming and she is focused on other things that spelling out everything for us fellow obsessed Losties.

Well she wrote back! She thanked me but said she does avoid that kind of stuff because of possible spoilers but she'll read it after the finale (even though she will know the answer by then). I know she's only a celebrity in my world but hey, I'll take what I can get!

Oh and right as I finished this post the "Life and Death" song came on my iTunes which is set on shuffle. Exciting! Michael Giacchino is a genius!

"She's so lucky/ She's a star"

I was editing the other day at Starbucks (I know. I finally found the strength to read through it again. And holy crap, there are SO many mistakes I missed. This is why you don't try to condense editing into two days people!) and a lady bug landed right on top of the pile of papers I was marking to within an inch of its life with a yellow highlighter. I think this is going to mean good things: 1) Ladybugs are lucky. 2) They are red and black. The setting is UGA!!! 3) The ladybug really refused to leave the pages as I tried to brush it away after my initial fascination. Maybe this means I will be scrappy when trying to get this thing published. Let's hope so!